Disassembled
by Gasian Gaond
Summary: Tosa-class battleship Kaga had a brilliant career ahead of her, if not for her twisted relationship with fate. Stripped from her cannons, family, identity, and pride, she was finally assigned to the 1st Carrier Division, which led to her meeting with Akagi, another converted aircraft carrier with deep scars of her own.
1. Prologue: Washington Naval Treaty

A/N: Hey there, this is my first Kancolle fanfic! Some things you should know before you proceed:

\- The timeline of this fic is loosely based on real historical events, focusing on younger Kaga and Akagi in the beginning of their careers as aircraft carriers, and taking place in a time where fleet girls were first born to the world, long before the current war against the Abyssals

\- I decided to try this out of the silly ideas that suddenly came to my head lol, but updates for this fic will be quite slow because of all the stuff that I have to do

\- This fic will contain the Akagi x Kaga pairing. A rather important disclaimer is that, in its very core, Disassembled is a romance fic. Much of the story would center and be built around the romance of our two main protagonists, so if you dislike the romance genre, this might not be the fic for you.

\- Most of the chapters in this story is very SFW. The only M-rated scene so far is in Chapter 18: Temptation in The Water.

\- I hope you enjoy reading it!

Summary: Tosa-class battleship Kaga had a brilliant career ahead of her, if not for her twisted relationship with fate. Stripped from her cannons, family, identity, and pride, she was finally assigned to the 1st Carrier Division, which led to her meeting with Akagi, another converted aircraft carrier with deep scars of her own.

* * *

**Disassembled**

**Prologue: Washington Naval Treaty**

Why am I always played by fate?

All I've ever been promised to is a place to belong, but it is also the same thing that I have been denied to all my life.

Even before I was living.

"When you grow up, Kaga, you will become a really, really strong battleship, the third ship of the Eight-Eight fleet! Nothing can ever stand in your way!"

I was a child back then, and my sister's excited rambles were far more interesting than the boring routines that come with ship construction. We were built in different shipyards, but the Navy allowed sister ships to meet as requested. We yearned for the day when we could finally launch ourselves onto the waves of the majestic blue sea, when it would welcome us with endless streams of that amazing salty air, and when we could watch a shell from our cannon hit the enemy for the very first time. At that time, sortieing simply seemed magical in our minds. We were young, and hopelessly naive. We were created to be a part of the Eight-Eight fleet, where we would become the core of the Navy along with the other elite first-class battleships and battlecruisers. Soon enough, Tosa's stories and fantasies had become a part of my life.

A part of the life that I dreamt of.

But not of reality.

Before we could even participate in battle, we experienced first hand the terribly cruel nature of fate.

We are weapons, we are built to be weapons, and we will always be weapons.

Our fate is decided by the people who only think of us in this way.

We hadn't even touched a drop of that rich great sea...and in an instant, something called a treaty had declared us useless.

The Eight-Eight fleet was no more.

There was no apology.

There was no regret.

They didn't even show any signs of pity when telling two young fleet girls that their whole lives were over, and at that time we looked exactly like ordinary humans in their teenage years.

It was that easy.

Who wouldn't laugh at the story of two sister ships who were born only to die...?

Who wouldn't laugh at the story of two battleships who were destroyed before they could even see a single battle...?

Tosa wasn't able to accept this at first, but one day she just became quiet all of a sudden.

I don't know if it was my hopelessness that finally rubbed off on her.

While waiting for us to be scrapped, I realized that I was grateful that I could die with the sister that I love most in the world.

_Maybe this isn't so bad after all,_ is the bitter encouragement I said to myself to make this whole situation a bit more bearable.

_So this is all that I get from my short life, to be written down in history as that scrapped Tosa-class battleship._

"Maybe they will change their minds," Tosa would say in a small voice, "Maybe we can survive."

I gave her a look. I'm not exactly a pessimist, but let's be realistic here.

"They can't build battleships like us anymore," I reminded her.

"But they still build other things," she replied hopefully while playing with her ponytail, "Ships are still the power of the Navy. If they are not allowed to build big battleships anymore, they'll find something to replace battleships."

"So you mean we should become those ships instead?"

Tosa scowled. "Don't use that fake tone on me. I don't even need to look at you to know that you think I'm being silly."

"No, it's just..." I hesitated, "Just look at you, Nee-san. You look just like a completed battleship. Compared to me... I look like a ship that's ready be mangled. If they decide to save us... they would probably only choose you and leave me."

"Kaga," Tosa gave me a long sigh before ruffling my messy hair, "By this point I don't know what's possible and what's not anymore."

* * *

When Tosa and I were finally used to the idea that we were going to be scrapped, to the point that she could make a joke about it, unexpected news threatened to ruin our lives all over again.

And it was given during a lax atmosphere in our admiral's office, that you would never guess the horror that the conversation brought. Sometimes I still have nightmares about it to this day.

"I specifically arrange this meeting because I have really good news for both of you," the admiral cheerfully began, "Battlecruiser Amagi was damaged beyond feasible repair in that recent earthquake. As you all know she was one of the two ships of the Eight-Eight fleet that were supposed to be converted into aircraft carriers, which unfortunately they can not continue for this particular ship. Fortunately, this is where you come in! We're allowed to send one of you as a substitute for the battlecruiser."

"Only one of us?" Tosa asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Only one of you," the admiral repeated, "Will be converted into an aircraft carrier! And you will be working in the 1st Carrier Division with our first standard carrier and future flagship, Akagi, who is currently still under construction. It is a great honor for a soon-to-be-scrapped ship like you. Carriers are the future of naval battle, my friends! In no time you will see yourself being regarded as a bigger war hero than even battleships."

I could feel my head spin and my heart turn cold.

_So this is finally it._

The painful realization that I could not die with Tosa no matter what.

Not in the battlefield, not in the shipyard.

One of us had to die, and one of us had to keep going, while at the same time bearing the burden of the other.

And in my mind, they would definitely choose Tosa over me.

My hand started to shake.

"...And if only one of us will become a carrier," Tosa said coldly, "Why do you feel the need to tell both of us, I wonder?"

"Now, now, you two seem really close, clearly neither of you would want to miss out the big announcement that your sister will become a carrier, would you...?" the admiral gave out a short laugh, "You should be grateful that we still find some use for old scraps like you. The conversion into a carrier requires an elaborate and lengthy process that you can't possibly understand, and we're still learning as we go. You can imagine the budget that comes with a remodelling of such caliber. Therefore, we have decided that a less complete battleship would be a safer choice. You will become our third aircraft carrier and second standard aircraft carrier. Congratulations, Kaga. Welcome to the 1st Carrier Division."

The officials around us politely clapped their hands.

But for me it didn't feel like a celebration at all.

More like a funeral.

These horrible, wretched people were half-heartedly clapping their hands in celebration of a funeral.

Tosa's funeral.

* * *

"Come on, cheer up already."

"No."

"They've explained their reason."

"It's a lame-ass reason."

"Kaga..."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Nee-san, I don't _want_ to become a carrier!" I lashed out, finally losing it, "This whole thing is bullshit! 'Become a battleship, Kaga', fine, 'you can't be a battleship, Kaga', fine, and all of a sudden, 'you're going to be an aircraft carrier now Kaga, say good bye to your miserably unlucky sister and be grateful that you only live because you're _so _incomplete that we save more money saving you than your sister. Oh and say hello to our_ glorious_ 1st Carrier Division flagship Aogi-sama or whatever her name is!'"

"It's _Aka_gi."

"Right. Whatever," I huffed, "You seem really calm about this, Nee-san..."

"I'm surprised, myself, but I guess I have come to accept it," Tosa said with a smile, "Besides, I'm glad that it's you who's chosen."

I shot my sister an angry glare. "What the hell are you talking about, Nee-san? You're going to be scrapped, you know...? Or worse, being used as a torpedo practice target or something. There won't be second chances anymore, and I don't want that! You deserve to live too!"

"Hey, listen to me," Tosa said, putting her hands on my shoulder, "It is clear that you're prepared for something big, Kaga."

My eyes found my feet. "But... Nee-san..."

"Not with me, no," Tosa shook her head, her tone of voice more serious than ever, "No, Kaga, don't you see? You don't belong with me. We will probably never cross paths ever again. You are given the chance to make a fresh start. You are walking the path to something grand, something better. You will accomplish great things in the future. I believe in you."

It was useless to hide my watery eyes anymore when a tear started to roll down my cheek.

_Can I really accomplish all that, when I'm all alone...?_

_Can I really make my sister proud, when I can't call myself a Tosa-class battleship anymore...?_

_Can I really bear such a heavy burden for my existence, when two other fleet girls have to sacrifice their future so I can regain mine...?_

"...It won't matter if you're no longer there to see it," I choked out.

"Someday, you'll find a place where you truly belong. I'm sure of it," she said, "Live your life to the full, Kaga."

A sad smile flashed on Tosa's tired face as she ruffled my hair lovingly. I wished she would just stop doing it. It was making my eyes more watery than ever, and I hated crying.

As I was busy blinking back my tears, Tosa reached for her ponytail and pulled off her blue-colored hairtie.

"Hey, Kaga," she handed it to me, "This is for you."

"What?"

"I won't need it anymore. I don't think I would ever fight in the battlefield for the rest of my life," she said with a grin, "Take this with you. So I can be with you when you're out there fighting. You have to work hard for my share too, okay...?"

I couldn't bear it any longer.

I cried my eyes out like a baby when Tosa carefully tied my hair back.

I cried so loud, I guessed the whole base could hear me bawling.

Once she was done, I had a small ponytail at the left side of my head.

Tosa ruffled my hair again, before she scooped me in her arms and bid me farewell.

I regret that I didn't hug her tighter... as it was the last hug that I received from the only sister I ever had.

* * *

**1921**

**Tosa-class battleships Tosa and Kaga were launched as a part of the Eight-Eight fleet program**

**1922**

**Tosa and Kaga were canceled under the terms of Washington Naval Treaty. Both of the ships were scheduled to be scrapped.**

**The construction of the two Amagi-class battlecruisers for the Eight-Eight fleet program, Amagi and Akagi, were also halted under the terms of the treaty. Amagi and Akagi were selected to be converted into fleet carriers.**

**1923**

**The Great Kanto Earthquake wrecked Amagi so extensively that she had to be scrapped.**

**Kaga was selected instead to be converted into an aircraft carrier alongside Amagi's sister ship Akagi.**

**1924**

**Tosa was used in experiments to test her armor scheme against gunfire, bombs, mines, and torpedoes.**

**After the tests were concluded, she was scuttled and sunk.**


	2. Chapter 1: Aircraft Carrier Akagi

A/N: Kudos to Little Donkey for the beta! Enjoy the chapter, everyone!

* * *

**Chapter 1: Aircraft Carrier Akagi**

The earthquake that saved my life while at the same time ended the life of another caused a tremendous damage to the naval base where I would be converted. Because of that, although I was already commissioned to become an aircraft carrier, the conversion didn't start until two years later.

During those two years that I spent alone, I got used to the quiet life I had. I didn't talk to anyone unless necessary, and I never really allowed my emotions to show. Not many people paid attention to me, but from time to time someone would leave a message that they looked forward to the day they could call me "aircraft carrier Kaga". I hated that term at first. But I guessed it grew on me after some time, and their excitement was contagious.

I would never forget how they just left my sister to die, but Tosa was right.

I had to make her death, and that other ship's, Amagi's, completely worthwhile.

I didn't recognize myself when I looked into the mirror. As a general rule, I have to wear a blue hakama-like skirt, black thigh-high socks, and a blue cloth covered by a white long-sleeved gi, whose sleeves only reach my elbows once I tie them up with a blue sash that goes under my armpits and over my shoulders, crosses my back and is knotted at the front on the left side. Then there are other equipments like the chest protector, the three-fingered gloves with a purple ribbon on the wrist, and of course, the bow and the quiver. Sometimes I wonder what these garish colors possibly mean, but they only said it was to signify my standing as the second converted carrier of the treaty.

I still remembered the first time I touched that bow and felt the hard steel of the triple flight decks on my arm. It all felt so foreign to me. All this time Tosa and I had been fantasizing about firing 41cm cannons on our backs. Launching an aircraft was something I had never imagined before.

But I wanted to know.

I wanted to _feel _it.

I would launch as many planes as I could if I had to.

I would become the face of the Navy's aircraft carriers.

But at that time, the face that most people associated with the Navy's aircraft carriers was the first standard carrier, Akagi.

As far as I know she hadn't really done anything remarkable, but the Navy had really high hopes for her.

I don't really know why but there's just something about how people said to me, "Kaga, you would be the perfect partner for Akagi."

To be honest I wasn't really interested in the idea, but I couldn't deny that it piqued my curiosity.

Was it because I was the only other standard carrier? Was it because we seemed to be made to be partners, since we were created for the same fleet, and converted for the same treaty? Was it because of our personalities? Were we similar to each other? By how much? What did she think about the news that there would be another fleet carrier that could possibly become her partner? Was she happy? Curious? Interested? Or all three?

Was fighting alongside Akagi, in the 1st Carrier Division, really a place where I could belong...?

As the days went by, the possibility that I could be the partner or the consort of the 1st Carrier Division flagship became much more acceptable to me. Desirable, even. Fate had somehow put me on the side of this valuable ship. If that was the way I could redeem myself, then I would gladly accept it. Before I knew it, this aircraft carrier "Akagi" had stolen a special place in my heart although I had never even met her. Her image, her persona, and her stunning beauty when she sails on the seas were all created in my mind from various stories and praise from others. This carrier... she shouldered the future and hope of the Navy. If the place that was destined for me was by her side, then it would be an honor for me to support her as the pride of the Navy.

I didn't really understand why I felt this way, but Akagi's presence in my mind gave me comfort. The comfort that that even I had a place to belong.

_I'm not a Tosa-class battleship._

_I'm not the third ship of the Eight-Eight fleet._

_I'm a Kaga-class aircraft carrier._

_I'm in the 1st Carrier Division._

_Future pride of the Navy._

And just like that, I felt joy for the first time ever since my days with my sister.

* * *

Around a year after my conversion began, I was joined in the factory by another fleet girl, a battlecruiser of the Kongou-class named Haruna. She was also undergoing major conversion, and I was grateful that it was her, because I probably wouldn't be able to stand having to live under the same roof for a long time with anyone else. Haruna has long, dark hair and hazel eyes, and she was generally nice, polite, and a little naive. Although she was afraid of me at first, she gradually warmed up to me and we could have small conversations from time to time, usually about our birthplace, since we were built at the same yard. Well, I preferred only having her around, but ever since Haruna's conversion began, her eldest sister, Kongou, who happened to be in the same base as us, sometimes came and ruined my peaceful moment every time.

"Hey! Kaga! How are you today? Did your conversion go well? Do you feel like a carrier now? Like, do you feel like mounting some planes on your back?"

"Kongou-onee-sama, maybe you should leave Kaga-san alone for today. She seems tired," Haruna suggested, but there was no stopping Kongou when she wanted to do something.

"That's nonsense! Nonsense! She should feel thrilled to be converted! I myself can't wait until the day I will be converted into a battleship!" Kongou said, flicking her long brown hair proudly, "Hey, hey, Kaga! How did it feel to be a battleship?"

I really wanted to just leave that place right then and there.

I was trying my best to forget about my past, and here she came reminding me of it again.

My memories with Tosa still hurt me everytime I remembered them.

Haruna seemed troubled that I apparently felt disturbed by this, so I tried diverting the topic instead.

"How does it feel to be a battlecruiser then?" I asked.

As expected, Kongou started rambling about her battles, and although it made me a little jealous that both of them were older and more experienced than me, seeing Haruna giving me an apologetic smile was enough to calm me down as I listened.

After some time, Haruna told me about how the treaty also changed her and her sisters' lives. The Navy were focusing on increasing the power of their existing battleships and battlecruisers, since they couldn't build new ones anymore. She admitted that she was anxious about their future. Talking with her sometimes made me wonder if this conversion was worth it, but I never voiced out my worry to her.

Occasionally, she would ask me a question that she didn't seem to want the answer to, as if she just said it for the sake of asking.

"Kaga-san...do you think we can find our place in the Navy someday?"

I stared at her dejected face for the longest time. At that moment, I was thankful that at the very least, I still had a place that I wanted to be.

* * *

I was placed for several sea trials fresh from my conversion and after that, I was allowed to join the combined fleet. When my sea trials were still underway, to my surprise, another aircraft carrier came to my base for her fitting-out, the newest carrier of the Navy. She is a light carrier, and just with one look I already knew that she is quite different from me. For one thing, she is so small that I didn't know she is an aircraft carrier at first. She also has a different plane launching system. Funnily enough, like her name, "Prancing Dragon", Ryuujou is a carrier with really high spirits and vigor. She speaks in a Kansai accent, and whenever the twin-tailed girl had a break from her fitting-out, I sometimes saw her frisking about with the smaller fleet girls around the base in her characteristic red coat. She caught my interest because I had never met another carrier before, let alone one that was specifically built to be a carrier. Clearly, Ryuujou is a chatterbox and I didn't exactly know how to handle someone like her.

"You're a fleet carrier! I've never seen a fleet carrier before! You look so strong!"

"...Um, thanks. Nice to meet you."

"What's your name? I'm Light Carrier Ryuujou, first ship of the Ryuujou-class light carrier."

"Kaga, first ship of the Kaga-class aircraft carrier."

"Oh Gawd, so you're Kaga! I thought you're Akagi."

"Aka...you know Akagi?"

"Our first standard carrier? Yeah, I heard. And you're the second. I wish I could be as strong as you. I'll try my best so I won't lose to you!"

"You praise too much. I have never even gone into battle."

"Seems like they value you guys too much to let you go into battle. Guess it would be awhile until either of you show any action in the battlefield, huh? I heard they are planning to put Akagi through a refit."

"They do?"

"It doesn't hurt to be more careful! I heard aircraft carriers will be the next big thing anyway."

Before Ryuujou's fitting-out was finished, I finally became an official member of the 1st Carrier Division, and like she said, Akagi was about to be temporarily pulled out of active service for a refit. The admiral thought it was a good idea to move me to my seniors' base before I started my service, probably so that I could learn a thing or two from them. At that time the other aircraft carriers in the division were Akagi and Houshou, the first carrier in the Navy and possibly the first aircraft carrier in the world. Needless to say, I was nervous as heck, but I didn't think that the admiral could tell.

The admiral first introduced me to Houshou and left me to her care. To this day, she is still the kindest, most soft-spoken woman I know. Although she is just a light carrier, the Navy has learned many things from her as the oldest aircraft carrier. She has an air of maturity around her, and she seems to be loved and respected by everyone. Compared to the pink kimono she was wearing, my clothes still looked new and clean. It was a little embarrassing to me, since it really showed my inexperience. Even so, her black hakama still looked pretty and neat, and her long ponytail gave her an inspiring sense of youth.

Houshou politely bowed to me when we met, causing me to frantically return it and knock my head against the admiral's waist, therefore violating rule number 1 of How To Not Make A Terrible First Impression In Front Of Your Senior.

Houshou only smiled when the admiral scolded me and I hurriedly picked up my bow from the floor. I wanted to just sink into a hole in the ground. I walked alongside Houshou, hoping that I could make a better impression in front of Akagi. It was my first time meeting my seniors and I just had to foul up. I hated that I just had to act like a gangling teenager now of all times.

"So you are Kaga? I hope you can enjoy your time here in this base. You've never trained with other carriers before, have you?"

I shook my head and her smile grew wider. "I heard you were converted from a battleship, so I guess you would get along well with Akagi. She was also a member of the Eight-Eight fleet. Both of you even have the same triple deck design!"

"Do you think so...?" I blurted out as my heart made a little jump at the mention of her name.

The palm of Houshou's hand touched my head. "You can practice with us. We can teach you things that you can only learn from other carriers."

Houshou then told me that Akagi was having a practice session and I could watch her if I wanted.

Straightening my back, I agreed to her offer and followed her to the training grounds. I was beyond excited, although I didn't let it show on my face. I was a newbie who was going to meet the 1st Carrier Division flagship, so I'd better act like it.

However, there might be no need to do that, because she looked so much better than I imagined that it stunned me on the spot.

The way her velvet dark hair fell on her shoulders and down to her white cloth and red pleated skirt.

The way her soft eyes hardened when aiming for a single target.

The way she smoothly released her arrows without any unnecessary movement, and the way her body seemed to shine under the sunlight every time she did it.

She was young, probably around my age... and she was beautiful, so amazingly beautiful that I couldn't look away.

It gave me the desire to watch her launch her aircrafts like that on the open seas.

_I want to fight alongside this person._

By the time I realized that I was staring too much, Houshou had already spoken.

"Akagi, we're sorry to interrupt your training," she called out, "But Kaga has arrived. Do you remember her? She was the other ship that was converted for the treaty."

Akagi turned around while putting her arrow back to her quiver.

That was when our eyes met for the first time.

I didn't know if I looked at her the wrong way or she realized that I had been staring.

But I couldn't see even the smallest trace of excitement or happiness in her expression when she studied me.

In fact, there was something that frightened me there, something that looked a lot like pure, undiluted hatred.

My whole body tensed.

I could see the strands of her hair being swayed in the wind when she opened her mouth and said, "So you're the one they chose to replace Amagi-nee."

Her voice was strong, confident, filled with pride. The voice of the future hope of the Navy.

But I noticed that there was too much pride in that tone.

I couldn't answer, those accusing eyes were too much for me, so I searched the floor for something I could stare instead.

Houshou didn't seem pleased. "...Akagi, you've promised to behave," she said.

Akagi glared rudely at her.

"Akagi..."

"How can I...?" she replied with a snap, "How can I when they put my sister aside, and use her parts for this inferior ship just because they didn't have enough money!"

"You drop that attitude right now, young lady!"

The sudden rise in Houshou's voice made me flinch, but Akagi didn't seem unfazed at all. She was clearly fuming with indignation.

"Right, Houshou-san, because you don't know how that feels, do you? You don't know how it feels to have your sister be taken away from you, and suddenly be replaced by a complete stranger...! Don't pretend like you know that!" she cried as she turned back and ran past me.

"Akagi, come back here...!" Houshou called out angrily.

"I will never..." she shouted back with a shaky voice, "..._ever _accept that carrier...as a replacement of Amagi-nee...! !"

And with that she stormed back to the building, tears flowing down her cheeks.

She didn't even look at me twice.

I kept myself silent during the whole ordeal, clenching my bow hard just so I could direct my mind elsewhere.

But Akagi's voice kept coming back to my head.

After a few moments, Houshou said to me, "...I'm sorry, she isn't usually like this. It's been eight years, but she doesn't seem to be able to let it go."

Eight years.

Eight years that I spent searching for a place to belong.

But also the same eight years Akagi spent mourning over her dead sister, suppressing her growing anger toward the Navy and me.

_"Kaga-san...do you think we can find our place in the Navy someday...?"_

When I thought there was finally a place for me, when I thought that I was given a second chance, I was rejected again.

The hopes that I had for my new life were dashed in an instant.

I didn't really...have anything left in this world other than being an aircraft carrier.

This was the only place left where I could belong, where I could find my dreams.

Where I could be happy.

_I want to fight alongside this person._

And even that, was no longer something that I deserved.

* * *

Akagi's rejection hurt.

I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did.

With her words my whole excitement about joining the 1st Carrier Division dissipated completely. I wasn't exactly forgiving of her.

For the rest of the day I holed up in the guest room, and it was nearly midnight when Houshou came knocking at my door.

"Kaga, are you there...?"

I didn't really feel like talking, but I didn't want to worry her. She had been nothing but kind to me during my stay.

"Yes."

"Can I come in...?"

I hesitated, but I thought it was rude to just send her away. I gave her the okay and she carefully opened the door.

I didn't raise my head, but I could hear her making a shuffling sound as she sat down next to me.

"You have to come to the meeting tomorrow," she said.

"And why should I?" I asked, regretting that it came out harsher than I intended.

"Starting from tomorrow, Akagi is being put out of active service for her refit," Houshou explained, "And you have probably heard of this before you came here, but you are our only other standard carrier. You're going to temporarily replace her as the 1st Carrier Division flagship."

It happened again.

A stroke of luck put a completely inexperienced aircraft carrier as a flagship, although they probably wouldn't send me to difficult missions.

I didn't know if fate hated me or loved me; I couldn't tell what it was doing.

But I was still far too bitter to be overjoyed by this news.

"Please forget it, Houshou-san," I said, burying my face in my arms, "Didn't she say that I'm an inferior ship...?"

"Kaga, please. I'm not asking you to forgive Akagi's behavior this morning..." Houshou-san said to me, "...But will you give me a chance to explain...?"

I didn't answer her, but after some time I gave her a curt nod.

"I want you to know that for that girl, her sisters were everything that she ever had. She would use every opportunity that the Navy offered during their construction to spend time with those three: Amagi, Atago, and Takao," she continued, "They were a rowdy bunch, those girls. Akagi, the crybaby, was adored and loved by all her sisters, especially Amagi, who kept spoiling her. Then the treaty happened, and both Atago and Takao were planned to be scrapped. They were not allowed to move out of their bases and meet Akagi anymore until the plans were finalized. Little Akagi was devastated. She couldn't stop crying for a while, and Amagi never left her side, trying to cheer her up with everything that she could. Amagi assured her that they should make Atago and Takao proud by becoming strong aircraft carriers. After some time, little by little, Akagi recovered from her grief and started to see this in a more positive light. Amagi became Akagi's whole world, as she was the only one that Akagi had left. Even more so when they were chosen to be partners once they were converted into carriers. They would often talk about Amagi, the name ship, becoming the flagship, the pride of the 1st Carrier Division, and Akagi becoming her consort. Right when Akagi thought her future could be perfect, that was also when she lost everything."

"...Tosa was my world too," I said, but Houshou is more patient with me than anyone I know.

"I'm not saying that her love for Amagi is bigger than yours for your sister. I'm not asking you to understand. But you have to know how the circumstances are for Akagi," she explained, "She didn't get the chance to say good bye to Amagi before she died. I was there when the news reached her. It broke her apart. It all happened so fast that before she could even finish crying, the officials had called her to tell her that Amagi's life was forfeit. She stood there in tears as they happily told her she was clearly the luckier ship because she survived the earthquake, and they were so hopeful that she would be the one to set the Carrier division on its feet. They said they would appoint her 1st Carrier Division flagship when her conversion was finished, and that one of the Tosa-class battleships would be sent to replace her sister. They wouldn't listen to her when she begged them to spare Amagi's life. They only told her they didn't need a half-dead ship that could not be converted into a carrier. Amagi was already as good as gone. I couldn't do anything back then, I couldn't even put my hand on her shaking shoulders. When that meeting was over, she looked so weak and her eyes were completely hollow. It pained me to watch how, all of a sudden, such a huge responsibility was placed on those small, frail shoulders of a girl who just lost the only family she had left. Before she knew it, she was the only surviving member of the family that she loved so dearly. But I still am just a ship of the Navy, so I said to her that if she didn't learn to stand on her own two feet and become stronger, her sisters would be disappointed of her. She then told me that she would make it her goal to never let her enemies die near land like her sisters, because she would sink all of them into the sea. And that was the last time anyone saw her cry."

I looked up at her and found her gazing at me. "Until today, that is," she added, "Seeing you might have reminded her to all that pain she had eight years ago. Because after she was made flagship, Akagi started training like mad. Amagi's death broke her, and she never really put those pieces back together again. Everywhere she went, people were too amazed by her skills and pride to find out and how and why she could be that good without ever participating in any battle. She took her new status so seriously that it made me regret planting the idea in her head."

I remembered how perfect her stance was when she shot her arrows.

She wouldn't have any difficulty launching planes even in a less suitable weather.

It was obviously the result of hours and hours of nonstop training.

Akagi and I were converted aircraft carriers; we were not used to launching planes and therefore needed a lot of practice. I had to go through a long trial process before I could launch my planes correctly, and even then I still had many flaws.

But that girl was able to perfect her skills in such a short time during my conversion.

Compared to her, I still had a long way to go.

She wasn't lying when she said I was inferior.

She could tell just from looking at me and the differences in our design, although she was probably still imperfect herself.

She was just that good.

No wonder she was deeply disappointed in me.

It was obviously galling for her. She probably thought I wasn't worthy enough to become her consort, or that I was a frigging failure whose life didn't deserve to be traded with her sister's.

"Kaga," Houshou suddenly said, "...Do you want to sortie with Akagi...?"

I gritted my teeth. From Houshou's story, I understood that Akagi was not that much different from myself. Played by fate, time and time again, until there was absolutely nothing left. It should not be that difficult to strike a friendship with her, shouldn't it? Did I even want to be her friend? Then why did her rejection hurt so much...?

"Why do you ask that...?" I said to Houshou.

"Well, you didn't look upset, but anyone could've guessed you were because you've been skipping lunch and dinner so far."

I must look confused because she added, "From my experience with Akagi, there's no way a carrier like you would miss a single meal if you're in a good mood."

"I'm not the same as her," I said, completely out of spite.

"You'll see," Houshou said with a small shrug, "You were made with similar designs after all, and you are both former members of the Eight Eight fleet who, by pure stroke of luck, are _both _here right now because of the treaty. People would definitely associate you with each other."

"But I don't want to," I lied, "And _she _doesn't want to..."

"I don't know, Kaga, sometimes this world just works in mysterious ways," Houshou told me, "Maybe one day, you can find out the reason you are suddenly given this strange connection with a fleet girl that you never knew."

* * *

The meeting the next day was short and concise. It was as Houshou had said: I was placed in the 1st Carrier Division to function as the new flagship and Akagi was temporarily put out of service for her refit. They also added that this position was active immediately, so if the 1st Carrier Division was needed to go into battle, then I would depart as flagship.

I didn't say anything and only nodded my head. They probably wouldn't send a ship like me into a real battle anyway.

The higher ups obviously looked surprised at my lack of enthusiasm, but I didn't care. I saluted them and went out as quickly as I could. I could feel Houshou's eyes on my back as I scurried out of the room. The less honor I felt from this new unexpected status, the better. I should just go back to my room and get to bed. The last thing that I wanted to happen was meeting Akagi. _She would definitely be _delighted _to see this terrible ship they made to replace her position_, I thought.

I let out a long sigh as I walked to the end of the corridor and leaned my back against a vending machine. The low hum of the machine seemed to echo my mind perfectly. Its cool door felt refreshing against my sweaty back. I was thirsty all of a sudden. I turned around and leaned down to check the drinks inside the machine.

I was about to choose a bottle of green tea when my finger was interrupted by that of someone else's.

"...Let me pay that for you."

I almost jumped in fright.

Akagi, the long-haired beauty, was standing next to me. I must have been too absorbed in choosing my drink to be so unbelievably blind of my surroundings. I opened my mouth to interrupt her, but she has pressed the button and inserted her money.

I was probably too surprised to make a sound, because she picked up the bottle from the machine and looked at me like she was going to laugh.

"Look at your face," she said with a faint smile, "...Don't worry, I'm not here to yell at you if that's what you're thinking."

That made me relax a bit. Wait, why was I afraid of her? I'm a former battleship, I could take her in a fistfight.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. Houshou-san gave me a fair amount of scolding last night for getting fresh with you. It was terribly rude and immature of me to yell at you like that," Akagi said, slightly evading my eyes.

_Houshou-san...so that's why she came to my room so late last night huh..._ I thought.

I couldn't help but be amazed that although her apology sounded genuine, Akagi's pride still shone from her tone of voice.

"We're going to work together as fellow fleet carriers," Akagi said, holding out her hand, "So it's best that we get along better from now on. Would you please forgive my rudeness and work as my comrade in the Navy?"

I glanced at her hand before taking a look at her face.

This girl was strange.

Everything in her voice and expression sounded sincere and professional.

_Too _sincere and professional.

That meant that I could never find out what she was really thinking, and she sounded fulsome in my ears.

She might be more complicated than what she showed on the surface, and I didn't like what that could possibly imply.

At that time, though, I dismissed my thoughts and prompted to take this chance to make peace with her.

I shook her hand and said confidently to her, "Nice to meet you, fellow fleet carrier. I'm Kaga, former second ship of the Tosa-class battleships and first ship of the Kaga-class aircraft carrier."

"I'm Akagi, former second ship of the Amagi-class battlecruisers and first ship of the Akagi-class aircraft carrier," she replied with equal fervor, "I hope we can work together as comrades, Aircraft Carrier Kaga."

I stared deeply into her eyes, trying to read her mind... but I could find nothing.

Nothing but a girl who was so broken, she didn't have anything left inside.

"...I feel the same, Aircraft Carrier Akagi."

* * *

**1920-1921**

**The construction of four Amagi-class battlecruisers: Amagi, Akagi, Atago, and Takao began as a part of the Eight-Eight fleet program.**

**1922**

**All construction was halted under the terms of Washington Naval Treaty. Amagi and Akagi were selected to be converted into fleet carriers.**

**The world's first aircraft carrier, Houshou, was completed.**

**1923**

**After the Great Kanto Earthquake caused significant damage to Amagi that rendered her unusable, Kaga was selected as her replacement.**

**Akagi's conversion began in Kure Naval Arsenal.**

**1924**

**Kongou-class battlecruiser Kongou was docked at Yokosuka Naval Arsenal to undergo modifications.**

**The damaged Amagi was stricken from the navy list and sold for scrapping.**

**Her incomplete sisters Atago and Takao were both broken up for scrap.**

**1925**

**Kaga's conversion began in Yokosuka Naval Arsenal.**

**1926**

**Kongou-class battlecruiser Haruna's conversion into a battleship began in Yokosuka Naval Arsenal.**

**1927**

**Akagi's conversion was completed and she was commisioned to join the Combined Fleet.**

**1928**

**Akagi and Houshou were assigned to the 1st Carrier Division, with Akagi as the flagship.**

**Kaga's conversion was completed.**

**1929**

**Kaga joined the Combined Fleet.**

**1931**

**IJN's fourth carrier, Ryuujou, was towed to Yokosuka Naval Arsenal for fitting-out.**

**Kaga was assigned to the 1st Carrier Division. As Akagi was put out of active service for a refit, Kaga became the flagship of the 1st Carrier Division.**

* * *

A/N: And that is all for the first chapter. A little trivia that the names "Amagi", "Atago", and "Takao" would be reused later on for an Unryuu-class aircraft carrier and two heavy cruisers, all of whom are already made into Kanmusu. Sometimes I wonder if Akagi is reminded of her unfinished sisters when she hears their names. I hope you enjoy this chapter! R&amp;R~


	3. Chapter 2: January 28 Incident

**Chapter 2: January 28 Incident**

Akagi's refit would render her out of service for about a year. I heard nothing was on the fritz, they were just improving her arresting gear and some other things. Even after I was made into the 1st Carrier Division flagship, there was nothing much to do other than training with the fleet. The situation surrounding the conflict of the war was heating up, so we heard that there were already plans for us to sortie in the war, but it still seemed so far away. I didn't complain; I'd much rather enjoy my peaceful time until Akagi came back into service. Or at least I wanted to enjoy my time until the end of this year, since it was already December. You might have guessed that I still lacked the courage to become a flagship of a carrier division.

There was not a trace of Akagi's hostility toward me for the month that followed. She spent most of her time in the factory, but during the day many fleet girls would come to visit her to ask about her condition, the progress of her refit, or to just have a short chat with her. Since the destroyers of the 1st Carrier Division loved to drag me along to meet her, Akagi and I ended up having several conversations whenever she was in the middle of a break. I was a little awkward around her, but she talked to me like it was the most natural thing in the world. She really had her way with words. She never brought up the clash that happened during our first meeting, and since the destroyers were always there, I kept my mouth shut. I wondered if Akagi had an image to mantain, but even if I told these girls about that time when Akagi yelled at me, they probably wouldn't believe me.

I didn't know if Akagi's personality was genuine or not, but Houshou was right. Akagi definitely doesn't have a foul mouth; she is all around pleasant and nice, and she seems to be a simple fleet girl who has a gargantuan appetite and is really dedicated to her duties. The destroyers adored her and I could see admiration gleaming in their eyes when they looked at her. They often brought her food and snacks, which she ate without hesitation. She never treated me any differently from anyone else, but there was something in the way she talked to me that kept a distance between us, like an invisible barrier. Maybe it was because she hardly looked at me or called my name at all. Maybe it was because she mentioned Amagi's name more often everytime she saw me. Or maybe because sometimes, I could catch her gazing at me with a forlorn expression on her face. It hurt me, because she obviously still saw Amagi within me.

Truth to be said, I didn't enjoy my visits to the factory at all, but at least I didn't have to talk more than necessary because the destroyers were there to keep the conversation going.

But one day, the destroyers were so insistent to come because they wanted to bring some curry for Akagi. The silliest part of this was, they forgot to bring the curry. I was left alone in the room with Akagi, in a completely uncomfortable silence while I cursed those careless girls in my mind.

_Calm down, what are you so nervous about? _I asked myself, _She's just anothe__r good-looking, garden-variety __fleet girl. There's no need for you to strike a conversation._

It was even worse because Akagi was sitting on the bed while hardly wearing anything, as she was about to start the refitting process of the day. That single piece of kimono was probably everything that covered her body. Her room was simply furnished, probably just enough to make her comfortable during her refit, which actually spelled doom to me because nothing in there was interesting enough to distract me from the curves that were hidden just under that white kimono.

_Just ignore her, stand as far away as you can, keep your eyes on the window, act like you're contemplating the universe, and don't look anywhere else. You're a fleet girl, you can face this head-on without escaping._

Akagi's voice suddenly broke my train of thought.

"So..."

_Oh here we go, take a deep breath, Kaga._

Although it was windy and cold outside, the factory was pretty warm thanks to the heat radiating from its machines. However, it suddenly felt like a furnace in here.

"Yeah...?" I muttered, still looking at the window. _Don't look at her, Kaga, don't look at heeer..._

"How are you holding down the fort?" Akagi asked me while I was fascinated by a tree right outside the window.

"I'm...fine. The girls are doing fine. I think..." I paused a little before adding, "... I think I've gotten the hang of it now. I feel I'm getting somewhere."

"That's good to hear, " she commented.

I stole a glance at Akagi and found her gazing at the floor, her eyes unfocused and empty.

I only ever heard a few things in my life that sounded more forced than that.

But no matter how hurt I felt because she wanted her sister to be here with her instead of me, I couldn't deny that I didn't like seeing her making such a sorrowful face.

I'm just a mere substitute but... At least I didn't want her to be so disappointed of me.

I walked away from the window and approached her until my feet were in her field of vision. She looked up at me.

"...Akagi-san," I began, "I might be an inferior ship, but I am going to become an aircraft carrier to the best of my abilities."

_I'm going to...try my hardest until you are able to look at me as your equal._

Saying anything more than that would be too embarrassing for me, so I waited for her response in silence, while my face was getting hotter by the second.

I did not know what I was trying to prove. I just wanted her to look at me with anything other than dolefulness.

She looked confused at first, but she seemed to catch what I meant to convey and her expression was slowly replaced with a smile.

And my God... That was one beautiful smile.

"...Of course you should. You're the one they chose to replace Amagi-nee after all. If you don't do your best, she would be disappointed, wouldn't she? " she said, "Don't you think so, Kaga-san?"

Kaga-san.

The name caught me off guard and she let out a laugh.

The last time she called my name was when she introduced herself to me, and at that time she only called me by the name "Aircraft Carrier Kaga".

"Can I call you like that, Kaga-san...?"

It was impossible to say no to that pleading face of hers.

I gulped and nodded. Judging from her amused reaction, my face was probably already as red as a tomato at that moment.

_This girl __really looks the __prettiest__ when she smiles._

She still mentioned her sister, and I know that I could never... truly become a sister to her, but that kind of precious smile was something that I would fight through wars to protect.

"Yes, you can," I answered her right when the destroyers had arrived back on the door, "Yes, you can. Please do, Akagi-san."

* * *

Ever since that day, whenever I went out to train with the fleet, I could feel my spirit rising. I was so pumped to be a better carrier, and that meant I had to go through as much practice as I could. I didn't think that I was a perfect flagship, but I was getting there. I began to visit the factory on my own, to talk to Akagi about my training and asking her for tips to improve my abilities. I started to enjoy spending more time with her, although it still felt awkward at times. I was glad that I could have more decent conversation with her, though, and sometimes we could have lengthy discussions about the Navy and technicality.

And she could be pretty blunt with her... full-frontal criticism, but I guess she just took this aircraft carrier thing very seriously.

"You're too slow, Kaga-san."

Okay, first of all, ouch.

"Please, don't compare me to an ex-battlecruiser like you who can beat even the fastest battleships."

"I wasn't comparing it to my speed, though. It's just your speed in general," she added, "And you still get the problem with all that smokes and fumes that keeps coming out of your funnels..."

"But I don't know how to improve that, I already went as fast as I could. I know I can't get by on just that, but I guess it was my maximum speed," I said to her, "I know why you bring this up."

"Oh? Do tell me," she said in a curious tone.

I hesitated a little. After all this was all just my personal opinion, but for some reason I really wanted Akagi to hear it.

"You've explained about the importance of aircraft carriers in future naval battles," I began, "If we're going with the current strategy where we assist the battleships with our aerial strikes, as far as I know that cannot be a reality."

Akagi nodded in agreement, and asked, "Then theoretically, how do you think it should be done?"

Her interest encouraged me to continue. "By conducting fast aerial strikes to the enemy's plane reserves and aircraft carriers," I told her, "To establish air superiority as quickly as possible, speed will be essential in future carrier battles."

Akagi let out a chuckle. "Amazing, Kaga-san, you really have learned a lot," she praised.

"It's because you taught me so much, Akagi-san," I muttered, looking away. I could feel my ears burning. The only way I knew to repay her for that fund of knowledge was to learn more and become a better aircraft carrier.

"But everything you said proved that you have been paying attention. Well, that's what is supposed to happen, theoretically anyway. They would have to send us to battle first to make sure."

"They are," I said to her, "Akagi-san, the reason I visit you today was because...because I want to tell you that the 1st Carrier Division are finally going into battle."

Akagi only looked at me for a few seconds.

"That's great, isn't it, Kaga-san? You're finally going into battle," she said with a small voice, "They probably won't let me go out into battle until they make sure I am in perfect condition. I wonder when I can go too...? I wish Amagi-nee could see me..."

_Amagi_.

Her name always returned to Akagi's mouth, piercing my ear with her sad voice.

_What is it... _I pondered, _...What is it that I have to do to make you forget about her...?_

And at the moment I realized just how cruel that thought that I just had.

Amagi could only live now inside Akagi's memories.

While me... I was just a random ship whose life happened to be traded with her sister's.

And she was still so kind to me... Although she was probably reminded of her sister's death everytime she looked at me.

Akagi was so sweet, so understanding... And that made me hate myself more for having these horrible thoughts.

_I don't have any right to stand by your side... _I thought as she grinned sheepishly at me, _You deserve someone so much better._

Existing was all that I could do.

_But if you are willing to give me a chance..._

_I will try to be a fleet girl you are proud of to be a substitute of your sister._

_I will try to be a fleet girl who can protect you in the place of your sister._

_I will try to be a fleet girl who __can make you happier than your sister ever could._

_And one day..._

_I wish I could fill the emptiness in your heart that your sister couldn't._

* * *

The rest of December and January went by in a flash. Training was getting more hectic than usual as we were gearing up for a war, and I could only drop a "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Year" to Akagi through phone calls before falling on my bed like a rock. I guessed I just wasn't used to this, or at least that was what Akagi said to me. I could just press that phone handset against my ear and listen to that compassionate tone of hers forever, but I still missed seeing her in person, which I unfortunately couldn't do because of our conflicting schedule, right until the day before the battle, when I promised myself that I would see her no matter what.

It rained heavily the whole day before my first battle. I waited and waited, but it didn't stop even until late at night. Ignoring the fleet girls who suggested me to stay inside and stop fussing over it, I rushed out to the rain and headed to the factory.

Akagi looked surprised to see me. Well, obviously, since she was visited in the middle of the night by a fleet girl who was drenched from head to toe. She hurriedly put a towel on my head and dried my hair out while I blabbered out the things that I had been meaning to say to her all day.

"Akagi-san, the 1st Carrier Division and Houshou-san will be supporting the Army as a part of the 3rd Fleet. We're heading out tomorrow. I guess we'll be away from the base for awhile."

"I heard. Best of luck to you, Kaga-san."

"I'll call you."

"Yes."

"Please wait for my return."

"I will. Let's have dinner together when you come back."

"And..."

"And...?"

"I'll show them the importance of carriers."

Her hands stopped moving and she stared at my hardened eyes. I wanted her approval so badly, and this battle was my chance. We might only help in supporting the Army, but it still opened the room to a carrier aircraft battle.

"Thank you, Kaga-san," she said, tearing her eyes away from me, "Everyone would be so proud of you. I'm sure my sister would be proud of you."

I swallowed hard and looked down.

Wanting to say something...but could not bring yourself to say it...it was the most frustrating thing I had ever felt.

But I didn't have the right to say it yet, so I stayed quiet for now.

At least...until I could finally prove my worth.

_Akagi-san..._

_It is you that I want to be proud of me._

The rest of our meeting was spent in silence. I knew that I should go back and rest for tomorrow, but I closed my eyes and let her rub my head with her towel until the rain stopped and my hair was completely dry.

Athough I probably didn't deserve to be here by her side, my selfish heart wanted to enjoy her soothing touch just a bit longer.

* * *

"Where were you last night, Kaga-san? Everyone was looking for you!"

"I didn't come late, did I?"

"No. But we got to wonder what our carrier was doing in the factory before her first bat-"

"Everyone, prepare to launch!"

Houshou's voice cut off the uncomfortable questioning session that was coming my way, and I prepared myself for my arming. Despite being completely geared up for battle, inexperienced ships were not allowed to arm themselves while launching, so I went after the other fleet girls had finished arming themselves and were waiting for me to come after them. The waves were calm and there was not a single cloud on the sky, but the weather was rather foggy. I had sailed many times before for fleet training, but this was the first time I headed out for a real battle. I breathed in that scent of the sea that I loved so much. This tension of war that surrounded me made me excited.

_Nee-san..._ I thought as I gazed upon the sky and briefly touched Tosa's hairband, _Your sister is finally going into battle._

"...You look so nervous. Ya scared?"

I quickly hid my hand. I didn't expect anyone to see me doing that. The one who spoke to me was a light cruiser who acted as one of our guides. If I remembered correctly, Tenryuu is her name. She has short hair and carried a sword in a scabbard that was fastened to her right hip... And uh...what were those things floating near her head...?

"I've patrolled around that area for months. They're just a bunch of chickens. This would be easy as pie for you," she winked at me.

I was a bit grateful that Tenryuu tried to encourage me instead of teasing my inexperience.

The two girls next to her laughed. I recognized them immediately from fleet meetings, but just like with Tenryuu, I didn't know much about them other than their names. The one with short hair and green-colored spectacles is a battleship named Kirishima, and the one with a really long ponytail that almost reaches her knee is a light cruiser named Yura.

"Tenryuu, you have good intentions, but don't put too much pressure on the carrier. It's her first sortie after all," Kirishima said. Tenryuu pouted at her and Yura let out a giggle. I guessed they hung out a lot with each other from their patrol duties around these waters.

"You too, Kirishima. Just because you're a battleship now doesn't mean that you should push yourself too hard," Yura remarked.

"Being a battleship now doesn't change anything about me being a proud warship of the Kongou-class."

That name sounded oddly familiar.

"...Kirishima-san, could it be that you are Kongou-san and Haruna-san's sister?" I piped out.

Kirishima seemed to be fascinated by my question. "I see that you've met my sisters. Now that I think about it, I remember that Haruna ever mentioned your name."

"We were roommates for a bit," I replied.

"My sisters are all splendid ships," she said, fixing her glasses with a fond smile, "We might not become an Eight-Eight Fleet super-dreadnought like you were planned to be, but we would do our best to support our future carrier flagships."

Future carrier flagships, huh...?

Even the battleships put much hope in the abilities of the aircraft carriers. That made me a little nervous.

Clutching my bow tightly, I tried to look as calm as I could in front of Houshou, who looked so serious that I asked her loudly through the winds.

"Mission objective?"

"Support of the ground forces with carrier aircraft. Heavy Cruisers Myoukou, Nachi, Ashigara, and Haguro would escort the Army to the continent. Battleship Kirishima, Light Cruiser Tenryuu, Destroyer Mutsuki and the others would help with scouting and providing cover. We still don't know how many planes they have."

I glanced around and saw a red-headed Destroyer listening to us intently as we sailed. Our eyes met and she bowed her head to me. Huh, I guessed that was Mutsuki. She looked pretty shy. I focused my attention to Houshou again.

"Sure thing, but why do it so early? Surprise attack?" I asked.

"Surprise attack."

I raised an eyebrow at Houshou's grim tone, but didn't ask her further about it.

We sailed smoothly on the sea until we arrived at the mouth of a large river and we finally saw land from afar. Orders from the base reached our ears right at that moment. I almost stopped sailing.

I must not have heard that order in full.

There was just no way that they ordered me to...

"Kaga, launch the first attack wave!" Houshou shouted, drawing her bow.

"Wait," I said to her, "We're attacking them when they're not prepared at all?"

"Yes. You have known about the objective, haven't you? Why do you keep asking about it?"

"Because I was told that the target that I need to attack is..."

"Kaga-san, if you don't launch your planes now, the enemy will find out about us!"

"But the target is..."

"Kaga, you have to do it now!"

"But they're telling me to bomb civilians!"

All the Destroyers and Houshou gaped at me. Tenryuu, Kirishima, and Yura didn't look at me, and I wondered if they already guessed this outcome from their previous patrols.

"Kaga... You are a warship," Houshou told me softly, "You know what the objective is. That is all you need to know."

"My planes are going to kill innocent people, on purpose," I said with a blank expression.

"We'll do everything that we can to ensure victory for our side," Houshou continued, "We're going to launch our planes to assist the Army. That's the order."

"Why do they ask me to..."

"Kaga," Houshou said to me sharply, "This is a war. This is what we train our whole lives for. This is what we were _born _for. All of us. We don't have the luxury to resist orders. We are nothing but weapons for them, they can replace us anytime. And if that happens, we won't be able to see each other ever again."

_"We will probably never cross paths ever again."_

That pain in Houshou's eyes were real. I knew that at that time, she was trying to protect me from the Navy. She always was. She had to make Akagi and I stronger, because the Navy had high hopes of us carriers. It was a double-edged sword. They would dispose of us if we turned out to be less useful than what they expected us to be. I wondered what kind of horrors that Houshou had heard from them. Disobedience is extremely frowned upon in the Navy, and if I dared to defy an order, it would definitely not just end with a warning...

My lips trembled as Houshou and the others stared at me in silence, waiting for their flagship to take action.

_Nee-san..._

I evaded their eyes and raised my hand toward the quiver on my back.

_"You have to work hard for my share too, okay...?"_

I took out a single arrow and Houshou dropped her gaze, preparing herself to launch her own aircraft.

_Nee-san, I'm sorry..._

_I'm always, _always _trying my hardest but..._

_This is _not _something that I want to do for your share..._

I forced my eyes to stay open as I aimed my arrow toward the quiet, peaceful land. The Army would soon begin their own attack.

_I have to keep living as a warship of the Navy..._

_I cannot just stop and cease to exist..._

_I carry your burden, and Amagi's too..._

_There are still things that I want to do in the future..._

Akagi's face crossed my mind as I fired my arrow to the general direction of the land and launched the aircraft for the Navy's opening gambit.

On that day, Aircraft Carrier Kaga launched her first mission: a ruthless terror bombing on a completely defenseless civilian population.

* * *

**January 1932**

**Following the Mukden Incident, Japan attempted to widen their military influence to Shanghai, which led to the January 28 Incident.**

**The Myoukou-class heavy cruisers escorted the transports conveying the elements of the IJA, while the 3rd Fleet, which included Kirishima, Tenryuu, Yura, Mutsuki, the 1st Carrier Division, and Houshou, were sent to Chinese waters in support of IJA ground force.**

**In this first major carrier action in the Far East, their aircraft flew to Shanghai for a surprise attack on the vulnerable population and various targets in the city, resulting in heavy loss of civilian lives and property.**

**This horrifying assault would later be known as the first terror bombing in the history of World War II.**


	4. Chapter 3: An Empty Shell

A/N: So I'm currently going through one of the harshest parts of my life right now, and I'm trying my best to get myself together. It was all probably my fault, but I guess it was fitting that I was both how it began and how it ended.

Putting all the ambiguous mumbo-jumbo aside, here's the 3rd chapter of Disassembled to force myself to function irl.

Also, Happy Midway Day~

* * *

**Chapter 3: An Empty Shell**

The war began on late January and lasted for more than a month. The first major usage of a standard carrier in battle was a success for the Navy. Quick, concentrated aerial strikes proved to be devastating for the enemy, and nearly a month after we joined the war, our fighter planes shot down an enemy aircraft and scored the first air-to-air combat victory for the Navy.

As the standard carrier and flagship, I was instantly showered with praise, but it meant that my weaknesses also clearly showed in battle. The problems with my faulty exhaust system, slow speed, and smaller flight decks were criticized and evaluated. Some of them spoke of my performance in glowing terms, but the rest were always getting at me with glib explanations, going so far as to call me a mediocre ship. They were probably in the middle of making a plan to put me out of service for a refit or modernization.

Tenryuu and Yura voiced out their displeasure because they thought that the higher-ups were ganging up on me, but I honestly didn't care.

My role in this war had attracted the attention that I needed for aircraft carriers.

That was what I kept telling myself to forget about that horrible thing I did.

I missed the main base so badly that I wondered why I was gleeful about the idea of going to war before.

However, during that whole month, I found myself missing Akagi the most.

Countless times, I had stood in front of the phone and did nothing but stare intently at it. I couldn't bring myself to listen to Akagi's gentle voice asking me, "How was your first battle, Kaga-san?"

I did not want to tell her about that.

I knew it was foolish. Akagi probably had heard about what I did from everyone else in the base. Not giving her a call at all would probably just make her more worried about me.

But I was a coward. She did call for me, several times, but I refused to speak to her. I didn't want her to be disappointed of me, all over again. Not when I finally could bring some good news back to her.

News that could make her proud of me as an aircraft carrier, not as a replacement of her sister.

Despite the fact that I had to come home with blood on my hands.

After the declaration of the cease-fire, the fleet were allowed to go back to the main base.

We didn't call it a victory, but the war ended with overwhelming damages to the enemy.

It also called attention to the potential of aircraft carriers in a naval battle.

I have fulfilled my objective, but to be honest, I didn't feel fulfilled. I was more hesitant to head back.

After my gnawing doubts prevented me from contacting her at all for a whole month, when Houshou probably did, how could I possibly face Akagi when I arrived back home?

The rest of the fleet girls welcomed us warmly when we got back. Before I could freshen up, I was bombarded with questions from all sides. Many of them were curious about how a fleet carrier battle really went, and they also congratulated me about my accomplishments. Judging from their excitement, you'd think it made front-page news or something. Everyone seemed to treat it like a victory, as they held a party for us and kept telling me to fuel up as much as I wanted. There were even games and prizes galore. I could never understand what all the fuss is about with parties. As long as a war existed, we fleet girls would never be allowed a free-wheeling lifestyle until the day we died, so some of us gloried in chances like this.

The rest of my fleet mates immediately joined the crowd to celebrate, except for Houshou, who would probably rather help out in the kitchen than party, and probably Mutsuki, because I did not see anywhere. Tenryuu became foul-mouthed and a compulsive gambler after a few drinks, Kirishima was gamely trying to find a way to make everyone's clothes glittery, and Yura, who was recounting an interesting battle to her sister ship Abukuma while excitedly waving her arms around, accidentally hit a waiter with a glancing blow and his tray of glasses went flying.

I wasn't really in the mood to party, and I couldn't stand all their uncontrollable gales of laughter. Everyone in the main base had heard of everything that happened in the front lines. And that meant Akagi had, too, although she wasn't here. It was even worse because everyone kept mentioning her name and regretted that she couldn't come.

And why was it so crowded here? Did they invite fleet girls from other bases too? The celebration was definitely just an excuse to party. No wonder the drunks were so loud.

"Ashigara, I think that's enough for today."

"Nachi, you killjoy. Get looost."

"Nope, she's right. You're embarassing, you have to stop now."

"Myoukou, come on. Give yourself a break. The operation was a success. We escorted those noisy guys! They wouldn't give me a chance though."

"You asked those soldiers out?"

"Yeah, Haguro, you saw their muscles? Their gadgetry? They really got me going. This definitely isn't the most glamorous job in the world, but it has its moments."

I sighed and stared at my own cup. They were still full. I guessed I made a mistake sitting near the Myoukou-class heavy cruisers, Myoukou, Nachi, Ashigara, and Haguro. They probably felt nothing about the stuff I went through to allow them to escort the Army during the war. Listening to their happy banters only made me felt more terrible about myself.

I really wanted to go back to my room, but I didn't want to disappoint the girls who held this party for the fleets that participated in the war.

Just when I thought nothing could possibly made my day more awful than it already was, I heard a voice from the seat next to me.

"You shitty carrier."

I blinked a few times, not sure if I heard that right. It was a girl with a long side ponytail. Her hairtie is decorated by a pink chysanthemum and a circular chime, and her face was so red that I could tell that she was completely drunk.

"Uh...excuse me?" I tried asking, but I guessed that was a wrong move because she proceeded to slam her drink on the table and yelled at me, "Shitty carrier! You shitty carrier! Why are you wearing such a glazed look in a party? You think you're so high and mighty, just because you have them planes, you shitty carrier! I will..."

"Akebono-chan!" The girl next to her cut off her rant. She had long raven hair, and she was wearing the same blue and white uniform as Akebono. She looked so nervous as her eyes darted between Akebono and me. "Akebono-chan, that is not what you intended to say just now! You said you wanted to congratulate her!"

"Eh? Am I not congratulating her?" she hiccuped.

"Akebono-chan!"

Oh great, an angry drunk.

"Ushio, get me a refill," she clumsily waved her paper cup around and knocked a passing girl's head, who also seemed to be drunk. This girl has brown hair which is tied into a ponytail with a black ribbon, and she looked absolutely furious.

_Oh, here we go._

"Hey, what's your problem? !"

"What the heck? !"

"You just hit my head, Akebono!"

"Shut up! How do you know my name? Who are you? !"

"The hell are you talking about! ! We're the same class, you jerk!"

"Shikinami, stop!"

"Let go of me, Ayanami!"

"Let me at her! Where are you taking me, Ushio? !"

"Sorry, we're leaving now, Akebono-chan! You have to wake up early for patrol duties tomorrow!"

"I'm getting off work!"

"Please don't joke about that!"

I watched the chaos that unfolded before me when Ushio was dragging Akebono out of the party, while Akebono continued to yell obscenities at everyone they passed by. Shikinami put her tongue out at her, but the girl she called Ayanami, who had a long side ponytail tied by a similar black ribbon, was still holding her tightly from behind. There was another girl beside them, whose hair was tied into a braid, holding two paper cups while saying, "Oh, it's a good thing Ushio is here before Akebono starts throwing drinks at people. Because I don't think Sazanami or Oboro would care."

"Whoa, whoa, what's with all the racket...?"

Oh great, after verbally assaulting me, Akebono attracted the heavy cruisers' attention to me. Thanks to her, there were now more than five girls around me who were too close for comfort.

The Myoukou-class heavy cruisers all wear blue and white clothes with stockings and puffed sleeves. They all have long black hair with differing styles, except for Haguro, whose hair is short.

Ashigara was the first to greet me. "Heeey, isn't it Kaga? Hey, Kaga, thanks for your hard work! Our job was easier back there thanks to you!"

Ayanami and her friends looked surprised to hear that. "Oh my gosh, you're Kaga? I'm really sorry about that," the girl with the braids quickly said, "Akebono...she isn't actually like that when she's sober."

"No, she actually _is _kind of like that when she's sober," Ayanami corrected her.

"Just to certain people. But she's usually really nice to fleet girls. Please forgive her rudeness."

Huh. Why did everyone start acting weird around me like I was intimidating or something?

"It's okay, Isonami. Kaga might look scary but she's actually not like that."

I glared at her. "...Nachi-san."

"Sorry, Kaga. You wouldn't believe how many times I said that to the destroyers who tried to talk to you tonight."

I gave her a questioning look. "...I don't think anyone tried to talk to me."

"That just goes to show that you couldn't convince them at all, Nachi," Myoukou laughed.

"Well, what am I supposed to say?"

"...I'm sorry that I make it hard for you."

"Oh, no, no Kaga, don't say that," Haguro hurriedly said, "They're probably just a little afraid of you because they're used to talking with Akagi."

Hearing them mentioning Akagi's name made me feel like a heavy stone was dropped into my stomach.

"Speaking of Akagi, where's that carrier gone off to?"

"Why are you asking me? Her partner is right in front of you."

"I'm not her..."

"Is she still in the factory?"

So now everyone assumed that I was her bestest friend or something...? Very funny, because I hadn't contacted her at all in a month.

"Probably..." I answered carefully.

Ayanami, Isonami, and Shikinami looked excited when Akagi was brought up. "I wonder when she can come out?"

"She was so graceful during the combined fleet maneuvers."

"I know right. Fleet carriers really are something else."

The heavy cruisers nodded in agreement and I raised an eyebrow at their remarks. I didn't know Akagi was this well-known among the fleet girls, since I never conversed much with them. Sure, a lot of people visited her, but I guessed she had more admirers than I thought.

The heavy cruisers seemed interested and now they were having a conversation about both Akagi and me.

"Akagi and Kaga sortieing together would be quite a sight, huh?"

"When can we see that? They've never practiced together, have they?"

"If you see her, Kaga, can you tell her that we're waiting for her to be back...?"

"We probably won't be good enough to be carrier escorts, but..."

"I guess we just miss her and her antics."

"You mean when she shut down the kitchen after she gobbled up everything and only gave us a lame apology after that?"

"Uh, I don't really miss that one."

"Why did everyone forgive her instantly, though?"

"Now that I think about it, she didn't look like she regretted her actions at all."

"Even though she's a glutton, she just looks cool when she's serious."

"And so cute when she begs for forgiveness, that everyone couldn't help but let it go."

I looked up to see them all smiling at me.

They made me realize that Akagi...who came to this base before me, who was under so much pressure as the only standard carrier, could still bring a certain kind of happiness to these girls around her. These girls didn't think of us the way the higher-ups did. The thing that pushed us to keep going, despite the crimes that we were all guilty of, was also right here in this room, in every life of our comrade. And that includes Akagi too. I could not just continue being immature and avoid Akagi forever. I promised myself to visit her tomorrow morning.

After the Myoukou-class cruisers left the party, Isonami, Ayanami, and Shikinami congratulated me and introduced themselves as Destroyer Division 19. We didn't talk much because Shikinami was drunk and was reduced to a gibbering mess, but they did tell me that they wished to sortie with Akagi and me in the future. Apparently Mutsuki told them all about my battles and they were really impressed. I never realized that she paid attention to me that much.

"Where's Mutsuki though?"

"Ah, she was here just a moment ago, with Fubuki and the rest of her Month sisters."

"Rambling about you, Kaga-san."

"I guess it was quite an honor to sortie with a standard carrier!"

I drank more from my cup to hide my embarrassment.

If more girls started to look up at me, I needed to get my act quickly together and really fulfill my promise to see Akagi tomorrow.

* * *

After I could not hold back my guilt any longer, I dragged my feet to the factory, hoping that Akagi would not get angry when she saw me.

When I arrived at the paved road where the factory fronts onto, my heart was still not prepared at all.

I stood for full five minutes at the front door before deciding that I was not ready for this.

I was about to turn around and go when the door suddenly opened and the girl I had been desperately trying to avoid was standing right there in front of me.

Oh, what a difference one second could make.

I swallowed hard as Akagi looked me full in the face and examined me from head to toe.

As much as I missed gazing at her, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, waiting for her inevitable rebuke.

But instead, I felt the sudden touch of her fingers on my cheeks, which caused my eyes to fly open in surprise. Akagi was running her hands over my face with a worried expression, as if she was making sure that I was really there. She was much closer to me than she had ever been, and it sure did wonders to my brain. Those small strokes she made completely turned me into a fumbling schoolboy.

"A...A...Aka..."

"Kaga-san..." she said with a slightly shaking voice, "...You're really here..."

That made me stare at her in confusion, but then I remembered this was the first time I met Akagi since I came back.

"...I thought... I thought everyone was lying to me," she continued, "Since you never called... I thought you sank and everyone was hiding it from me... Thank goodness... Thank goodness you're safe!"

She looked so relieved that a wave of guilt rushed back to me again.

For a whole month, Akagi thought that I had sunk and the others tried to cover it up, all because I was too afraid to make a call.

I had caused her too much unnecessary worry.

I really wanted to scream at my past self to call her or accept her calls. It seemed like so much burden had just been lifted from her shoulders that she looked like she was about to cry.

A late apology is better than none at all.

"Akagi-san... I'm sorry that...I didn't call..."

"It's alright, what's important is that you're safe," she said, and then she did something that made my heart jump to my throat. Akagi pulled me into a tight hug and wrapped her arms around my shoulder. Standing rooted on the spot, I thought I was melting in her embrace by the second, and my ears were ringing like an alarm in my brain. I didn't know what to do with my hands.

_I...I...I can feel her breas-_

"You don't have to try so hard..." she said quietly to my ear, "You can't sink...just like that. Please don't scare me like that."

Those words warmed my heart, and for once I was so grateful I got sent into war.

_Akagi-san...is really waiting for me to come home._

_I can feel...that I mean something to her, can't I...?_

My hands hovered over her back and, very slowly, I pressed my palms against her body and felt her long silky hair on the tips of my fingers. Her body heat spread to me and her scent filled the air that I breathed. It was so pleasant, so satisfying, like drinking full-bodied wine.

_God... this feels so good that there must be something wrong with me..._

"A-Akagi-san, I did it. It was a success. I scored our first air-to-air combat victory," I told her, "They are paying more attention to carriers now."

"That's amazing, Kaga-san, you did a great job," I heard her say, and my heart was swollen with pride.

"Thank you," I timidly replied.

I wondered if she saw me as a better carrier now...? She is truly gifted with such a sweet tone that can make me feel so pleased with myself. Oh, right, we promised to have dinner together. I could talk to her more that way. It would be so perfect.

"Kaga-san...you're too important," Akagi said again, "I don't know what Amagi-nee would say to me if... the one who she died for sink..."

The nice, pleasurable feeling that had been flooding my mind was suddenly washed away completely.

_Everything..._

_Everything she said..._

_Everything she did for me..._

_Everything was done for the sake of her sister..._

_To nurture me, to make me stronger..._

_She simply doesn't want her sister to die in vain..._

_Everything... Everything is..._

I put my hands on her shoulders and gently shoved her away from me.

I felt a twinge of regret when I saw her astonishment, but I didn't care.

"Kaga-san...?" she asked with a small voice. My hands were still on her shoulders and my expression probably terrified her, but that realization upset me far more than I dared to admit.

I didn't usually let my emotions show on my face. How did it come to this? Why did this girl have such a huge effect on my mind and body?

_I hate her._

_I hate how she can play with my feelings on her palm like a toy._

_I hate how she can make me __despise__ myself so much._

_I hate how she never looks at me the way I am, despite everything that I have done and accomplished solely to make her notice me._

It wasn't enough.

Not even achieving victory in that war would be enough.

Once again, I was too naive for my own good.

Nothing, _nothing _could make her notice me.

"Akagi-san..." I said to her, "...I want you to look at me."

Why the heck at that time I thought those words would do anything to Akagi other than bemuse her, I didn't understand.

"...I want you to look at Kaga..." I continued, while my throat started to hurt, "I want you to look at me, and see _Kaga_, not Amagi!"

Feelings that I had held back for months poured out of my mouth like a painful confession, and I regretted it almost immediately.

That was so cruel, so loathsome.

I could hear my mind screeching to me in absolute anger, screaming everything that I had locked tight at back of my mind ever since I was converted.

_You're despicable, Kaga._

_How could you say that to the dearest sister of someone who has saved your life? ? Ungrateful trash! You're a failure as a battleship, a failure as a carrier, and now a failure as a friend! You should just sink to the bottom of the ocean! You don't deserve to be saved. It is Tosa and Amagi who are supposed to be alive, not an ungrateful __scum__ like you...!_

I covered my ears with my hands, trying to block the voices in my head, but what had slipped through was enough to bring tears into my eyes.

_A failure!_

_You should just sink!_

_You don't deserve to even stand in front of Akagi!_

_Go away and never come back!_

My feet moved on their own and I reflexively ran away from that place, not wanting Akagi to see me cry.

_It's over... _I thought hopelessly, _It's over, she will definitely hate me no-_

"Kaga-san, where are you going?"

A hand that suddenly grasped my wrist stopped me from running, but I was not brave enough to face her anymore.

"Akagi-san, let me go," I demanded, but she held on tighter.

"Akagi-san," I called her again, but before I could yank my hand away, Akagi's arms had cradled my head and I found myself being held close against her body again. Her scent is intoxicating, and as much as I wished to get away from her, my mind was refusing me with all its power and my legs grew weak in front of her.

"Akagi-san!" I said, louder this time. I was so dangerously close to tears, I needed to leave quickly.

"...Sorry..." I heard her whisper without letting go of me, "Sorry...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, Kaga-san..."

Before I knew it, she was apologizing to me over and over, like a broken record, and she wouldn't stop stroking my head, reminding me of Tosa's gentle touch when she ruffled my hair.

_I don't want... this girl to remind me of Tosa._

_I don't want this girl to see me cry._

_I don't want...I just don't _want_ to be around her, because I don't know how she can have this effect on me...!_

But my eyes were quickly betraying me because her body was the most agreeable thing that mine had ever made contact with, probably even more so than Tosa's.

"Akagi...san..." I sobbed, "Let me go..."

"Kaga-san...is always trying her hardest," she said to me, "I know, Kaga-san hardly ever told me, but everyone always did. I was... always afraid that Amagi-nee's replacement was some fleet girl who wasted that precious life she had given her. That was why I lashed out on you. I was foolish, hateful, and afraid. But after I know you better... it makes me so happy that it turns out to be you, Kaga-san. When I see you, I can't help but wish that Amagi-nee were here to look at the fleet girl who replaced her. You are strong, hard-willed, and never once have you taken Amagi-nee's death for granted. I'm so proud of you, Kaga-san."

Drops of water started to fall freely from my face, causing wet marks to appear on Akagi's clothes.

I was too distraught to wonder if she was really being sincere or not, but those were the words that I wanted to hear the most in the world from her.

I buried my face in her shoulder, wanting to feel more of her warmth on my body.

"...I'm not...they said I'm mediocre," I said before I couldn't control my voice anymore, "I'm a mediocre ship, Akagi-san, just like you said since the beginning!"

"Well, you can improve," Akagi said without missing a beat, "But if you don't, it's okay. Kaga-san is fine just the way she is."

"No, you don't know me, Akagi-san," I cried, "They ordered me to kill innocent people, and I obeyed them! While I of all people should know how it feels to lose a family, I couldn't pity them enough to save them. When I was drawing my bow, all I could think about was myself. Myself, Akagi-san! This pathetic life that I was given to was all that I could think of. I'd rather save myself than save them."

Neither of us spoke for a few moments.

I didn't know what I was doing. I just thought that, although I wanted it so much... in my mind I still didn't deserve her approval.

Or maybe... It was that I could finally admit that I'm afraid.

Afraid of the punishment of my sins.

Nobody could just get a free pass to heaven after committing such a contemptible crime.

It might take five, ten, twenty years... but someday, I would be punished... and I would pay for every single life I took, every single family I ruined, every single child who was left alone in the world because of me...

"...Kaga-san..." Akagi began, "You know what we are, right?"

I gazed into her serious eyes and nodded.

"The only reason they built us is to kill people, nothing more and nothing less," she continued, "To be easily used, to be easily lost, to be easily replaced, we fleet girls are not supposed to have any kind of emotional attachment."

"But..." I interrupted her, "We do anyway."

"If it is to ensure absolute loyalty to the Navy, then it is the most effective trait of all," she said, "But just like every human nature that we copied, it is too prone of faults."

Her voice was unsteady and I was pretty sure she was holding back her tears.

I wondered if something happened while I was away.

Akagi... had locked her emotions deep inside after the Navy betrayed her and cast her sisters aside.

I wondered if this was her way of telling me that petty things like feelings were not needed as a fleet girl of the Navy.

_Built with emotions, consumed by emotions, then __ripped apart__ by emotions._

_All she has left now was herself._

_Her pride, her skills, her aircraft._

_Other than that, she is made of nothing but an empty shell._

* * *

**February 1932**

**Kaga's Nakajima A1N2 fighters shot down a Boeing P-12 in IJN's first ever air-to-air combat victory.**

**March 1932**

**Upon the declaration of the cease-fire, Kaga and the 3rd Fleet returned to home waters.**


	5. Chapter 4: Survivor Guilt

A/N: Chapter 4 of Disassembled is here! Happy reading, everyone~

A reply for Tizoc: Thank you so much for your review! There are actually several sources I read about Japan's withdrawal from WNT, with varying explanation. It's generally agreed that Japan handed their official renunciation of the treaty in December 1934, although some sources said it became effective since 1936. Some sources also said that Japan's renunciation first started from the exit of the League of Nations (it was like the event that triggered Japan's dissatisfaction to this whole following the treaty thing, including the London Naval Treaty), but some other reasons were also mentioned, like Japan's demand for equality with Britain and the US, which was refused. All in all, Japan stopped caring about ship restrictions and whatnot since 1933-1934. Not that they built a lot of new battleships after that, though.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Survivor Guilt**

On that sunny day, under the bright afternoon sky, Akagi and I finally had a small talk about our sisters, and although I knew there was still plenty of things we didn't tell each other, we made a decision to put everything that happened in the past behind. I was glad that we were able to share a little of our joys and grief.

We held hands and walked back into the factory, wiping our eyes as we walked. My face was an absolute mess, but in spite of everything, I felt lighter and happier than I had ever been in years.

I guessed that put a smile on my face after so long, which Akagi immediately pointed out with a loud voice.

"Ah, you smiled!"

I realized that I let it slip and blurted out to her, "Come again?"

"You smiled," she repeated, "It's so cute. Do it again!"

She looked so pumped that she was making me flustered. "No."

"Eeh, why?"

"No."

"But it's cute."

"I said no."

"Come on, pleaaaase? Just this once."

"Akagi-san, I said..."

"What should I do to make that cute smile show up again? Should I tickle you?"

"What? No! Akagi-san!"

With her eyes gleaming with excitement, as if she felt challenged by my reaction, she playfully made a grab for my arms and repeatedly prodded my neck and stomach, while I fruitlessly tried to wrestle my body out of her grasp. She didn't even have the good grace to disguise her glee at my embarrassment, which frustrated me because she was painfully oblivious of what she was making me feeling. When Akagi's breath was already dangerously close to my neck, an energetic voice called out my name and distracted her attention.

"Hey, Kaga! I've been looking for you!"

That voice sounded familiar so I turned my head to look at the owner. A young brunette with twin tails who was wearing a black skirt and a long-sleeved red coat was gamboling our way while waving her arm.

"R...Ryuujou-san...?" I grimaced while Akagi was still stubbornly hanging onto my waist.

"Yeah! Glad that you still remember me!" she said cheerfully, flashing her gleaming white teeth, "And oh, who is this? Your girlfriend?"

"No...!" I exclaimed, but Akagi's reaction was just a curious "Oh, does it look that way to you?"

I pushed her away from me, as I was aware of her transparent attempt to tease me.

It did nothing but make her smirk naughtily.

"A-anyway! Why are you here, Ryuujou-san?" I hurriedly said, trying to steer the topic away.

"I'm going to be comissioned soon, so they moved me here," she replied, fixing her tilted cap, "I was expecting to see you here, Kaga! Especially with all that news floating around. First air-to-air combat victory, eh? Talk about awesome!"

"Oh...thank you," I said, shyly evading Akagi's gaze when I realized she was smiling proudly.

"I also heard of other things they haven't announced yet! Like the plan to form the 2nd Carrier Division, I think they really will go with it now after seeing how well you performed in war. That might mean they will add more carriers someday," she explained, "Oh, and, there are also plans for your major reconstruction!"

That last bit completely caught our attention. "Reconstruction?"

"Ssh! It's still in the planning stages," Ryuujou hushed, dramatically putting a finger on her lips.

This girl... There was nothing that she didn't know, was it?

"Yes, major reconstructions, for you and Akagi! They are planning to get rid your weaknesses and power you up, clearly to increase carriers' role in battles. I didn't hear the details, but they mentioned better speed and newer, larger planes to easily obtain air superiority with preventive strikes. Isn't that great, Kaga? Since the great majority of them agree you need more fixing than Akagi, maybe they'll work on you first."

Akagi gasped at the news. Reconstruction... It would definitely mean that I could not go into battle again for a while, but I would gladly accept that if it was necessary to make me stronger. This was a rare chance and I had to grab it with both hands.

"Then what about that 2nd Carrier Division?" I asked her.

She tried to elaborate further. "Believe it or not, Kaga, I'm glad to say that they're pretty impressed by your work, so they're adding more carrier divisions! That means they would probably make Akagi the new flagship of the 2nd Carrier Division," she said, "But, ssh! Don't tell Akagi that! What if she gets upset? I heard she's in this base, but I haven't met her yet. Have you seen her?"

Ryuujou's statement made me froze.

I suddenly realized that Akagi was not clinging to me anymore.

I looked at her and she gave me what looked like a half-hearted smile.

"Congratulations, Kaga-san. I'm happy for you."

I gazed at her beautiful visage as Ryuujou realized who Akagi was and started to panic.

Our prediction did come true, they did plan to give us the qualities that we thought would be important in future battles.

Despite that, while she tried to calm Ryuujou down when she started apologizing to her nonstop, my mind was in complete jeopardy.

Because of me, Akagi lost her precious carrier division.

_Why can't I...just be a normal friend to you, Akagi-san...?_

_Just fellow __comrades__ who __fight__ in the same fleet before going on our separate ways, like everyone else out there.__.._

_We could just forget each other and never see each other again.__..._

_It would've been so simple.__.._

_Why can't it be like that for us__...__?_

_And why is it that I don't _want _it to be like that...?_

* * *

Akagi's reaction was exactly like I expected.

"Stop. I know why you're here. I don't want to talk about it," she held up her hand before I could open my mouth, but I stubbornly went ahead with it anyway.

"Akagi-san, listen. I should talk to them. I don't want this position. It belongs to you."

Akagi shook her head. "The position of 1st Carrier Division flagship belongs to whoever the Navy see fit."

"No, this is ridiculous. I never want to become a flagship," I insisted. Why was it so hard to get through to her? This was an obviously gratuitous decision.

Akagi sighed. "Kaga-san, you think about this too much. Consider it good for us because they're making plans to add more carriers."

I remembered what Ryuujou said. "Isn't that just a rumor?"

"They're probably preparing this new division for those carriers, but even if they don't, I'm fine with it. The 1st and 2nd Carrier Division seem to be interchangable and neither is more superior than the other. We also might trade places someday. We probably won't fight in the same fleet, but we're going to become flagships together. That's great, isn't it? It's not like they stop using me as an aircraft carrier of the Navy. After our reconstruction, I believe that we would become invincible."

I didn't know what to say to her, or where her confidence came from, but I like listening to her enthusiasm, and if Akagi is happy, I can't help but feel happy too.

However, her reaction was much gloomier when she first heard of the news from Ryuujou.

As I was wondering if it's okay for me to ask, she suddenly spoke. "The 1st Carrier Division is just that. A division. Why are you so worked up about it, Kaga-san?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but closed it again in an instant.

It was strange, just a moment ago the reason was so clear to me, but now I didn't really understand what I was thinking.

_It might be just a division but... this division, which Akagi-san holds so dear, which Akagi-san has been working so hard for, which is the only thing Amagi-san left for Akagi-san..._

_I can't just take it away from her._

"I know there's nothing to be worked up about," I replied, "But I just thought that...this division...this division is where Akagi-san belongs..."

She only gaped at me for a few seconds, and it was making me self-conscious because I felt like I was overreacting.

What was I thinking? Why was I making such a fuss of her?

I couldn't even get my meaning over to her.

There was nothing to gain from this conversation.

I didn't know why I started it anymore. To continue becoming a flagship should've galvanized me to make even more accomplishments. This decision didn't go against me at all.

I gave her a garbled explanation to forget about it and awkwardly walked out of the room.

It was strange spending time around Akagi. I felt like running the whole gamut of emotions from joy to despair. Or worse, I felt like I suddenly became gauche when she was present, and my emotions, which I usually could hide so well in front of other people, always threatened to slip out of gear.

"Kaga-san..."

I peeked over my shoulder and my eyes met her gaze.

"Thank you," she said, smiling at me with gratitude.

I probably should've said something before I left the factory.

But at that time, I needed my feet to bring me as far away from Akagi as possible, because I was blushing so furiously that steam was coming out of my head.

* * *

After I went back to base, I spent most of my time practicing with my fleet. I was not fond of socializing with the other girls, so at other times, I usually just studied and reviewed that day's training in my room. For the first few days, I tried visiting Akagi, but she was getting harder to meet now that her refit was nearing completion. I lied on my bed, feeling more bored than ever. Not being able to see her sucked, and it was starting to get to me. I wondered if I could do more stuff with her when her refit was finished. Maybe we could practice shooting together, or we could eat out somewhere, as a replacement of that cancelled dinner.

However, before I could make plans for our outing in excessive detail, there was something else that kept me occupied all of a sudden.

I was just eating some ice cream in Mamiya's cafe when out of the blue, Ryuujou casually sat in front of me and started asking me questions.

Ever since then, she often tagged along when I went out somewhere, whether it was to the dorms, the cafe, or the training grounds.

It wasn't like she was annoying, she was just an energetic, curious girl. I didn't feel like getting a new friend, either, since all we did was discussing Navy-related things and I gave her a glimpse into life in the carriers fleet main base. However, once in a while when we were alone, she would tell me about the rumors and the strange goings-on that were grabbing the headlines of the naval base newspaper, which almost always ended with "don't let this go further than these four walls!". Sometimes I wondered how she got at all these things that she had been telling me. Of course I didn't take any of her words as gospel truth, and almost anything goes these days, but some of the gory details were so outrageous that I couldn't see the subject the same way anymore.

I also heard from her that the Navy had exited the Treaty that caused the deaths of Tosa and Akagi's sisters.

I couldn't help but feel cheated.

If only... If only they didn't follow it in the first place.

Our sisters would still be alive...

But I guessed... Because of that treaty, I got to meet Akagi, and I don't think that's a bad thing...

It was no good thinking about that now.

At least that was how I tried to cheer myself before Ryuujou changed the topic again, because she probably noticed that I didn't really want to go there.

After some time, Ryuujou started bringing up more mundane topics, such as the girls around the base who turned out to be dating. This one was a bit of a common gossip. The humans could never understand how those feelings came into being, and neither could I. It was not about their gender for me, only humans fussed about something as trivial as that. It was just unthinkable for me to love someone so much that you would be willing to give your whole life to that person.

"So, Kaga, it's unthinkable for you to want to marry someone?"

"That is correct."

"Seriously? There has to be one or two fleet girls who caught your attention."

"Who knows. It's definitely not you, though."

"That is so rude!"

As I stopped listening to Ryuujou's stream of gibberish, I pondered about what she just said to me.

_There is only...one fleet girl who ever caught my attention._

Just having that thought inside my mind was already enough to make me blush.

Ryuujou never really told me anything about Akagi, and it made me feel glad because there probably wasn't any ugly rumors about her.

Until one day.

I was relaxing in my room when someone knocked on my door so loudly and desperately that I nearly dropped my book.

I thought there was a fire or something, so I rushed to my door and opened it.

Ryuujou was there, her clothes were dishevelled and her hair was so messy, as if she had been running nonstop against the cold windy air.

"Kaga," she panted, her face as white as chalk, "You have to come with me. Akagi is missing!"

My throat suddenly went dry.

"Akagi-san?"

"Yes, Akagi! She isn't in the factory, or anywhere around it, while they have made it perfectly clear to her that she's not allowed to walk around too much because her refit is almost finished. Nobody has seen her since this morning. She didn't even touch her breakfast! Just imagine! _Akagi_. Not touching her breakfast! The admiral and Houshou-san are away so we have no idea what to do. Half of the base are looking for her now!"

As I listened to Ryuujou's explanation, I tried to get a grip on what was happening.

The food in the factory isn't exactly gourmet food, but Akagi's appetite is unstoppable.

During the whole year since the start of Akagi's refit in December, she had never done anything against what the factory workers had told her.

Akagi was not the type of person who would go against orders without reason.

Something must have happened.

"Come on, Kaga, let's go!"

"Alright," I nodded and quickly dressed myself before going out of the dorm with Ryuujou.

I thought about the places that Akagi would possibly visit.

But how could we find Akagi without a clue...?

The other fleet girls probably had finished searching these places, and none of them provided Akagi with a strong enough reason to defy orders and be there.

My heart started pounding in an increasingly rapid pace.

I needed more information.

"Who saw her last?" I asked her.

"We've grilled the factory workers about her whereabouts and they only said she was still in her room last night," Ryuujou replied, "Nothing seemed out of ordinary, either."

Well, with Akagi's standards of hiding her emotions behind her killer smile, it was hard to tell at a glance that something was amiss.

_Where have you got to, Akagi-san...? Why did you go and disappear...?_

_Think, Kaga..._

_Where would Akagi-san, who is so dedicated to her duties, need to go so badly that she escaped from the factory when her refit is nearly done...?_

As Ryuujou was blabbering about how everyone was wondering if we should tell the admiral about this or not, I forced my mind to concentrate.

_There has to be one..._

_A place that she values more than the base..._

_Something that she values more than herself..._

"...Then they started arguing among each other, because half of them wanted to hide this from the admiral and call Houshou-san instead, while the other half..."

"Ryuujou-san..."

"...think that this is a serious problem and...what is it, Kaga?"

"What date is it today...?"

"Date...?" Ryuujou said, tipping her head to the side, "September 23rd."

"I see," I briefly replied, before sprinting in the opposite direction.

"But what does it have to do with...oi, Kaga! Where are you going?"

"I know where she's at!" I said as Ryuujou quickly followed suit, "September 23rd is...the day of the earthquake that killed her sister!"

"Earthquake...? Ah, I get it! Does that mean that she visits her sister's grave and hasn't come back?"

"No, Amagi was sold and scrapped before she became a full-fledged fleet girl, so they didn't build a grave for her," I said, running past a few people who looked at me weirdly, "But I know where Akagi-san possibly is."

We dashed down the gravel path and went past a lot more fleet girls along the road, then I finally saw it. The large, wooden building where I met Akagi for the first time.

"Wha...why are we going to the dojo?" Ryuujou asked, bending over as she tried to catch her breath, "The training grounds is closed for today. How did she..."

"She's inside," I assured her, "I can hear it from here. The planes."

Ryuujou scrunched up her eyebrows. After listening to her surroundings for some time, she piped out, "You're right! Gosh, what is she doing here...?"

I didn't answer her as I opened the entrance to the dojo. There was no sound other than the buzzing of the plane engines that got louder and louder as we approached the practice area.

It had been awhile since I last met Akagi. I was hoping to arrange a dinner for us the next time we met, and her happy, excited face would be all that I saw.

But I guess that could not be a reality.

The Akagi that we encountered in the dojo was far from the cheery, smiling girl that I had been waiting to see.

I never saw a more heartbreaking sight.

Kneeling on the floor of the dojo with her legs folded underneath her thighs was the ghostly figure of Akagi, still with her untidy bed hair and the white kimono that she usually wore to sleep. She was filthy and covered in sweat, while her feet were blackened with grime and full of cuts, then I realized that I didn't see her sandals anywhere and that she probably walked to this place barefooted. Her neck was fully extended and she was staring emptily at the high ceiling, with her face smeared by countless wet streaks, as if she had been weeping over and over again. Her fingers were curled around her bow on the floor in a death grip, and right next to her was an empty quiver. There wasn't a single practice plane left anymore. A few orange planes were still flying around the sky of the open grassy area when we arrived.

"Akagi-san..." I said breathlessly, but she didn't show any kind of response. Ryuujou's eyes darted between Akagi and me, but she stayed quiet. I guessed she just didn't want to interfere.

"Akagi-san," I called again, kneeling beside her and putting a hand on her shoulder, "Akagi-san, can you hear me...?"

Her mouth moved slightly and her voice was so small that I had to lean down to hear it. "...It's not enough..."

"What's not enough...?" I asked her carefully.

"...The training..." she gasped out, "I need to train more."

She unexpectedly stood up on her feet, but her balance was so poor that I hurriedly grabbed her left arm to stop her from falling. That was when I noticed that her fingers were shaking. I swiftly took hold of her left wrist and flipped her hand. A deep mark from her bow shaft was imprinted in the middle of her palm. The dirt on her hand was ground in, and her fingers were all stiff and trembling.

"Akagi-san..." I said in disbelief, "Just how long have you been training...? Have you eaten at all...?"

She might be pretending that she could still keep going, but those signs were a dead giveaway.

"Go away, Kaga-san," she murmured, "I still need to train."

I shook my head. "No, you don't. What were you thinking? You are not allowed to move alot, let alone push yourself to train like this! We have to go back, Akagi-san."

But Akagi would not listen to me.

"Let me go, Kaga-san! It's still...it's still not enough. I haven't touched that bow for so long. I'm getting behind. It was a mistake. I have to train. I have to train forever. I can't make a mistake. Not a single mistake. I can't be a disappointment, because I'm the only one of them left...!"

I saw that her eyes were glistening with tears as she struggled to stand, but I did not let her go.

"Akagi-san," I said, trying to stay calm as I put my arms around her, "The mechanics have said that you will regain your skills back in no time. And they would be even better because of your refit. You know that."

"They have no proof of that," she wailed, her voice cracking, "I can't... I need to... I can't sleep...I feel like they're all watching me...judging me..._scorning _me. I have to train. I have to train or die. A useless sister only has this body, this life to give. To destroy to pieces, to sacrifice every limb. If I don't do my hardest, to the extent of my limits, then I'm as good as useless. Then it's no good that I survived, I should just die with them instead...!"

As I hugged her closer, Akagi did not even have any energy left to fight me. I saw from the corner of my eye that Ryuujou was putting her hand on her mouth. She probably never expected to see our first standard carrier in this sorry state.

Behind Akagi's gorgeous smile lay a soul so crippled that the only way she could keep going was to maintain this absolutely perfect image that she showed in front of everyone else. It was the only thing that goaded her on, a fierce ambition with no meaning. It was just a proof that the gaping wound in her heart that was gouged by her sisters' death could not heal to this day, leaving this guilt that ground on for years. With the nature of fleet girls it was difficult for them to air their grievances. Most of the time there was nothing we could do about our pain and disappointment. We were only told to grin and bear it.

"Akagi-san..." I muttered to her ear, "Your sisters...they wouldn't want to see you torturing yourself to death."

Akagi's hands clawed weakly on my sleeves, and I could hear her sobbing softly against my neck. "They would definitely want to see you happy..." I said again, caressing the back of her head, "You don't need to get ahead of everyone. You deserve to be happy, Akagi-san."

I didn't expect my words to convince her, she had bourne this heavy burden alone for so many years anyway. But if they could at least provide her some comfort for now, no matter how little, then it was more than enough for me.

My eyes found Ryuujou's and she gave me a small smile. She winked at me and silently mouthed, "I'll wait outside, okay? God bless". Before I could answer, she had backed out of the room without making a sound.

I could sense heat creeping up my cheeks, but I didn't move away when Akagi started squeezing me tightly. I felt that... she needed someone's presence now more than ever.

"Why are you so kind to me, Kaga-san...?" she asked, "After all those hateful things I have said and done to you... Why do you even still put up with me...?"

I wish I knew the answer to that too. At least I was sure of one reason... although I didn't really know how to get it across.

"...Because you're also good to me, Akagi-san...and sometimes, when you smile... you look like you're in pain..." I told her, "...and that makes me wonder... if you don't allow yourself to be happy."

She didn't give a reply to my statement. She only continued to cry her eyes out in my arms as I awkwardly stroked her hair.

With how firm she was holding me I thought she would never let me go, but then she slumped against my body and let my arms hold her upright, looking more exhausted than ever. I guessed her lack of stamina eventually caught up to her. Or maybe, after this long day... she finally, _finally _allowed her body a bit of rest.

* * *

**March 1933**

**Refusing to accept the judgment of the League of Nations that Japan had violated Chinese sovereignty and international law with the invasion of Manchuria, the Empire of Japan withdrew from the League.**

**With this decision, the IJN's ship construction was no longer restricted by the Washington Naval Treaty, the treaty that caused the death of Akagi and Kaga's sisters.**


	6. Chapter 5: Invalid

A/N: The story pace would slow down for a chapter or two, and in case you're wondering... yes, I think this is going to be a really long fic.

We're going to take it easy for a while, so enjoy the chapter everyone~

* * *

**Chapter 5: Invalid**

I helped Akagi walk out of the dojo, where Ryuujou was waiting while leaning against the wall. When Ryuujou saw me, she grinned and gave me a thumbs up, then she patiently supported us as we slowly headed back to the factory. We let Akagi sit on her bed and I went to the kitchen as Ryuujou kept her company. I admire that girl; she has no trouble conversing with an unstable, distressed person and she seems to have a genius for making people feel like home. It probably helped Akagi that she didn't have to directly face a grilling. After she drank a lot of water, her expression was much calmer than when she was crying in the dojo, and she could have a small talk with Ryuujou.

There was nothing but rice in the kitchen, and although I knew that Akagi wouldn't mind, I couldn't just give it to her like that. I prompted to make a pot of porridge out of it before bringing the whole pot complete with the ladle to Akagi's bedroom.

"Akagi-san, I'm sorry, but this is all we have right now," I huffed, "I hope it is enough for you."

Ryuujou just stared at me and the ladle in my hand with her mouth open.

"...I'll never understand you standard carriers," she remarked.

"Get used to it," I said to her.

"What are your stomachs made of! ?"

I smirked and handed the porridge to Akagi. She was beaming, and I suddenly felt so self-conscious about this food I just made for her.

"Kaga-san made me porridge!" she said cheerfully.

My face flushed bright red in an instant. "It's...it's just porridge...it's just..."

"Hahahahaha! Kaga just stuttered!"

"Ryuujou-san!"

"Can I try the porridge too?"

"No. This might not be enough for Akagi-san."

"Oh, come on! Just a bit! I already gave you a free hand in the kitchen. Now I'm curious about how it tastes like!"

"No. Go make your own porridge."

"You'll make porridge for Akagi but not for me? ?"

"Yeah. You have a problem with that?"

"That's so unfair!"

Less than a minute later Ryuujou stormed out of the room crying dramatically, "I'm never giving you my freebie bauxite again! Damn yooou."

I heard a tiny laugh from the bed and I realized that I was smiling myself.

Getting to see Akagi giggling at our bickering was probably the best prize that I wanted from this long, tiring day.

Truly, an atmosphere of warmth and geniality suits her better than the cold, poignant loneliness in that empty dojo.

"Why don't you let her try?" she chuckled.

"It's better than giving it to her with a bad grace. Just let her be. Please eat up, Akagi-san," I urged, "Um, I'm sorry if it's not to your liking."

"Oh, not at all. It's delicious!"

I snorted and leaned closer to her. "Really? Don't lie to me, Akagi-san."

She regarded me for a few seconds before muttering apologetically, "Okay, it was God-awful."

"Obviously," I said, although I wished she could sugarcoat it a little.

"But," she added, "I want to eat it."

"You don't have to..."

"No," she insisted, taking another sip from the ladle, "I want to eat the porridge Kaga-san made. I'm going to eat until I'm stuffed to the gills!"

"Now you sound like Ryuujou-san," I laughed nervously, "...I'm not a great one at cooking, but next time I'll make you something that tastes better than this."

"You'll get there," she assured me, "And I'll look forward to it!"

"Yeah," I replied. I couldn't describe how light my heart felt just looking at her, completely safe and sound, sitting right there in front of me eating the porridge that I made for her.

I just wished to goodness that she could pass the rest of this painful day in peace.

_And to tell the truth_, I thought as Akagi was watching me with childlike gratefulness and my cheeks started to burn,_ I am not ready to have a long conversation with just the two of us yet_.

I still couldn't come to grips with these feelings I had been having.

"So, uh..." I cleared my throat, "I think I'll catch up with Ryuujou-san. She's probably waiting for me outside. Please rest for today, Akagi-san."

However, Akagi's reaction was not exactly what I expected.

When I turned away to walk out of the room, I felt a tug on my back.

Akagi's hand was firmly holding onto my skirt. Her smile disappeared from her face and she dropped her gaze, looking more uneasy than ever.

I gave her a curious glance and wondered what was wrong.

"Akagi-san...?"

"Um..." she mumbled, "Kaga-san..."

"What's wrong...?" I asked her.

I was starting to get worried. Did she get hurt elsewhere...?

"...I...I don't think I can sleep alone tonight. I keep having bad dreams..." she said, still not looking at me, "...Would you please...stay...?"

My face went slack and my body couldn't move as I was trying to register her request.

_Stay...? As in... the whole night...?_

Without thinking this through I would have definitely refused.

But Akagi's voice was quivering, and she was not the type of person who could freely admit that she was losing her grip. She usually buried those emotions deep inside, putting her jovial, confident front to block all access to that certain side, thus making it impossible for anyone to get at it.

I wasn't good with sad people, but... Akagi needed this.

She finally admitted that she needed help.

I could not just turn her down and leave her to her nightmares.

If she'd like me to help, then I'd be only too glad to.

"...I'll stay."

Her eyes lit up and her smile returned when I said that, and as soon as I saw it I completely forgot why I even hesitated in the first place.

* * *

"So you're going to stay?"

Ryuujou had spoken even before I could open my mouth when I went outside to meet her.

Her guess startled me, but Ryuujou only asked me to confirm if it was true or not.

"How do you know?"

"Well, I don't think she's in a good enough state to be left alone," Ryuujou shrugged, "Someone needs to accompany her or that sister of hers would roll in her grave...if only she had a grave. And besides, you're pretty fussy about Akagi. I'm sure your worry wouldn't go away that easily."

Was I that obvious, I wonder?

"I'm sorry that I can't go back with you to the dorm."

That gave her the giggles for some reason.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I'll forgive you if you can be honest to me about one thing..." she said with a smirk, "...Kaga, do you like Akagi?"

My eyes were probably as wide as saucers at that time, but I consoled myself and thought that it was just another one of her innocent questions. Or her attempt to get at a juicy gossip about Akagi and me. I decided to take it as the former.

"Of course I like her. What are you..."

"You know what I mean," she cut me off, "Do you have a crush on her...?"

Her tone was more serious now and it left me speechless for awhile.

"What are you getting at...?" I questioned her.

"Well, I don't have the gift for reading your body language or whatever, but you... The only person you ever talked about is Akagi, you devote a good deal of attention to her, you speak more and smile more when she is around, and that face you made when hugging her just now...? If all of these things you did came out of feelings of friendship, I'll eat my cap."

I had no idea how she could say all that with a straight face, but oh God... couldn't she at least give me a warning? That totally caught me off guard.

"I... She's just..." I stumbled on my words, "You're wrong."

"Oh, so you don't have any feelings for her?"

The word "no" was at the tip of my tongue at that moment, but it failed to leave my mouth.

I couldn't say that word.

I couldn't deny her outright.

_Why...? Why...? Akagi and I are just friends, and I don't want it any other way._

_...then why couldn't I tell Ryuujou that?_

She only stared at me with an expression that clearly meant, "I thought so."

I felt a little angry with myself. If she was trying to goad me into answering that question, I would not play this game with her.

"Even if I do, there is no point of it at all," I said to her, "Fleet girls are never supposed to have romantic feelings for each other."

"Don't tell me you believe the Navy's nonsense that fleet girls have a tendency to confuse their platonic bonds of friendship for romantic affection," Ryuujou remarked.

"It's..."

I wanted to say that I agreed with them, but then I contemplated the possibility that these feelings I had been having were artificially made, designed to ensure a solid, efficient connection and teamwork with the first converted carrier. My breath caught in my throat.

I found myself hating that idea. It sickened me.

I didn't know what else to say to Ryuujou. I never gave all of these things much thought before, although for some fleet girls, these could be everything for them. Sometimes I heard them talking about this with a solemn expression on their faces, but I was never interested enough to get it on their discussion. It surprised me that this really bugged me now.

However, we had always known that the Navy was also still learning about the fleet girls, and there were still many things that they could not understand about us. I suppose that's what you get from playing God.

_Do those girls start having a grievance against the Navy after being told that their feelings are invalid?_

_Do they start thinking about this after they start sensing something deeper, something new and foreign when they look into the eyes of their loved ones?_

_Are these feelings I've been having when Akagi is next to me... that same kind of feelings...?_

"...Hey, Kaga..." Ryuujou said after a moment of silence, "You don't want to believe them, do you?"

I shook my head almost immediately.

I never cared about this before... but right now, I simply couldn't accept the Navy's statement as the truth.

"That's much better," a goofy grin appeared on her face, "I'm rooting for ya!"

"There is still no point," I insisted, "Akagi-san...doesn't think of it like that at all. Having a strong attachment to someone would give us a weakness, a disadvantage. It doesn't have any benefit whatsoever in a war."

"That is if you think of it in that way," Ryuujou said, "But for me, I'm always glad if I have another reason to survive and go home."

I gawked at her. Back when my mind was considering about refusing the orders of the Navy in my first war, I remembered Akagi. All I wanted at that time was to live. To live and go back to her. I didn't even care how many I should kill. It was twisted. Even if these feelings were not deliberately conjured up by the Navy, it was indeed powerful.

Powerful and meaningless.

"Akagi...probably has feelings for you too," Ryuujou said.

"And you want me to gamble on it? Fat chance of that happening," I huffed.

"Don't give me that. You have a lot going for you. Who knows if that gamble pays off? You might be able to see Akagi nak-"

"Whoa, stop right there! !"

Ryuujou chortled loudly while holding her stomach.

"To be honest, I said all those just so I can find something to tease you with," she smirked.

_So that's her game. I knew it. I'm so going to get back at her for this._

However, her voice sounded sincere when she encouraged me, "I don't think you should give up that quickly, Kaga..."

I looked away from her.

Ryuujou would not understand.

There was no hope for me to begin with.

Akagi had been hurt so much in the past that she'd rather die as a ship than live as a fleet girl.

She didn't want to have feelings.

Not for me, not for anyone.

Because she was desperately protecting that last piece of her heart from being utterly destroyed like the rest.

* * *

My head was still spinning when I gingerly walked back to Akagi's room.

Perhaps I grew to adore Akagi without fully realizing it, but I knew that I shouldn't be feeling these things.

It wouldn't do any good for Akagi, who needed support from a friend now more than ever.

Not from a girl who got confused if she wanted to hug her out of sympathy or longing for her touch.

_Man, you're so dirty, Kaga. Now you've really gone and done it. Why did you even agree to do this?_

And it was even worse because although Akagi acted like she was okay, her body wasn't exactly in any shape to do everything herself.

When I arrived back in her room, she was in the middle of checking her hands and shoulders.

"How are they...?" I asked.

"Painful..." she said, waving her arms around, "I can't move them much."

"Akagi-san," I sighed, "Please... don't forget that you can still get injuries from overworking your body."

There was a ghost of a smile on her face as I rolled up her sleeve and examined her right shoulder. It was warm and a bit swollen.

"It's okay," she told me, although she winced when I touched it, "I've had worse before, it's..."

"Before...?" I exclaimed, "Akagi-san..."

"I know, I'm sorry," she quickly said.

"Sorry won't cut it," I dismissed her apology, "...Our blood... It's red, isn't it? We're half-human, Akagi-san, and the Navy still cannot figure out how exactly our biology works. If you keep carelessly pushing your body like this, there will come a time when they cannot figure out how to fix the damages that you inflict on your own body. You might not be able to launch an aircraft anymore."

I didn't know why I scolded her like that. I just couldn't watch her torturing her own body like this until she couldn't go on anymore.

Because my dream... my dream was...

"...Kaga-san..." she suddenly spoke, "...Do you think that...I'm more of a ship...or more of a human...?"

My eyes were fixed on her hand as I softly massaged her knuckles.

"What kind of question is that?" I replied, "You're a fleet girl, Akagi-san. You're neither of those things."

"Then what's the limit of it?" she asked me with a glum look on her face, "Why can't I just be a ship, or a human? Why do I have to live like this? Why do I have to live? Why do I..."

"Stop it," I interrupted her, "I don't want to hear those things from you."

I gnashed my teeth, feeling angry with myself. It was a really egotistic thing to say. I couldn't bear seeing Akagi losing her will to live. I couldn't let her self-doubt gnaw away at her confidence. Because... all this time... she had always been one of my biggest reasons to keep going with this imperfect body, keep believing in this path I was forced to walk with her.

"...Akagi-san...you cannot just give up and die. I know you are stronger than that," I said, "...Everyone in the base loves you. They are all waiting for your return. They are all waiting to see you launch your planes again. They don't want you to die, Akagi-san."

I remembered the fleet girls at the party mentioning Akagi's name with big smiles on their faces. They would miss Akagi when she was gone... and I could not let that happen. Both for them, and for myself.

She didn't make a sound for a while, and the ticking of the clock on the wall was the only thing I could hear for several seconds. I realized that the situation was getting rather awkward, so I let go of her hands and said to her, "You need to get yourself cleaned up, Akagi-san..."

As I bent down to help her stand, I heard her whispering to me.

"...What about Kaga-san...?"

Our faces were so close and she was looking at me with the most serious expression I had ever seen. That completely took my breath away.

"What...what about me...?" I stammered.

"Does Kaga-san... love me too...?"

I thought my heart just stopped beating right then and there.

_"I don't think you should give up that quickly, Kaga..."_

_No._

_Kaga, no._

_Stop hoping._

_She doesn't mean it in that way._

_She will _never_ mean it in that way._

_Your selfishness is not what she needs right now._

I opened my mouth and my voice came out like sharp thorns that prickled my tongue.

"Yes, I love you, Akagi-san," I answered her with the most neutral tone I could muster, "I'd be glad if I could see you launch your planes again."

Akagi rested her head on my shoulder and said nothing else, as those depressing, empty words echoed inside my mind.

_I love you._

_I love you, Akagi-san._

_I love you._

It's amazing how three words can mean so much... and yet so little.


	7. Chapter 6: White Rabbit

A/N: I'm going to be away for several weeks after this, so the next update might be longer than usual. The best case scenario is chapter 7 coming around the end of August, and worst case scenario is around the middle of September.

Anyway, here is chapter 6 of Disassembled. Enjoy~

* * *

**Chapter 6: White Rabbit**

What always made me happy to spend time with Akagi was the little things.

The adorable red gingham pajamas that she chose to change into that night.

The thankful grin she gave me as I agreed to accompany her to the docks.

The excited twinkle in her eyes when she saw the entrance to the baths.

"Akagi-san, do you like baths?"

"Well, the Navy said I should enjoy it as much as I can before I get sick of it."

I just stared at her. "...They said I would understand someday," she shrugged.

_That's...uh, that's actually a good way to prepare her for what's coming._

"Hey, Kaga-san," she said, tugging at my arm, "Will you get in too?"

I could sense blood immediately draining from my face to the lower parts of my body.

Which wasn't good when my brain currently needed as much power as possible to think properly.

"...And why do you think that I will?" I asked her, trying my hardest to keep a straight face, "I can just wait outside."

"That's no good. It's cold outside. You should join in, Kaga-san."

My mind was still quicker than my body, which was fortunate because if it wasn't for that, I would probably go ahead of her and get rid of my clothes before I realized what I was doing.

_No, no, no, wait, not so fast._

_Quick morality check._

_Why do I want to bath with Akagi-san?_

_1\. It's cold outside and Akagi-san asked me to_

_2\. I'm sweaty too so I might as well clean myself_

_3\. Akagi-san will be completely naked in a hot steamy bath_

_If reason number 3 is stronger in my head than the rest, then I should not go in because it would be dangerous for both Akagi-san and myself._

Akagi watched me musing on her request and tilted her head to the side. My thoughts immediately ground to a halt.

_...Forget it. She's too cute. It's number 3. I'd better run before I agree._

"Okay, Akagi-san. I think I should go no-"

But Akagi wasn't listening anymore. She grabbed my hand and pulled me inside, giving me less than a second to prepare my heart.

It was dumb just standing there in the changing room. I fixed my eyes at the rows of baskets on the racks, figuring out how to come out of this dock with my friendship with Akagi still intact. I took a cursive glance at her and realized immediately that it was a huge mistake. Without saying anything, Akagi took off her clothes right in front of me and paid no heed to my dropping jaw.

I couldn't possibly imagine a better body.

Sure, some people said I wasn't bad myself... and I had seen girls with more toned, leaner frames, but good God... everything under that kimono of hers is perfection defined. There was just something about that smooth skin... those full breasts... and those well-rounded hips that mesmerized me as my eyes savored this truly enthralling sight.

At first glance, people might not expect her figure to be this alluring, but this...this is something else.

_Please, please just give me some time to burn this into my memory forever..._

"Kaga-san...?" she called as she took out a towel.

_Uh... five more seconds._

She was probably getting worried because I had been standing there like a statue for several minutes.

"Kaga-san?" The completely nude Akagi took a step closer to me and hesitantly touched my face, "What's wrong...?"

That caused something to explode in the back of my mind.

I instinctively leapt away from her, nearly hitting my head against the racks.

_God almighty, what the heck is wrong with me? I never reacted this way with other fleet girls I met in the docks..._

"A-Aka... I'm not..." I gasped, trying to keep my cool, "Can I... Can I just sit around and wait?"

Akagi blinked. "But you could just..."

"No, really, no," I looked up at the ceiling, which was gleaming with fresh white paint. Staring at the most boring thing in that room was much more acceptable than at those least boring ones below Akagi's collarbones...

"It's okay, Kaga-san," she assured me, "Here, let me help you..."

As soon as her finger touched the knot on my clothes, a glimmering of a horrifying idea flashed inside my head and I grabbed her shoulders, putting a definite distance between me and her.

"Akagi-san," I said to her with a solemn voice, concentrating my eyes on her face, "I'll just...stay here."

"But isn't it cold in here?"

"It's fine for me. I have high body temperature."

"Oh..." she said with a knowing tone, "So that's the reason."

"What reason?" I asked her.

"Sometimes, when I feel down, I go to the docks to spend some time soaking and clear my head. When Kaga-san hugged me just now...I felt like my body was being put in a warm bath. It was so calming and relaxing. Thank you," she explained with a grin, "...If...you don't mind... Can I borrow that body heat of yours again sometime...?"

My brain directly played a clear flashback of it as she waited for my reply with a shy smile.

Everyone was always saying that my body temperature was too high, especially in a closed room where my mere presence seemed to make the air grow hotter. I guessed this was the first time ever that I felt grateful of it, and it still amazed me how Akagi could easily make me feel good about my imperfections.

I really wanted to answer that I would give her as many hugs as she needed, but my only response was just a nod and a lame "yes".

She gazed at my face for a while with a curious expression before turning around and heading toward the baths.

I let out a huge sigh of relief.

However, I couldn't shake off this weird feeling inside my mind.

From Akagi's strange response, I wondered if just for a moment, she could see that my eyes were glittering with desire.

* * *

I found out the hard way what Akagi meant when she said she spent much of her spare time in the factory "playing games".

It turned out that she got rather great at them after playing them enough times, and I regretted challenging her for a few rounds of shogi after her seventh consecutive victory. But when I watched her gloating over my loss, I figured that I didn't mind being beaten by her as long as this made her happy.

"This is nothing more than a glorified version of chess," I grumbled, putting the pieces back into its wooden container.

"If you practice more, you might be able to beat me, you know? I played this game with Tenryuu-san before and she said the same thing, but she got better eventually," she laughed, "And you almost won, remember?"

"But I still lost in the end."

"I have to admit, it was funny seeing your enthusiastic 'it's game on!' for a moment just now."

"Ugh, I'm never going to believe your dejected face anymore."

"It's called bluffing."

"Don't play silly games with me."

"But I wasn't cheating. Personally, I think of this as a simplified version of war."

"Thanks, but I'll have to pass. I've had enough of the other war already."

"You just need to take a break," she stood up and took the box from my hand, "And oh, that reminds me of something!"

I watched her with interest as she hurried to the wardrobe and picked something up from the lower drawers.

It took a while for me to realize what it was as she waved it in front of me.

It was a plastic keychain of a white rabbit relaxing in a hot wooden tub, with a red onsen symbol carved on its side. It is wearing a red ribbon on its neck with a little bell glued on top of it, making soft tinkling sounds.

"I've been wanting to give this to you, but I keep forgetting," she told me, "Kaga-san, you're from Kobe, right? I thought you would miss your hometown when you're here, so I ordered this keychain to commemorate your first battle, but it came rather late, and I should've ordered it gift-wrapped. It's a bit gaudily painted, but the seller said this is a famous Arima Onsen exclusive! Look, they also sent me this glossy brochure about the onsen!"

She put the keychain on my palm and I examined it for a few seconds as she stood in front of me with an excited expression on her face. Arima Onsen of my hometown is still, to date, one of the most famous and oldest hot springs in Japan that attract a lot of tourists every year. Tosa wanted to see what it looked like once...but she didn't live long enough to do it. I guess I have to visit it someday, when I have the chance to go back to Kobe. I felt touched that Akagi still remembered where I came from, although I didn't know why she thought a bunny keychain would be a perfect gift to commemorate something like a war.

I chuckled and said to her, "I never go to Arima, but I don't think they sell this there."

It seemed like there was something else she wanted to say, but she ended up choking on her surprise. "A-are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure they don't sell famous exclusive keychains like this."

She deflated in an instant and started mumbling to herself in front of me. "I knew it was a marketing gimmick. Why did I believe them so easily? They even had the nerve to tell me that 'it would definitely remind her of Kobe!' and I quickly fell for it..."

"Akagi-san," I said, "It's okay, I like this."

"No, Kaga-san, that's probably just a cheap knock-off. They probably grind out lots of those everyday..."

"I like this," I repeated. I knew she would need some convincing. "I'll keep it. Thank you so much, Akagi-san."

It was probably too soon to say what I really had in mind.

_I'm so happy that you took your time choosing a present for me._

_I want to keep this with me forever._

I put the rabbit keychain in my pocket and she muttered something that sounded like an apology.

Before I could reassure her that it was alright, she let out a tiny yawn.

"Sleepy?" I asked her, and she nodded at me, her eyes glazing.

"I'll sleep in the futon. You can sleep on the bed, Kaga-san."

"That's no good. I'm okay with the futon, really," I told her, "You should rest well tonight. They might scold you to bits tomorrow for disappearing the whole day."

"Can I just forget about that tonight...?" she whined, plopping onto the bed, "I wish I could just relax somewhere, like in Arima."

"Then how does a trip to Arima grab you?"

"Really? You'll accompany me?"

"Yes, of course."

I found this childish side of hers endearing. Akagi usually keeps her cool mature image in front of everyone, so it is quite rare to see her like this.

My eyes were glued to her again before I realized it, and as she turned sideways to face me, she gave me a small smile.

However, it seemed a little forced, and I wondered if what happened just now was still gnawing at her.

I got closer to her and sat down next to her bed.

She looked up to me with those bewitching eyes and I wished I could get rid of whatever was bugging her mind at the time.

But I had no idea how, so I just carefully raised my hand toward her face, and her smile grew wider, as if she was giving me the go-ahead to touch her.

I put my palm on her temple and gently rubbed her head, as she began to relax and close her eyes. The strands of her hair felt so soft and damp against my fingers when I caressed her head and cheek. She brought her hand to mine and leaned her face against my touch, encouraging me to continue. I had no idea how many minutes had past when she opened her eyes and whispered to me, "I could never sleep on this date, September 23rd."

I listened to her in silence as I stopped moving my hand, but she didn't let go of it and pressed the tips of my fingers against her cheekbone.

"It was even worse back then. I kept hearing voices. I could only sit in the corner of my room and cry. I did not want to bother anyone. When Houshou-san found out, she made me tea and we talked about anything we could think of, until the day had passed. She said that I could depend on her... but I thought I was done depending on anyone but myself."

A single tear rolled down from her eye to my hand. "I... I don't know what I'm going to do..." she said with a strained voice, "I don't know what I'm going to do if I start depending on you..."

She continued to cry in front of me, holding my hand tightly in hers as she bathed it in teardrops.

_Akagi-san..._

"Everyone I depended on... Everyone I cared for... They all died before me."

_Akagi-san..._

"I don't want Kaga-san to die."

_I'm sorry._

"Akagi-san...?"

I spoke to her in such a small voice that I was not sure if she heard me.

"I won't die," I said to her as I wiped her cheek, "We're already stuck with each other. We'll grow together as aircraft carriers. I will be here with you until the end."

At that time, I wasn't thinking about just how much danger a fleet girl was destined to go through before her inevitable demise.

I just gave her this promise out of my determination, because a promise was all that I could give her.

Although Akagi definitely knew how foolish my words sounded, she pulled my body against hers and hugged me for God knows how long until she fell asleep in my arms. We slept together on the futon that night, leaving the bed untouched.

I pressed my forehead lightly to hers as I drifted off to the land of dreams, where the two of us boarded the last train to Kobe and never looked back.

I couldn't exactly recall what I saw.

But I remembered putting the white rabbit keychain on my bag before holding her hand in my mine... and that matching pair of golden bands on our ring fingers looked so beautiful under the sunset.


	8. Chapter 7: Reunion

**Chapter 7: Reunion**

The next day, I accompanied Akagi to her refit. The mechanics were understandably upset about her reckless behavior. When I asked them whether her damages would have negative effects on her refit, they assured me that they would grapple with the issue and reported this to the Navy as soon as they could. They might still be able to finish it on time, but she would require a longer time to adjust herself until she could properly launch a plane again. Akagi didn't complain when they gave her a stern warning to keep herself rested or she would never get to first reserve status. I guessed she had learned her lesson. She clung to me the whole time before starting her refit, and hearing her say that she owed me a great debt of gratitude before she waved goodbye to me was enough to send me to that day's fleet exercise in high spirits.

Afterward, Akagi went right back to her refitting process routines once again. I didn't see her much even after it was finally finished, because the higher-ups gave her a punishment where she was obligated to go back to service as soon as possible. That meant she had to undertake rigorous body conditioning that might or might not be painful judging from what I heard from some fleet girls who had gone through it. After not hearing from her for some time, I became worried sick. Even if I wanted to see her, she was also not allowed to meet anyone as a part of her punishment, so it was no go. Ryuujou continued to be a great one for idle gossip, but she hardly brought Akagi up because she thought it would just make me feel even worse than before.

When I missed Akagi so bad, I found myself staring longingly at that small bunny keychain.

Days passed and before I knew it, April had arrived. Although the landscape was drastically changing, the sea remained the same, and I liked it better that way. But lately, it always reminded me of this dullness inside my mind. I tried to ignore it in the best way I could: keeping myself busy with training.

"Thank you for your hard work today."

I politely returned the bows the other fleet girls gave me after that day's training maneuvers.

As I put my quiver away and picked up my bag, I heard a soft ringing sound.

I've been carrying the keychain that I received from Akagi with me everywhere except during fleet exercises.

I got used to the light jingle that followed me whenever I walked, and it attracted the curiosity of some fleet girls.

"That's a cute keychain."

Today's remark came from my former fleet mate, Yura. Having gotten rid of her gears, she stood in front me in her usual grey and white sailor uniform with arms akimbo. Her huge ponytail was tied with a brown ribbon that made a loop of criss-crossing spirals that ended with a pretty bow on the tip of her ponytail. I still wondered how she managed to arrange that hairstyle every morning.

When I was about to reply to her, I realized that someone was hiding behind her back, someone who was wearing the same uniform as her.

Yura seemed to notice my questioning look, so she said, "Oh, there's someone I want to introduce to you, Kaga."

However, the brunette behind her ducked her head when she heard that, and I could see her looped twin tails waving.

"Come on, you're the one who said that you want to introduce yourself to her!" Yura said with an impatient tone.

"I said I'm going to do that with Ushio!" a muffled voice behind her responded.

"Nuh-uh, don't act like I don't know you and Ushio. It'll be forever until either of you take even one step closer to Kaga, so I'm helping you out now!"

"T-that's not true! I would've done it today if Ushio wasn't taking care of Akebono!"

Although Yura sounded rather annoyed, she looked like she was having fun when she tried to push the girl to me. It seemed that this was all just a game for her.

"Kaga, this is Abukuma, sixth ship of Nagara-class light cruisers. As cruisers go, she's not bad, but she's the youngest of us all so she can never seem to get over her shyness, and her habit of hanging out with Ushio doesn't help. Then she develops this phobia of facing a stranger head-on ever since that incident with Kitakami..."

"That's because Kitakami is-!"

"Anyway, she got disappointed that she was assigned to the 3rd Fleet but didn't get to battle with you because she was assigned for patrol duties on the cold, cold North..."

"You don't have to make it sound so sad!"

"So here we are. I guess there's a thing or two that she wants to say to you."

I recalled seeing this girl several times during fleet training, but it was true that she didn't go with me to battle. If I remembered correctly, she was next to me when we were grouping around for a photograph near the end of the war, but we never spoke at all.

It took Abukuma several seconds before she finally moved from behind Yura's back and spoke to me while kneading her hands, "H-hello, I'm Abukuma, a light cruiser. ...I-I heard amazing things about you, Kaga-san!"

"Oh..." I said, not really knowing how to respond, "They might be exaggerating things because they never saw a fleet carrier fight before."

"B-but still, I'm looking forward to working with you, Kaga-san! And Akagi-san, too!"

"Akagi-san, uhh..." I muttered, "...I don't know when she will be back."

It pained me a little to say that, since I didn't know how much longer I could go without her.

"Oh, I thought she is back," Yura piped out, "Because I saw her just now."

"She might be...wait, what?"

"I saw her just now wearing her usual gears, chest protector and all. I thought you know that already, Kaga."

"I didn't know..." I said, somehow feeling even worse, "Why didn't she tell..."

Right on cue, I felt a pair of arms hugging me from behind in a surprising tackle that almost made me lose my balance and fall.

And...damn it, I hate how I can find out who it was just from feeling her... assets on my back.

"Kaga-san! Guess who?" she said, tightening her grasp around my breasts.

"My eyes are up...You...you're supposed to close my eyes for this game!" I exclaimed, catching sight of the three-fingered gloves on her right hand.

"But..." I felt her hot breath at the nape of my neck, "Ryuujou-san told me that..."

"Don't believe everything that goddam runt said!"

I had to stop her before making this show longer for Yura and Abukuma, who were obviously getting increasingly uncomfortable watching her groping me in another of Ryuujou's goofball ideas. Especially because Akagi accidentally rubbed my nipples and I nearly groaned with pleasure.

Yura only shrugged at me like "just play along with her" and I said, "Akagi-san...! I know it's you, okay? Please stop it!"

She released me and her nervous smile was the first thing I saw of her in months.

I didn't exactly understand how, but it melted my heart instantly.

It was also the first time I saw her in her complete armaments and attire, and it was at that moment I realized how similar our outfit was to each other.

_You are built with similar designs after all..._

Before I could compare our smaller accessories, I heard Abukuma's small squeal from beside me.

"A-Akagi-san! Nice to meet you!"

I was amazed at Akagi's collectedness, as if she had handled this a hundred times before.

"Nice to meet you, too. You're Abukuma-san, right?" she said with her million watt smile.

"Y-you know me?" she said, nearly jumping up and down.

"Um...let's see, I think I heard from Kitakami-san that you..."

"Waaah, I don't want to hear about her...!"

I wondered what the heck happened between Kitakami and this girl.

"How do you know about me, Abukuma-san? If you're in the same fleet as Kaga-san, you might have seen her before, but I don't think you ever met me."

"O-of course I have heard of you, Akagi-san. Everyone is always talking about your beauty and expertise! And of course I know that Kaga-san's girlfriend is definitely as skilled as her!"

I choked on my surprise and Akagi's eyebrows rose a notch. Not even Akagi could be prepared for this kind of statement.

"Abukuma-san, she's not my girlfriend!" I corrected her, my face burning all over, "Who did you hear that from? ! Although... there's only one person who could possibly start this thing."

That was when I heard the annoying voice of that certain light carrier.

"Hey, everyone, what's up? Can I joi-"

"_Ryuujou-san_...!"

"...On second thought, I suddenly have an urgent matter to attend to. See ya!"

I ended up chasing her around several blocks of buildings before she completely vanished from sight. Disgruntled, I went back to the harbor where Akagi and the others were and was immediately greeted by a question from Yura.

"Uh...did she escape?"

"Yes, but I will definitely get her next time."

Because I heard her yelling "I thought it would help you out! !" when I accused her of spreading false rumors just now.

Although it is probably useless to pick a fight with that girl because she can give as good as she gets.

"So...you're not Kaga-san's girlfriend. I'm sorry about that, Akagi-san," Abukuma said.

Akagi shook her head and told her, "It's no problem at all. I think it's an honor to be mistaken as Kaga-san's girlfriend! Right, Kaga-san?"

"I don't want a girlfriend, though."

"Aaw, Kaga, that's cold. You have to try harder, Akagi!" Yura commented.

"That's right, I shall try harder so that Kaga-san would consider me her girlfriend material!"

"Girls, please, stop joking."

It was getting harder for me to hide my discomfort, mainly because they were obviously not taking it seriously without knowing what I really felt.

But still, I was glad that I was able to see Akagi again after so long.

And was it just my bias talking, or she looked even more beautiful than before...?

"Akagi-san..." I said, my eyes falling on her gears,"Don't tell me you're..."

"Yes, I am!" she uttered, "Starting from today, I'm coming back into service. They even told me that I could participate in this year's special fleet maneuvers! I was so excited, I put my armaments on and rushed here to show them to you, Kaga-san! Do I look great?"

_Oh, Akagi-san, if only you know that you look fabulous no matter what you wear._

"Yes, they really suit you," I told her, and she responded with a bright smile, "Are you alright...? Did the Navy...?"

"It's okay, I deserve that punishment. I've been as good as gold and I did whatever they asked me to. I'm fine!"

For some reason, "did whatever they asked me to" didn't sound great at all in my ears.

Before I could ask her to elaborate, Abukuma suddenly spoke again.

"W-why don't both of you practice together?" she suggested.

When I heard what she said, I felt like a primal fire was just lit inside my chest.

I wanted it so bad.

I wanted to practice with her so bad.

The talk about the Navy's punishment and what exactly Akagi had gone through with for them could wait.

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Yura piped in, "I know how to get round the admiral. You should do it now while the getting is good. This is a special day after all!"

Akagi looked as eager as I did when she said, "Let's do this, Kaga-san!"

Right at that moment, I wouldn't care even if bad things happened for the rest of the day.

Akagi was here, she was healthier than she could ever be, and her refit had truly gone smoothly after that incident.

"Yes, Akagi-san!" A thrill of excitement rushed through me, putting springs under my feet when I followed her to the sea.

A crowd started to gather because Yura and Abukuma thought this was a rare sight: watching two standard carriers practice at the same time.

Wearing our full outfit, Akagi and I started at the same point near the beach.

Various floating targets were prepared, with the distance between each of them at least as wide as the distance used for battleship target practice, perhaps even wider.

The golden rule of a carrier target practice is maintaining your perfect stance while sailing across the rough waves as fast as you could, calculating the best direction and aiming to reduce aircraft fuel consumption and enable the most efficient attacks on either enemy ships or planes. The faster the targets were destroyed and the heavier their damages were, the better the performance of that carrier and her aircraft.

Akagi didn't move or speak for some time, closing her eyes and breathing in the fresh salty air before exhaling deeply.

All fleet girls great and small were, essentially, true lovers of the sea.

When I was being converted, I found myself missing that floating sensation around my feet, and it was strange being away from it for so long. Some fleet girls had jokingly compared it to an addiction, but it was one of the traits that we all shared, so I understood how she felt.

I wondered, just how similar fleet girls are with each other...?

_Does anyone... _I thought as I took a quick glance at the rows of girls who were watching us from the beach _...also think of Akagi-san the way I do...?_

The breeze carried the fragrant scent that her body gave off to me. It had been some time since I stood this close to her, and it got my heart running.

"Are you okay? It's been awhile since you did this, right...?" I asked her.

"Yup, I'm tired of sitting around. Give me a full-day practice anytime."

"We have quite an audience there. Are you nervous...?"

"No..." she said while slowly opening her eyes, "...Because you're here with me..."

As if she hadn't caught me off guard enough times that day, she gave me a wink and glided ahead of me in unbelievable swiftness before I realized what was happening. I quickly adjusted myself and went after her, followed by the cheers of the onlookers.

"Akagi-san!" I called out to her in frustration, "You so did that on purpose!"

"You have to concentrate more during training, Kaga-san!" she stuck out her tongue.

Damn that girl.

"You have to know, this won't be as easy as our shogi match!" I shouted.

"Oh, that sounds like a challenge!"

She sped up and headed for the nearest target. I had to admit, even after that long refit she didn't seem to lose her touch. Her stance was still as beautiful as ever, and her quick, precise calculations revealed that she still remembered it by reflex. The movements of her arms when she drew her bow was still a little awkward, though, and I wondered what caused that. She would definitely be going great guns in no time, though.

"2nd Carrier Division, Akagi! Launching first attack wave!"

The arrow that she released transformed into several practice planes, and in less than a minute, Akagi's aircraft had destroyed their first target.

She did a little turn and showed me a wide grin. It felt like she was so proud of herself and wanted my approval instead of boasting about her first shot.

Months earlier I would never imagine that this moment would come.

The moment when I could sail on the sea by Akagi's side, excitedly competing in a target pratice with her.

The moment when I could finally see myself as her equal, without having any miserable thoughts about the unfortunate circumstances surrounding our meeting.

The moment when I could see Akagi's sincere smile, right under this blue sky and witnessed by our beloved sea.

"Kaga-san, what are you waiting for?"

As I raised my hand toward my quiver and pulled out an arrow, I realized that a moment like this was the reason that I felt so blessed to be born.

"Can't let you have all the fun, Akagi-san," I gained up ground on her and readied my arrow, keeping a tight grip on the bow, "1st Carrier Division, Kaga. Launching first attack wave!"

* * *

**1933**

**Akagi returned to service as the flagship of the newly formed 2nd Carrier Division.**

**IJN started implementing a new strategy that emphasized on the importance of establishing air superiority in the initial stages of battle with a massed, preemptive aerial attack. For this purpose, IJN carriers began to operate together with the main battle line in fleet exercises, and an extensive reconstruction for the carriers was planned.**


	9. Chapter 8: The Mark of Defiance

**Chapter 8: The Mark of Defiance**

_"Nee-san, Nee-san...! What are you reading...?"_

_"Hey, Kaga. The Admiral gave this to me. It's called a 'novel'."_

_"A 'novel'?"_

_"It's great for learning about human emotions. They derive happiness and comfort from the strangest things."_

_"Like what...?"_

_"It said that humans have a way to cleanse the heart from the misery that is caused by other humans."_

_"Something like that exists?"_

_"Yes. But you can only do it with someone that you really, really love."_

_"It sounds weird."_

_"Well, it seems like a sweet gesture."_

_"Like something that you save for your most important person?"_

_"Exactly. Do you want to know about it, Kaga...?"_

* * *

September arrived, and when the anniversary of the earthquake came, early in the morning I went to Akagi's room with a bag full of snacks. We spent the whole day talking, eating, and playing games. In the afternoon I brought her to the sea to pray, since none of her sisters had graves. We just sat there on the beach until the sun set as I patted her head, and she gave me a teary, grateful smile. I supposed that she was slowly coming to terms with the death of her sisters.

At the end of October, I was called to the naval headquarters. After grappling with the problem for some time, the Navy had finally decided to cut the Gordian knot. They had given the green light for my second reconstruction.

They handed me a notice and gave me an official explanation that I was put on a reserve status to undergo an extensive modernization.

Most of it was gobbledegook to me, but at least I understood that 1) they would convert my triple flight decks into a single, longer one to support heavier, stronger aircrafts, 2) they would give me extra power to enable faster speeds, and 3) they would apply Akagi's downward-facing funnel system to me to reduce heat. They stated that the reconstruction would take about one year, give or take a few months or so. I guessed the whole process was more complicated than that, but that was all I noted from their explanation. By the time they got on to more technical matters, it was all Greek to me. I had a good grounding in my shooting skills, but yeah... I never really scored high on that theoretical knowledge thing.

Because I was put under reserve, I had much more free time than usual. My position in the 1st Carrier Division was replaced by Ryuujou and Houshou, with Ryuujou as the flagship. This news went over well with both of them.

After going back to her training routines, Akagi usually spared some time to see me after that day's fleet exercise was over. I already told her that she didn't have to visit me so often just because I did that when she was being refitted, but she only said, "You have to learn to give and take, Kaga-san" while handing me a fresh portion of whatever she was eating at that time.

What exactly this relationship that we had was, I never tried asking her.

Over the months we grew closer than ever, and although other fleet girls visited me sometimes, Akagi remained the only one that I was the most comfortable with. I didn't really understand how she did that, either. She didn't really share much about herself, but she was honest about pretty much everything else. She was often curious about me, but she never pushed me to give her answers. There was just something in the way she cared about me: never too much, but never too little.

After Akagi found out that I hardly went out of my room, she dragged me outside and introduced me to various fleet girls and activities, although I was just going along with whatever she wanted to make her stop griping about it.

They ranged from something simple like getting together for a drink, to outrageous ones like when she introduced me to a certain land transportation...

"...To be honest... I didn't expect the key would go in that easily. I thought they would put more security measure on this thing."

"Akagi-san...are you sure this is allowed...? Houshou-san's told us not to go getting ourselves into trouble."

"Very sure! Tenryuu-san's taught me how to do this. Now put your feet over there, and step on the gas, Kaga-san."

"I'm pretty sure this is not allowed..."

"There's nobody else down the road. This vehicle is public property of the base. Every member of the Navy is allowed to use it. It'll be fine."

"Every _authorized_ member of the Navy. I don't know how to drive this thing!"

"Well, you have to start somewhere. I mean, none of us could even sail smoothly on our first try."

"That's different! We're meant to move efficiently on _water_, not on land."

"Come on, Kaga-san. Don't you want to see it move? I never see it move even once. I wonder why."

We found out why the hard way.

Somebody must have forgotten to put a sign that the old grimy jeep was out of order, because after I did as what Akagi asked me to, we realized the thing didn't have a working break pedal.

Why the jeep still had enough petrol in it to carry us down the whole road, we never knew.

After we let out what probably were the loudest screams in our life, the vehicle zoomed toward a building in the corner where...

We saw a long-haired girl leisurely walking by while reading a book.

And this was going to turn into a scene of a grisly crime if we didn't do something.

"There's a _person_!"

"I thought you said the road's empty!"

"It _was_ empty!"

"Why did she keep walking to us? ! Didn't she hear us coming?"

"Hey! Look out! Stop reading! Get out of the way!"

"_The steer_!"

In a last minute stunt that I never imagined, we managed to turn the steer wildly, causing the jeep to change direction in a blinding, nausea-inducing spin before we crashed into a tree at the side of the road.

I hit my head against the front window because of the impact, getting a small pulsing lump as a result. Smoke was coming out of the front of the jeep. I was glad they didn't put some sort of alarm on this thing, or maybe it was broken too. Akagi was just picking herself up from the dashboard when I yelled, "_The girl_! Did we run into the girl? !"

She gave a sudden jerk of her head and hurriedly open the door, which was luckily still working.

Behind the jeep, the girl was lying on the road with her eyes closed.

I panicked. I was pretty sure she was a fleet girl, and this kind of impact shouldn't be able to kill her outright.

I kneeled down beside her and tried to wake her up, but it didn't work.

"She's fainted, but she's breathing..." I commented, checking her body for injuries.

"She's sleeping," Akagi concluded.

And I realized she was right, the girl with long black hair was breathing rhythmically in a relaxed manner that could only be associated with sleeping.

"Good grief! How could she sleep after almost being hit by a car? !"

"She might be tired...?"

Then to my horror, we suddenly heard the sound of approaching footsteps and the voice of a male stranger from across the road.

Worst timing ever.

"So they said...the old jeep will have to go."

"Don't you think they get more smug lately? And they still won't tell us where all that money goes!"

"I wish they would just let me fix... _Whoa, what the fuck_!"

Hoping with all my might that the jeep was big enough to hide us from view, I quickly carried the girl and slipped away before they could get a good look at us. Akagi followed suit, keeping her footsteps as quiet as possible as we fled from the scene of our crime.

I didn't really know what I was doing.

"Kaga-san, why are we running away?"

"Because if the Navy find out about this, they'll punish us for sure!"

"Won't it be worse when they find out we're running away?"

"So don't get caught!"

We ran as far away as we could and only stopped when we were completely out of breath. None of the guys went after us, so they probably didn't spot us there. My arms were sore from carrying the sleeping girl around. Akagi seemed to notice that, because she kept staring at me and asked, "How long do you plan to carry her around?"

I raised an eyebrow. Why did she sound angry...? Or was it just me...?

Before I could respond, a voice suddenly cried out to us.

"Hatsuyuki-chan...!"

My instinct when I saw two girls in short-sleeved blue and white sailor uniform running to us was to dash as fast as I could to the opposite direction.

But they sounded more worried than suspicious, and Akagi seemed to know one of them because she called, "Fubuki-san?"

"A-Akagi-san!" The girl with the low short ponytail hurriedly gave us a tiny bow.

The other girl, whose brown hair was tied into pigtails, looked much calmer than her companion. "Nice to meet you, Akagi-san, Kaga-san. I'm Shirayuki, 2nd ship of the Fubuki-class destroyers, of the 11th Destroyer Division."

When she heard that, Fubuki quickly gave us a nervous salute. "I-I'm Fubuki, 1st ship of the Fubuki-class destroyers, also of the 11th Destroyer Division!"

"I'm Akagi, 1st ship of the Akagi-class aircraft carrier, of the 2nd Carrier Division."

"Kaga, 1st ship of the Kaga-class aircraft carrier, of the 1st Carrier Division," I introduced myself, as the pain in my arms were getting worse, "And who is this girl I'm carrying...?"

"Ah, sorry! She's our flagship."

"_This_ is your flagship?"

"Kaga-san, that's rude."

But seriously. She didn't look like she could pack a punch, or even make the grade to become a flagship.

"I'm sorry. Hatsuyuki sleeps a lot, but she's great when she's serious," Shirayuki explained.

Huh, it went against the grain to make someone like her a flagship. I supposed she was pretty talented.

"Akagi-san, Kaga-san, thank you so much for finding Hatsuyuki-chan!" Fubuki piped out.

"Not a problem," Akagi replied with a smile, which made Fubuki blush bright red.

"Um...you're hurt," Fubuki pointed out.

"Oh, it was just from practice," Akagi lied, "We'll be fine. Just take Hatsuyuki-san back to her room, okay...?"

After Fubuki and Shirayuki left with Hatsuyuki, who slept through the whole thing, Akagi and I scurried to my empty room before anyone else could question us about our injuries. Once we were safe inside, I locked the room and said, "Akagi-san, they wouldn't be this grateful if they knew we almost killed her when we found her."

Akagi just laughed as she leaned her back against the door. "That was fun. I can't imagine those old men's faces when they find out," she grinned, wiping some sweat from her forehead.

"We nearly lost our necks..." I stared at her in disbelief, "How can you laugh about this? Let me see your wounds."

"They're just bruises and scratches. I'm fine."

I ignored her and grabbed hold of her hands, examining them closely.

"Are you sure? No broken bones anywhere?" I tried flexing her wrist and she gave me an amused look.

"Kaga-san, you're so caring and kind."

The more I spent time around Akagi, the harder it was to hide my blush when she said something like this.

"It's just basic decency..." I retaliated, "Because I don't know why you're getting more careless lately."

"It's okay. I just don't care about what the Navy think of me anymore."

Right. I noticed that there was something off about Akagi after her refit. She seemed ...bolder, and more rebellious. She rarely went out to the docks anymore, and chose to shower in private instead. She never told me the reason to that. I guessed now it was time to talk.

"Akagi-san..." I started, "What happened...?"

"What do you mean, 'what happened'?" Akagi asked, sitting on my bed and taking off her chest protector.

"You've been acting strange..."

"Whatever you're talking about...?" she shrugged nonchalantly.

I thought she was just not used to going back to routine fleet exercises, so I suggested, "Are you okay? You look sick. Maybe a day off would do you a power of good."

"I'm fine."

"Akagi-san..." I said again in a warning tone.

"I don't understand you, Kaga-san."

So stubborn.

As I was thinking about ways to get a confession out of her, she bent down to take off her dirty stockings and I noticed the small gap that her loose cloth made on her chest. Where I expected to see smooth skin or a cleavage, I saw neither of those.

What I saw instead was the tip of a clear jagged line.

I grabbed at her wrist and she let out a tiny gasp.

Ignoring her protests, I put my other hand on her shoulder and looked at her straight in the eye. "Akagi-san... Take off your clothes."

I thought I saw a pink tinge on her cheeks when she exclaimed, "What...? !"

"You're hiding something from me."

"What's with you, Kaga-san? !"

"Take them off. Now."

"You can't force me to do that! Stop it!"

She tried to push me away from her, but I was stronger than her and while grappling with her I seized her gi and forcefully pulled it down to her arms.

It was beyond anything that I expected.

Akagi's chest was now marred by a broad scar, long enough to run the length of her skin from her left collarbone down to the spot just above her right breast. It had a purplish shade of color except for its rough edges, which were pale, unsightly, and resembled flesh. It was like looking directly at a monstrous, insect-like creature that lived directly above her heart.

I didn't know what kind of expression I was wearing on my face.

That gruesome appearance and the thickness of the tissue revealed hints on just how terrible the wound that gave her that scar was.

Out of the blue I was engulfed by an emotion so strong that I wasn't capable to think.

All I wanted was to find out whoever did this to her and shoot them to oblivion, gouge their eyes out, put them under a torture deserving of Akagi's disfigurement...

"...Kaga...san..."

It was when I realized that I was far too focused on the scar that I didn't notice she was crying.

I weakly let go of her and she covered her chest with her gi, looking more dejected than ever.

The flaming fury in my mind was slowly dissipated by guilt.

"I'm sorry... I..." I mumbled.

"I didn't want you to know..." she sniffed.

"They gave you that, didn't they...?" I tried asking, referring to the higher-ups of the Navy, "There's no way they just made you a gofer like you said..."

"One of them lost their temper that day, when they were gotten together to decide my punishment after you left..." she confessed, "The mechanics told them I would need further repairs and that would cost quite a fortune for the Navy. And then... and then..."

She shut her eyes and shook her head, as if she was refusing to remember.

"They ordered the mechanics to teach me a lesson. Something that would always remind me of my disobedience, something that would remind everyone of my noncompliance when I fail, something that would always stay and visibly humiliate me, without affecting my performance in battle," she continued, "...So the mechanics just stripped off my clothes and carved this on me in front of them."

She was shaking from head to toe, sobbing uncontrollably.

It was painful.

It was painful when the person you cared about was hurt and there was nothing that you could do but be the shoulder for her to cry on.

I would give anything to stand in that room, right then and there, to offer my body in place of hers.

Akagi would probably never accept that huge scar with good grace...but even so... I still think that she...

"You're perfect."

The words slipped out of my mouth and Akagi's weepy eyes met mine in plain confusion.

"They did this to me because..."

"I know. I know why. And they made this a part of you. You're still you," I held her face in my palms, "This would sound cruel...and selfish... and I'm okay if you're mad at me for this but... I was so afraid that they... would brainwash you or... change your personality or... make you forget all about us... about me. What they did was unforgivable and you're understandably angry but... I'm glad that... with that scar... you don't change, you don't lose your memories, you're perfect... because you're still the Akagi-san that I know and love..."

I shouldn't be saying this to her. I made it all about me instead of her. Other girls would've slapped me in an instant.

But Akagi seemed to be so concerned with her scar that she didn't believe that I could accept her fully. She just slumped on the bed, tormented by memories as her eyes filled with agony.

Humans had wounded her to the point that she didn't trust anyone anymore.

_Tosa-nee-san..._

_We're still just as naive as we were when you were still alive..._

_Thinking that we're God's gift to humanity..._

_Such foolishness..._

Akagi clenched my hand tightly on her lap, as if she was trying to hold on to the something that could keep her together, something that could save her from utterly collapsing into nothingness. A drop of her tear trickled down from her chin to the back of my hand and it felt like a stab on my skin.

_Akagi-san...Akagi-san...Please don't cry..._

_I wish I could just..._

_Take all that pain away..._

_Provide you with anything you wish for..._

_Protect you with everything that I have..._

_...But I am not even strong enough to stop those tears from falling..._

I didn't understand what came over me, but...I took a deep breath and said to her, "Akagi-san... Did you know that humans have a way to cleanse the heart from the misery that is caused by other humans...?"

The beads of water that sparkled on her eyelashes showed such beauty that contrasted the cruel treatment that caused them to appear.

I wanted to relieve her of everything...the memories...the torment...the scar... But all I could do was just this outrageous idea I had that might or might not help alleviate her suffering...

I carefully drew closer, lessening the distance between our faces. When our noses almost brushed against each other, I saw her eyes widening slowly, as if her mind was in the middle of registering what I attempted to do. I prepared myself to step back once she showed any sign of resistance, but she didn't. I treated her like the most delicate being in existence, patiently waiting for her to let me, accept me as I daringly crossed the boundaries that we had unconsciously set up between us. She didn't break eye contact with me, neither did she pull away. But instead, her lids began to cover my reflection on her pupils... and that sealed it.

The first touch of our lips was lighter than a feather.

It seemed surreal, more accidental and spontaneous than anything... but as soon as I tasted her soft, sweet flavor, my life was altered forever.

I knew I was going to regret this later. It made me grateful that realization dawned on me before I could go any further than a peck on her lips, because this kiss would haunt me for the rest of my days.

_What was I thinking...?_

_I kissed her..._

_I kissed Akagi-san..._

Akagi's reaction was blank and unreadable. Just as I thought that I was making it worse, she opened her mouth and muttered a few words that made my heart soar to the skies.

"Kaga-san... I think it's working..." she whispered to my ear, "...Can we please do it again...?"

In the grey half-light of the room, I was captivated by her beauty when she proceeded to entwine her fingers behind the nape of my neck.

I was far too comfortable in this grip of lust.

There was no way that I could refuse her request.

* * *

**October 1933**

**Being perceived as inferior to Akagi due to her slower speed, smaller flight deck, and problematic funnel arrangement, Kaga was prioritized for a modernization and was lowered to reserve status to start her second major reconstruction. ****Aside from giving her replaced gears and funnel, extra power and displacement, new turrets and anti-aircraft guns, this reconstruction would convert her triple flight decks to an extended single deck, which would raise her aircraft capacity to 90.**


	10. Chapter 9: Incognizant

**Chapter 9: Incognizant**

A few days after Akagi and I shared our first kiss, I heard through the grapevine that an official announcement had come out to put Akagi on reserve next year, preparing her to undergo an extensive modernization like me. The project for her reconstruction was ready to get off the ground.

If you think that I took this news with great joy, you couldn't be more wrong.

Akagi being put on reserve meant that she would have more free time to visit me, and that couldn't be good.

After that kiss, things had been slightly awkward between us, and I grew away from her.

I didn't understand why I felt this way. It shouldn't mean anything.

But here I am, hanging around in the town bakery with Ryuujou to buy some bread while it was going cheap, just so I could grasp a chance to talk to her without being interrupted by a fleet girl. Ever since I was put out of service, Ryuujou and Houshou were temporarily placed in the 1st Carrier Division, with Ryuujou as the flagship. She got rather busy with training after that, so it was a bit hard to have a private time with her. Moreover, I didn't know how to bring up my problem with her when all she talked about was the birth of our third standard carrier, Souryuu.

"So I'm just thinking that we should get up a party for her birthday."

"Well, I'm just thinking that you're getting way too fired up for this."

"Oh come on, you should be more excited about this! After all, she's going to be our first purpose built standard carrier, and they plan to make her the fastest carrier in the world!"

"I'm happy that more fleet carriers are joining us, really, but..."

"You should be more grateful that you have us other aircraft carriers! Like me, for example, the (temporary) flagship of the 1st Carrier Division! You shouldn't take it for granted that I'll always be around."

"...Has anybody told you that you're suffering from delusions of grandeur?"

"Or maybe you're looking for a girlfriend! She's totally up for grabs. She's not bad either, if you grade girlfriends according to the size of their..."

"Ssh! You're too loud!"

"Oops, sorry."

"You know what? You're grating on my nerves. And if you're that loud, these people might find out we're fleet girls. Lower your voice."

"I forgot. Because you're _sooo_ into Akagi, of course you're not interested in other girls."

I looked around us nervously. The bakery was too crowded to discuss a sensitive topic like this. I whispered to Ryuujou, "I need to talk. Can we go somewhere after this?"

She blinked a few times, but I knew her curiosity wouldn't let her refuse. "Alright, but you know my help wouldn't be given gratis."

So we ended up in an old coffee shop next to the bakery. There were only a few people there, most of them with graying hair. The shop was quiet and peaceful, decorated with flowers and greenery here and there. It was the perfect place to talk, if Ryuujou could keep her voice down. Ryuujou bought a cup of black coffee for herself, but my throat was too dry to drink. After all, this would be the first time I admitted what happened to anyone else.

"Can I start now...?"

"Yeah sure, go ahead," Ryuujou answered, calmly taking a sip from her cup.

I decided to get straight to the point.

"I kissed Akagi-san."

It was a miracle she didn't vomit on the spot because that caused her to choke so dramatically that some people were starting to look at us funny.

"You did _what_! ?" she blurted out, coffee staining her whole chin.

"Ew, gross, wipe your mouth."

"Holy cow! What the hell? When did this happen? Did I miss something? Or did you skip some steps and directly jump to kissing? Or did something else happen and I never heard of it? What the heck is going on? ?" she threw up her hands in frustration.

"Well, you were busy being the flagship of the 1st Carrier Division so..."

"It's not like I never train with the 2nd Carrier Division, ya know! And that damn girlfriend of yours never shows anything on her face!"

"It probably doesn't mean anything to her."

Ryuujou stared at me in silence for a while, dabbing her chin with a napkin. "So...? You're not having me on, are you? Why do you want to talk about this with me?"

"I'm aware that you're horrible at keeping secrets, but I don't know who else I can talk to," I told her honestly, "Ever since then I couldn't look at her straight in the eye. I felt dirty, because somehow, I couldn't think of the kiss as just...a kiss."

"Just...?"

"It happened in the heat of the moment, okay? I just figured it could help with her emotional healing, because words didn't seem to have any effect on her. But then I'm starting to have these weird thoughts... and I can't stop thinking about the kiss... It's driving me crazy."

"_Oookay_," Ryuujou drawled, "What kind of thoughts?"

"I just feel..." I paused, not really knowing how to explain, "...like I'm lacking something. Like I want more. Like I'm...I'm greedy for more. I can't just take it as...a kind gesture or an offer of help like I originally intended. I don't know what's going on in my head..."

"...Geez, you know what a kiss on the lips can mean to humans, right?"

"It can have romantic implications, yes, yes, I _know_. But it's not what I..."

"But you can't help but take it that way. While Akagi probably doesn't and is wondering why you're avoiding her again. You dumb lovebirds never cease to amaze me."

"Just shut up and help me out, okay?" I sighed, burying my face in my hands.

"We can start from getting rid of your denial that you're having a huge crush on Akagi," Ryuujou said matter-of-factly, "Because honestly? You sound like you're utterly, utterly lovesick."

I gazed at her, then at the ceiling, then at my hands on the table.

I exhaled in defeat and admitted, "Yes, I have a huge crush on Akagi-san."

Ryuujou went on with skipping a beat. "Alright. Next step, go see Akagi and talk."

"Easy for you to say!"

"It'll be better if you just confess, but you're so lame I can't imagine you do it anytime soon."

"Why would I confess?" I asked, "This.. non-platonic relationship between fleet girls goes against all logic and it's just one of those pleasures they can have to temporarily boost morale, like parties and eating sweets. And even that can only happen if the so-called relationship is successful. The risk of it failing and destroying a fleet girl's performance in battle is simply too high. And don't get me started on how the Navy's treating it. It's pretty much still a gray area."

Ryuujou didn't speak for a long while.

"You know what? You're starting to speak like the Navy," she remarked, "When talking about the emotional needs of the fleet girls, it's always about morale this, and morale that. The purpose of the grievance procedure? Morale. Allowing us to meet our sister ships during construction? Morale. Building graves for fallen fleet girls? Morale. They don't do those things to honor us or anything, it's all about war and morale."

"Well, what do you expect? You want them to treat us like humans? To stop grinding us down? To give us health and safety regulations? They have no obligation to do any of those. The only reason they don't make us go through typical military drills and rules is because they merely think of us as weapons. All they're required to do is treat us well enough for us to _function_. You're already on dangerous grounds by criticizing them. We might not go along with their views, but there's nothing we can do about that. Their wars are all grist for our mills, they are the whole purpose we exist!"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because we're more similar to humans than you think," she said calmly, "Like how they're so afraid of things that they cannot understand. Just like you right now."

I glared at her with so much animosity that I couldn't come up with a proper reply.

She didn't look afraid as she continued drinking from her cup. We just sat there in complete silence for a few minutes before I emitted a deep breath in defeat, "...Alright...whatever...you win. I'm going to see Akagi-san."

"And do what?"

"No way in hell am I going to confess," I said to her, "I'll just...talk. And take a grip on myself."

"And that would solve your problem how?"

"Okay, okay, I do have a huge crush on her," I conceded, "But I have to respect her wishes, too. If there is a right place and time..."

"Sounds to me like you're running away."

"I'm not. I'm going to face this when the time is right," I told her, "She still has a lot of things going on in her head... This would just give her more burden to think about..."

Ryuujou regarded me carefully, as if she was trying to look for signs that I was lying.

However, it was not hard to hide my emotions from her.

It would take forever for Ryuujou to completely see through me, just like how it was for everyone else.

Except when it involved that single standard carrier... whom I could never seem to escape from.

Suddenly asking to meet her after being awkward with her all this time would definitely seem strange, so I tried arranging something for us beforehand.

Ryuujou's ridiculous plan for a grandiose dinner date didn't go down well with me, so I prompted for something simpler instead. I asked Akagi to accompany me watch a military parade downtown, and made a reservation at small two-floor restaurant where we could have a grandstand view of the parade. Sure, technically this meant I asked her out on a date, but come on... Akagi didn't see me in that way. I could disguise it as, uh...a friend's outing, maybe, but with just the two of us. Because there was no way I could convince my own brain that this was not a date.

I tried asking her if the day was good for her and she said yes.

So here I was, about two hours too early, waiting for her outside the dorms while shuffling my feet every few seconds. And that was after three hours of trying to pick out civilian clothes to wear and giving up because I could never seem to make the colors go together. It was dumb, I know, because Akagi was still away for her training at the moment.

_Not a date... not a date... This is not a date... Stop being so nervous already..._ I quietly reminded my mind.

My stomach was churning and my legs were threatening to run back to my room, but I couldn't go back on my word. I wished that my head would just stop imagining unplanned scenarios that would never ever happen. But at least it would be awhile until Akagi got back so I still had time to sort out my-

"...ah, Kaga-san! You're early."

...Crap...she was home much earlier than expected.

She was still covered in sweat and was wiping some of them from her face with a towel. It seemed like she rushed back as soon as the training was finished.

And why the heck did she always have to look way too gorgeous for her own good...?

It was grossly unfair.

"Um..." I groped around for words to say, "I...I was just bored waiting in my room so...um.. H-how's practice?"

"It went well. We were praised by the admiral."

"Oh...good for you."

Akagi directed her gaze to the ground as she scratched her head. "I look like a mess..." she spoke with a very soft voice.

Oh, I absolutely could not agree to that.

"What are you talking about? You look fine."

"Fine" was actually an understatement. She didn't have to be perfectly groomed to look so damn attractive. I didn't know how all that sweat and wet hair just made her even more desirable, but it did.

"Really?" she gave me a shy smile, still looking unsure of herself.

The threatening heat in my chest was rising in a dangerously rapid pace.

_God help me before she completely burns all my defenses to the ground._

Help actually came in the strangest way.

All of a sudden, I heard some loud footsteps and the next thing I knew, a girl called my name with an enthusiasm that could only possibly be rivaled by Ryuujou.

"_Kaga-san_...! !"

Without warning, I was tackled with a crushing hug that almost made me lose my balance and fall. My vision was immediately obscured by wavy dark gray hair, and this person was squeezing my chest so tightly that I could not breath.

"Kaga-san...! ! Long time no see!"

"...Ha...Haruna-san...?" I gasped out, while my sides were aching painfully.

"Yes...! Haruna's been looking for you, Kaga-san...!" said the voice around my neck.

"H-Haruna-san," I said, struggling with her body weight, "I can't..."

"Haruna... You're choking her."

The new voice came from Haruna's sister, my former fleet mate Kirishima. Her sharp eyes observed us closely with suspicion.

Feeling more embarrassed than ever, I threw a sideways glance at Akagi and realized that Kirishima wasn't the only one who was staring.

I didn't really know why, but I started to panic. Being stared at by Akagi while Haruna was hugging me so firmly that our chests were pressing against each other was one of the most uncomfortable things that I ever experienced.

However, once again I was saved by the most unlikely person.

"_Hey_...! Kaga...! Akagi...!"

This booming voice could only belong to one person, Haruna and Kirishima's eldest sister Kongou.

"How are you doing, Miss Aircraft Carrier? Flying any planes lately?"

"She can't do that! She's undergoing a reconstruction at the moment. Right, Kaga-san?" Haruna said cheerfully at me.

"Um...I..."

"Haruna, you should let her go. She can't speak to me if you're squeezing her like that!"

She did what Kongou said and I was finally free from her grasp. I adjusted my breathing and my eyes once again flew to Akagi. She was not looking at me anymore.

Once Haruna had released me, I could finally see all the newcomers properly. They were all wearing coats and civilian clothes, clearly on their way for a fun time in the city. There was one short-haired brunette that I never met before, and I assumed it was the other Kongou-class ship that the others sometimes mentioned.

"So you're Kaga-san! Wow, I've heard so much about you. Nice to meet you! I'm Hiei."

Her unconventional way of introducing herself made me raise an eyebrow.

"Hiei-onee-sama's not serving in the military right now. These days she mainly does work for the Emperor," Kirishima explained, "And she won't stop moaning and groaning about it."

"But I want to sortie with you guys too!" Hiei whined.

"Relax, you've just been refitted. Those treaties mean nothing now, so you'll get back to battle someday, God willing."

"That might take forever since they planned to reconstruct us all. Like Haruna! I want to be a fast battleship like Haruna!"

"Fast battleship?" I said with a questioning look, and Haruna's smile grew wider.

"Yes, Haruna's just been reconstructed into a fast battleship!" she replied, "It's a part of our preparation to become proper escorts of aircraft carriers. Haruna can't wait to sortie with you, Kaga-san...!"

"How nice..." I said, remembering Ryuujou mentioning that there was a rumor going around about these "fast battleship escorts", "Um...so why are you guys here?"

"Oh, we're just passing by. It's been awhile since the four of us hung out together, so we planned to eat out and watch that parade downtown."

"What a coincidence. Actually, Akagi and I are going to watch that parade too."

Haruna seemed excited to hear that. "That's wonderful! Hey, what about we all go out together? It'll be fun! The more the merrier, right?"

I had mixed feelings about this, but they looked so hopeful that I felt bad to refuse.

I opened my mouth to agree with them when I felt a tug on my arm.

Nothing could prepare me for what happened next though.

In spite of Haruna's hug just now, this completely took the cake for the most shocking thing to happen to me that day.

Akagi circled her arm around mine and clung to me while flashing one of the brightest smiles that I had seen at the Kongou sisters.

"I'm sorry...but we've already made plans to go out today, just the two of us," she told them, "We cannot go with you right now, so what if we just meet up after the parade...?"

It took me several seconds to digest that sentence.

All the Kongou sisters had a surprised expression at first, but the look on Kirishima's face gradually changed into realization.

She intentionally looked directly at my eyes, as if demanding an explanation.

"Well, yes, if you want to?" Hiei answered, looking just as confused as her elder sister.

"That's settled then," Akagi chirped, tightening her grip around my arm, "Let's go, Kaga-san."

"Huh? Yeah- _whoa_...!"

Before I could say goodbye to them, Akagi had yanked me into the dorms by the hand, leaving the four perplexed sisters behind.

She was walking so fast that I had a hard time keeping up with her, and there was nothing but silence between us as we were going over to her room.

Anyone could've told that something was amiss, and that bewildered me.

"Akagi-san...?" I tried to start a conversation as she was opening the lock on her door, "I can just wait outsi-"

"I never knew that you get along with Haruna-san..." she interrupted without looking at me.

"Um," I muttered, not really knowing what to say to that, "We were roommates once."

"You never told me."

There was something in her tone that shut me up for a moment.

She continued to struggle with her key for several seconds before I stupidly spoke again.

"Akagi-san..." I said to her, "Are you..."

"I'm not angry."

"But that's not what I want to say."

"And I'm not jealous."

"That's not what I want to say, either."

She shot me a glare before pushing the door open and slammed it shut on my face.

What the heck was her problem...?

Did I just accidentally make everything worse?

I groaned and leaned my head against the wall.

Everything was going smoothly for a moment there and I thought this dinner would do some good, but now the situation was worse than anything that had gone before.

Did my conversation with the Kongou sisters have a hand in this somehow...?

I must have done something wrong.


	11. Chapter 10: A Thousand Pieces

**Chapter 10: A Thousand Pieces**

After that short bout of obvious anger, within the next half hour Akagi was unexpectedly back to her happy self.

We rekindled our friendship and I caught up with her days, that usual stuff.

I wasn't a talkative person and she looked like she was having a great time, so I didn't have the courage to ask about what happened in front of the Kongou sisters.

Even so, after we got home, I mulled over it and could only arrive at one conclusion of her sudden hostility.

"Don't go round becoming too close to girls other than me."

Well, I was happy she at least thought I was such an irreplaceable friend that she acted that way.

The twin-tailed girl called Souryuu in front of me didn't seem to agree.

"And that's where you're wrong, Kaga-san."

Let's backtrack a little.

As the first ship in her class, Souryuu was allowed to meet a fleet girl of her kind because she didn't have a sister ship.

Someone else could've given her a guided tour around the carrier base and that was it, but since I had a lot of free time, the Navy made me promise to hang out with her for a bit. When the day arrived, I had completely forgotten about it, but I couldn't go back on my promise. The fleet carrier, who was wearing a green dougi and skirt, looked like a nervous wreck when she saw me for the first time. I didn't have any idea about what to do with her, but I remembered how Ryuujou would ask me questions all the time to keep the conversation going, so I tried to push Souryuu to do the same. It worked somehow, she started asking about how a carrier battle went and before long we were sitting in my room, chatting about whatever that came up in our minds.

Since she was mainly curious about the other standard carriers, obviously I had to talk about Akagi and myself. Then her questions got even deeper, like the relationship between us two, and I casually told her while pretending that everything was okay. I kept that part about the kiss and my feelings a secret though; it was still hard to talk it out like it was nothing. But this newly born carrier was apparently more knowledgable about relationships than me.

"Let me guess...you read a lot of those books humans call 'novels'," I said to her.

"No, but I read manga."

For some reason I felt that those were even worse than novels.

"So from her reaction, there's a good chance she actually likes you, Kaga-san."

"Yeah, she probably likes me, as a friend," I blurted, my face changing into a reddish hue.

"No, no, that's not what I mean."

"What else can it mean?"

"She likes you romantically."

"She's just jealous seeing me with a new friend."

"Have you ever asked her that?"

"No."

"Then how can you be so sure?"

"Listen, this conversation is going nowhere," I said wearily, pinching the bridge of my nose, "Just forget it. I'm not going to burden her with this nonsense."

"Burden her?"

"Have you heard that she's been going at her work like her life depends on it?"

"Um, yeah."

"She has no time for love or relationships."

"I still think you should ask her. She might need that."

I snorted. Souryuu is such an innocent girl. But maybe that is why I could open up quite easily with her.

"I can't force Akagi-san to just tell me everything she feels, it doesn't work that way with her," I explained, "I'm going to wait until she's comfortable to do it."

"I'm not sure if that's a good rule to go by. I think that's the beginning of, like, half of all needless romantic dramas."

I stared at her with my mouth open for a few seconds. "Our relationship is not romantic."

"But what if she wants it to be romantic, Kaga-san?"

"I wouldn't know that if she refuses to tell me," I said, folding my arms, "And I will never force her to do that. End of discussion."

"You sure have a strange bond with her."

"Wait until you get that partner they planned to give you in the Supplementation Program."

"Yeah, about that..." she muttered, her face falling.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm still not sure..." she fiddled with her fingers, "...I'm not sure if I can get along with her...what if she hates me...?"

Watching her tense expression reminded me of a certain young carrier, anxiously fixing her appearance in front of the mirror when she was about to meet the other standard carrier for the first time. It went much worse than she expected, and it destroyed her fragile heart. However, little by little, everything changed. They tried to become friends, deepened their relationship and helped each other in ways they never imagined.

Then things got weird between them...and they shared a kiss.

There was no going back now.

I must seem to be so deep in thought because Souryuu turned silent all of a sudden, as if waiting for me to respond.

"...Even if she does, you don't need to worry," I assured her with a calm voice, "You can't expect everyone to get along with you right away. But everything will turn out okay if you make the effort to get to know them better. Trust me."

She looked up at me and gave me a little smile.

"I'll try to get along with her."

"That's a good girl," I said, giving her a pat on the head.

"Despite what everyone says, Kaga-san, you're actually a kind and caring person, aren't you?"

"...I don't think I want to know what they're saying about me."

"Well, it's more like you look scary and a bit hard to approach. Maybe they just need to know you better," she explained, "Your reconstruction is almost finished, isn't it? When you go back to service, maybe you should talk more with everyone."

"I don't just go and talk with anyone unless necessary."

"Including with Akagi-san?"

I held my breath.

Souryuu was eyeing me curiously, and I knew she said that to test me, trying to find out how much I really cared.

I could just lie, couldn't I...?

I could just lie and Souryuu would stop having these assumptions about me.

I could just lie and nobody would need to know about these emotions that I tried so hard to forget.

But the depth of my feelings for her had definitely gone beyond all expectations.

"...No..." I finally sighed, "...She's an exception."

I wish I could just lie to myself that Akagi didn't mean anything to me.

* * *

The weeks went slowly by and I still couldn't talk much with Akagi.

I realized that I had this God-given talent of pretending that I was okay with that, so while everyone thought nothing was wrong with me, my insides were in shambles.

This was different from not being able to see her during her refit or during a war.

If this continued, then my relationship with Akagi was as good as finished.

I forced myself to do anything I could to get through the day, while Akagi's visits kept getting rarer and shorter.

Other fleet girl sometimes came and brought me stuff, but although Abukuma pointed out that I had been neglecting my personal grooming a little, nobody seemed to notice this problem that I had been having.

I went through my days like blank pages on a book, until I was good and ready to return to service.

With a single flight deck and a brand new set of planes, I was put in the 2nd Carrier Division.

Akagi was the first to congratulate me, and her smile pierced my heart unlike any other.

Even so, she seemed concerned when she looked at my new design.

"It's great that you have a single flight deck now, really, but..."

"But...?"

"I don't know... Your armor looks so thin... I'm not sure if it can protect you enough..."

"You mean like when I'm on fire...?"

"Especially when you're on fire."

Since it was her turn to undergo the extensive modernization, we were back to where we started, with me replacing her flagship position again.

Maybe I should really talk it out with her, but after that failed first attempt, I didn't really have the guts to do it.

It wasn't like Ryuujou would let me off that easily, but she had probably given up when she told me, "We're not going over the same ground, I don't want to be the middleman between you and Akagi" and then never brought it up anymore. She was probably too absorbed in her training for the 4th Fleet war game maneuvers, and I didn't really care. She certainly enjoyed this 1st Carrier Division flagship status.

Things continued as usual until the news of a horrible disaster suddenly struck the whole base like lightning.

During the Combined Fleet game maneuvers, the 4th Fleet were caught up in a large typhoon that wrecked the carriers, cruisers, and over a dozen destroyers.

An emergency call was ensued near dawn, and the bases erupted into a state of panic.

Heavily damaged fleet girls were hauled to the docks, and there were so many of them that multiple bases had to be used.

Both Houshou and Ryuujou were badly injured, so the Admiral called Akagi and I to help out with detailed accounts, documentation and damage reports. We spent hours around the docks, gathering information from the fleet girls who participated in the maneuver. Everything we got in the middle of that chaos went down in our notebooks.

"...Houshou, Ryuujou, Myoukou, Mogami, Mikuma. Anyone I missed?"

"Kaga-san, how many destroyers were damaged?"

"Thirteen from my last count. Hatsuyuki, Shirayuki, Murakumo, Mutsuki, Oboro, Akebono..."

"Nobody sank?"

"Hopefully. No reports of sunk ships yet."

"What about the ones that got lost in the typhoon?"

"There're still a good few fleet girls they haven't found."

"Akagi-san! Kaga-san! I saw another group arriving with a damaged ship!"

"We'll be there in half a minute! Please tell them to assess the damages!"

We kept working like this until late at night. By the time I could visit my friends properly in the docks, the sun was almost rising. Houshou and Ryuujou were still in the carrier docks when Akagi and I went in, although Ryuujou was fast asleep and Houshou was apparently watching her as she was docking herself, so that Ryuujou didn't accidentally drown.

"Houshou-san! !"

Houshou looked up to me and smiled as I kneeled down in front of her docking space. "Houshou-san, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. It was just an accident."

"I don't exactly call an 80 km/hour storm as 'just an accident'," said another voice from the dock space behind her.

It was a girl with black, short hair that I didn't recognize. She spoke in a rather carefree tone, and she was folding her arms on the floor as she gave me an interested glance. Upon seeing me staring at her, she raised her hand and said, "Oh, we haven't met before, have we? The name's Mogami, 1st ship of the Mogami-class heavy cruisers, of the 7th Cruiser Division. Sorry to intrude, we just need to borrow your docks for a bit, since ours are packed."

"Mogamin, you should be more polite to our hosts," said a girl next to her with twin tails that were tied with a pair of red ribbons. They had similar hair color, but completely different demeanors.

"Oh and this is Kumarinko, 2nd ship of the Mogami-class heavy cruisers, also of the 7th Cruiser Division," Mogami introduced.

"Uh, Kumarinko..?" Akagi asked.

"It's Mikuma," Houshou corrected her.

"But the name Kumarinko suits her better," Mogami added.

Mikuma didn't seem to mind, she just asked us our names and we continued to talk about the storm. Mogami went on to relate us her story.

"Our fleet were just steering southerly when the news of this typhoon suddenly came. It was so fast and wide that we had no choice but to ride it out. The destroyers were terrified. I was pretty scared myself, but I tried to take this like a grown woman. Houshou and Ryuujou tried their best to calm everyone down, and we reduced our speed until we were face to face with the typhoon. There were screams everywhere, the formation was blown apart, and I think my hand and foot snapped. I was unconscious after that, and then I woke up here," Mogami recalled, "I thought I was dead."

"At least you didn't crash into anyone this time, Mogamin."

"Hey...! It still was a pretty scary one. They said it was a miracle that none of those destroyers sank," Mogami argued, "But hey, I'm grateful that I can get back. I have a girlfriend waiting for me back home anyway. She's probably worried about me right now."

I blinked. "A..."

"A girlfriend...?" Akagi blurted.

"It's not serious. She'll regret it sooner or later," Mikuma remarked.

"It is! She's my true love, you know?"

"You two were friends just a moment ago."

"That's exactly the point! I was risking everything in our friendship to confess to her," Mogami declared, "And she accepted me! Man, I was so nervous back then, perhaps even more nervous than when I was almost caught in the storm!"

"Please don't compare that to such a dangerous situation..."

"You don't know about it, Kumarinko! Confessing that I like her would just change everything in our relationship. She might refuse me, or think I'm creepy, or avoid me outright! And that would be the end of our friendship," she finished dramatically.

"Um..." Akagi piped in, "Why would that change...?"

"Because my feelings are not the kind of love between friends, but healthy, romantic, sexual love," Mogami explained to her, "It's the kind of love where I want to bring her to bed, strip her clothes, and..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, too much information," I halted her.

"You guys are so noisy..." came Ryuujou's sleepy voice, "Don't talk about such gross-out things in public, will ya?"

"Oh hey, Ryuujou, welcome back to planet earth."

"I still need more sleep. Save the crying and mourning for me for later, okay?"

"Nobody's doing that actually."

"Will you just shut up already, Kaga...?"

We continued to talk with the girls for a bit before saying goodbye to them and heading back to the dorm. After being awake for the whole day and night, I felt like I nearly collapsed from exhaustion. Akagi seemed to notice this and took me back to my room, asking me questions to keep me awake along the way.

I quickly washed my face and Akagi gave me my hand towel while saying with a soft tone, "Are you okay...?"

I nodded at her and answered, "Yeah, I guess. Thank you for everything, Akagi-san."

"Don't mention it. You've worked hard today."

"You too. I heard a faulty ship design played a part in all this. This incident would definitely cause your modernization to be delayed."

"I don't mind. They'd better fix that faulty design before continuing any reconstruction."

"You're right," I sighed. I just wanted to lie on bed and sleep for the rest of the day.

"You sure you don't need me around...?" she asked, standing gingerly beside me with a concerned expression on her face.

To tell the truth, despite all the stress, it was very refreshing for me to be able to work with her like this.

I finally had the chance to talk normally with Akagi, without the awkwardness that had been plaguing most of our conversations before. This hard work was actually godsend for me.

And it was enough reward for all this exhaustion.

A smile crossed my face as I opened the door for her, "It's okay. You have to go back and rest too, Akagi-san."

She didn't move and her gaze didn't leave my face for a while.

I was about to ask what was wrong when I realized that strange look in her eyes.

She hovered closer to me, her face turning every shade of red right in front of me, and my voice was caught in my throat.

At that moment I knew what was about to happen, and damn it, I just didn't have the power to think or refuse. My right hand was still on the door handle, but I immediately froze like a statue until I felt that familiar touch of her lips on mine.

Just like our first kiss, it was sweet and short and none of our other body parts touched.

But the aftertaste...it was more bitter than anything.

She drew back and opened her eyes, plainly still in shock of what she had done.

The silence that came afterward seemed like an eternity.

When my voice finally returned, it sounded like I hadn't used it for a long time.

"Why?" was all that I could say to her. My head was so light that I felt like flying.

Her voice came out in a stutter. "I-I don't know... My body moved on its own...I..."

"Don't do this to me," I growled at her and she twitched at my words.

"Kaga-san..."

"You have no idea... You have no idea about what I feel...about how much you've been messing with my head... And you just went and did that and..."

"I'm sorry. I-I just thought... I could do the same thing to you... Like you did to me back then..."

I quietly cursed myself.

Akagi clearly didn't mean any harm and she was acting in good faith.

But this was just...just too painful.

I couldn't accept her kissing me without any feelings for me whatsoever.

Why did it become like this? Why did I have to make everything so complicated? Why did I have to hurt her like this?

Maybe...

Maybe we should just stop being friends.

"Akagi-san..." I began, "...I love you."

I didn't even need to look at her to know how confused she was at that time.

"I love..."

"It's different," I interrupted her, "It's different from your love."

_"I was risking everything in our friendship to confess to her."_

I wasn't exactly a woman of good sense, and I was too worn out to curb my mouth. I faced her and spouted everything I could say to end our friendship right then and there, leaving no room for ambiguity.

_"Confessing that I like her would just change everything in our relationship."_

"It's the kind of love where I want to bring you to bed, strip off your clothes, and make love to you until you cannot speak anymore..." I asserted, "...It's the kind of love that fleet girls should not have...where I cannot see our kisses as anything but romantic or sexual. It's the kind of love where I cannot see you as just a friend..."

I could already see her taking a step back...

"Akagi-san..." I said without looking at her, "I love you."

_"She might refuse me, or think I'm creepy, or avoid me outright..."_

I stared at the floor, refusing to confront this sad reality.

I came to realize that the only response I received from her was her footsteps, echoing loudly in the hallway as she turned and ran away from me.

Leaving me alone in my empty room, as I clenched my fist and tears started to pool in my eyes.

As I tried to be strong... As I half-heartedly told myself that this was for the better.

As this black hollow she created in my mind slowly grew larger.

As the girl who held my heart threw it to the ground and shattered it into a thousand pieces.

_"...And that would be the end of our friendship."_

* * *

**1934**

**IJN's third standard carrier, Souryuu was laid down. ****Under the 1931-32 Supplementation Program, the construction of two aircraft carriers was planned, which would later become Souryuu and Hiryuu. In contrast to Akagi and Kaga, which are conversions from other types of ships, Souryuu was built from the keel up as an aircraft carrier.**

**June 1935**

**Kaga returned to service and was assigned to the 2nd Carrier Division. Many of her major weaknesses were still not rectified, such as the direct incorporation of her fuel tanks, the enclosed structure of her hangar decks, poor fire-extinguishing systems, and little armor protection of her hangar and flight deck. These weaknesses would later contribute to her sinking.**

**September 1935**

**While participating in war game maneuvers, the 4th Fleet got caught in extremely foul weather, which would be known as The 4th Fleet Incident. ****Many of the ships suffered significant structural damage in the typhoon. Nearly all of the fleet's destroyers suffered damages to their superstructures or had their bows torn away, the cruisers developed serious cracks in their hulls, while Houshou and Ryuujou's flight decks and superstructure were ruined, with Ryuujou also having her hangar flooded. This incident would result in changes to IJN's warship design and construction in order to stabilize the ships by reducing weight above the waterline, and the cancellation of the electric welding hull seam practice which was suspected to cause the cracks in the cruisers.**

**November 1935**

**Akagi was put on reserve to begin her extensive modernization.**


	12. Chapter 11: Crystal Clear

A/N: Kudos to Little Donkey for the beta!

* * *

**Chapter 11: Crystal Clear**

Two years had passed since then, and nothing much changed after that.

Due to the typhoon Akagi's modernization didn't go as smoothly as mine, so she was stuck in the factory much longer than I was.

I didn't know how she coped with that.

Perhaps the Navy let her keep her hand in with light exercises.

I never paid her visits anymore, not even on September 23rd.

Sometimes she called me or tried to meet me, but we rarely spent much time together, because I started avoiding her.

Once in a while I would see her watching my fleet exercises.

I hated how I would feel so relieved seeing her healthy and well, and how I would occasionally play with the rabbit keychain she gave me.

I never told her any of that.

I was determined to head off any attempts to improve our relationship, come hell or high water.

If we were going to break off this friendship, we might as well just go all the way. And if it could also put my feelings to an end, it was all to the good.

Aside from a few people, nobody really knew what happened between Akagi and me.

Whenever somebody asked me, I would just answer "we grew apart" and end the conversation there.

As the gulf between us grew wider, Akagi and I became nothing more than mere co-workers. We only had several halting conversations in the last few months.

I preferred it that way, although I knew it wasn't the case with my mind since I missed her so much I dreamt about her sometimes.

Those dreams always destroyed my heart, because every single one of them was a happy one.

Memories from the past.

Fragments of what could have been.

Or even worse, a scene of what could happen if Akagi didn't leave me in my room that day, if Akagi shared the same feelings as me...

Although I did this to run away from the conflicting emotions in my head, it did cross my mind that I would give anything in the world for my love to be requited. However, I knew that nobody would hand me something like that on a plate.

Thankfully, I was never hard up for work in my hectic life to keep my mind occupied. It helped being able to fill my days with exercises, but I was unable to make much headway with my own healing process. Occasionally I was so miserable that a few perceptive girls would be concerned of how heartbroken I looked. I dug my toes in, refusing any offer of help and only covering my sadness up with something lame like "the Navy expects great things for me, so what I feel doesn't matter as long as I deliver the goods". The bases were experiencing a rapid growth in fleet girls' population, so the standard carriers were no longer the center of attention.

Eventually, this half-baked idea to avoid Akagi came around to bite me.

Everything around me remained the same until an armed conflict in another country suddenly escalated into a full-scale war, in which the Navy would actively participate with the Army.

Official announcements were made, and a lot of fleet girls would be sent out to support military operations, patrol the seas, providef cover for and escort army troops as they land on the enemy's coastal areas.

Fleet girls from various bases were moved to mine in case their dispatch was needed, and we gathered in the yard to listen to the announcement.

I heard Souryuu and a destroyer named Mikazuki, who were standing in front of me, discussing about how gruesome the working hours there would be, and according to the news they heard from their friends who was on guard around enemy waters, on the ground there was no hope of this war ending anytime soon. Meanwhile on the platform, Battleship Nagato, who would lead the whole operation of the fleet, kept going on to the next item on her list.

"...The following divisions and ships shall begin preparations to be dispatched immediately: Carrier Division 1 and 2, Battleship Division 1, Cruiser Division 4, 5, 9, 16, 18, and 21, Submarine Squadron 4 and 5, Destroyer Squadron 1, 2, 3, 5, and 6, Destroyer Division 2, 7, 23, and 24, Mutsuki-class destroyer Mikazuki, Ayanami-class destroyer Oboro. The following ships would be deployed for needed fleet support at any time necessary: Battleship Division 3, Cruiser Division 7 and 19, Destroyer Squadron 5, Destroyer Division 21, Souryuu-class aircraft carrier Souryuu, Chitose-class seaplane tenders Chitose and Chiyoda. More divisions and ships would be added. Every ship in commission is obligated to prepare in advance and is ready to be sent to the front lines at a moment's notice. Exceptions are given to those who are currently undergoing extensive reconstruction and are therefore unable to sortie, as in the names that are officially listed as follows: One, Akagi-class aircraft carrier Akagi, two..."

"Oops, sorry..."

I felt a shove against my back that nearly made me stumble to the girl in front of me.

When I turned to find out who it was, I saw a short haired girl wearing a white shirt and a necktie.

"...Tenryuu-san...?"

"Kaga! Oh thank God," she whispered in a panicked voice, "You have to help me out!"

I gaped as she yanked my sleeve and pulled me away from the crowd.

Tenryuu usually had a belligerent attitude and unfailing good humor that made her popular among the destroyers. But now there was nothing in her expression but fear.

"Wait, Tenryuu-san, what the...?"

"Kaga," she put her hands on my shoulders and begged, "Please hide me!"

"What...?"

"Come on, man, future fleet mates gotta help out each other!"

"...oh, right, you're from 19th Cruiser Division," I recalled, "But if I remember it correctly, your division has another cruiser. Where-"

"She's the problem! Now hide me!"

"But why-"

Tenryuu impatiently took me to hide at the corner of the nearest building when I heard a sweet, sinister voice from among the crowd of fleet girls.

"Fufufu~ where are you, Tenryuu-chan...? Do you think you can run away from me...?"

I wondered why Tenryuu was seeking for help with an extremely furious-sounding Tatsuta at her heels.

I was more amazed that some girls still had the nerve to talk to her...like Hiei for example.

"Oh, hey, Tatsuta. Um...I didn't know if you're allowed to bring your glaive around..."

"Have you seen Tenryuu-chan...?"

"Huh? No. Gee, you're always going on and on about..."

"Don't speak to me if you haven't seen her," Tatsuta replied with a hair-raising tone.

Hiei then let out a high-pitched scream of terror that sounded like she just discovered that this world was truly godless.

I glanced at Tenryuu, who was shivering beside me when she heard that. I didn't know what kind of shenanigans I was getting myself into this time, but I decided to help her out of pity without much questioning.

"...Alright, let's go to my room," I finally said.

"Yes! Thank you, Kaga! You're truly the kindest, most good-natured person that I have ever...!"

"Yeah, yeah, save that for later. Now we have to go and hide you..."

Sneaking our away around the base, we managed to slip past Tatsuta and headed to my dorm hall without attracting much attention.

Tenryuu looked so relieved when she locked the door behind my back.

"Phew...that was close," she wiped some sweat from her forehead.

Before I could say anything else, she threw herself on my bed and lied on her stomach with a defeated sigh.

"This feels so nice...Do you have tea...?"

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"...After suddenly making a request like that, you're going to treat my room like your home and expect me to treat you like a guest of honor...?" I grumbled.

"I'm really sorry but...please let me rest a bit," she took my pillow and stuffed her face in it.

"What did you do to Tatsuta-san?"

"Ack, it was just one stupid joke and she's already tearing her hair out. I thought she would take it like a grown-up, but she's still just a kid."

"And look who's hiding from that kid. You have no grounds for complaint."

"Ouch, you're as strict as ever," Tenryuu yawned, putting her hands behind her head, "It's okay. She's going on a long expedition soon. So how are you doing, Kaga?"

"I'm fine, thank you," I answered before sitting on the floor.

"The last time I heard from the others about you, it seems that you're getting rather chummy with Akagi, huh...?" she teased.

She dropped her smirk when I didn't give a reply.

"...uh..." She scratched the back of her head "...what happened...?"

"That is none of your business."

That seemed to tick her off. She sat straight on my bed and crossed her arms while growling, "Okay, wise girl, spill it."

My expression was unchanged. "Who are you to order me around?"

"In case you have forgotten, I'm not afraid of you," Tenryuu stated, "The ice-cold but boiling-hot carrier, the pride of a million koku, Kaga. She invites admiration and fear wherever she goes. The absolute opposite of the Washington Naval Treaty's other carrier daughter, Akagi. Only a few handful of fleet girls know her true face. And this carrier... she went on a dinner date with another person? Just the two of you...? How is that possible?"

"You need to shut up if you know what's good for you," I said, but a shiver accidentally slipped in my voice and Tenryuu caught that.

She caught that the name "Akagi" was creating a reaction within me.

"Akagi is my friend too. What did you do to her?" she demanded, "Tell me, Kaga, or I'm going to smack your face for hurting her."

"Hurting...? What...?"

Tenryuu stood up from the bed and walked impatiently to me. "I met her some time ago. She was sitting alone, on the beach. When I asked her what was wrong, she suddenly hugged me while _crying her eyes out_. I thought I was imagining her mentioning your name. But I guess I wasn't."

I could only stare at her. "...Akagi-san... cried about..."

"I thank you for helping me, but this and that are entirely different things. What did you do to make her cry, huh? I won't forgive you if it's a lame-ass reason," she said as she seized my collar and I made a sharp intake of breath, "No wonder she looks so depressed these days, it was _your_ fault after all. She said it's just a small hang-up, nothing to worry about, but so far nothing from her has shown it's true."

Tenryuu's rage looked dangerous.

But I was so damn stubborn and proud to try calming her down.

I should've kept my stupid mouth shut.

"...that is a groundless allegation. If you like her that much, then why not ask her directly? She won't tell you? Why? You might not be as close as you think."

Her reaction was instantaneous. There was a flash in her eyes when she pulled me by the collar and threw me to the floor.

My back was slammed to the wardrobe and I winced as the pain radiated from my bones.

"...Asshole. Akagi shouldn't be going around making friends with a jerk like you."

I tasted a bit of blood in my mouth. Apparently I accidentally bit my tongue just now.

Despite that, I couldn't bear any grudge against Tenryuu.

I might unconsciously want someone to punish me as well, and Tenryuu's anger was perfect for it.

If her hands weren't tied, she probably would have tried to turn me into scrap.

"...Rest assured. She and I are not friends anymore," I told her as I tried to stand back up, "This jerk doesn't exist in her life any longer. You don't need to worry."

"Do you have to be so thick? It's too late to say that now. How could she possibly be happy about that when she was crying back there? And you just decided to leave her to bear all that pain by herself?"

I clenched my fists. "She doesn't need me. She doesn't want me in her _life_!"

"Go and ask her then! She sure as hell ain't smiling and laughing about that!"

"I have no choice!" I spat, "This is all for the better. No matter how much I want to be with her, she's better off without me, she's better off with other girls! She needs people who won't ruin their friendship for the sake of a petty, sick emotion...!"

I slipped up and my voice was quivering.

Tenryuu only gawked at me, and I couldn't blame her for reacting that way.

I sank to my haunches, burying my face in my hands so she couldn't see the cracks in my expression.

I hated how my facade simply crumbled to pieces when I remembered that person.

_Akagi-san._

_Akagi-san._

_I miss you so much._

_I miss your smile that always helped me get through the day._

_I miss your voice that soothed me after a grueling practice._

_I miss your gentle touch, your appetite, your mannerisms..._

_I miss everything about you._

I knew in my heart of hearts that I was losing this hard-fought battle.

For a while it was so silent that I could have heard a pin drop.

Then Tenryuu finally arrived at a conclusion.

"...so that's how it is," she said, "Do you really...?"

"You don't know the half of it," I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, "What has happened is neither here nor there. We can't go back to how we were."

"And you're just going to give up like this...?" Her voice rose once more, "Throwing away the friendship that you had built with her? I don't know what happened between you guys...but I thought I heard her say this while crying, 'Kaga-san, I'm sorry, please forgive me...'"

When I didn't give her an answer, she stomped her foot on the ground and said, "Go and talk to her, Kaga."

"I refuse."

Tenryuu seemed to already expect that abrupt reply.

"Then I'm going to force you."

"And how would you exactly do that...?"

"For someone like you, words would not be enough," she said, "You need to be taught a lesson on how to tackle your own problems head-on. I'm going to have this out with you once and for all. We'll settle this, in the way we both know best. Prepare yourself, Kaga."

* * *

After the official announcement, the wide naval yard only had very few fleet girls around. They all stared curiously at Tenryuu and I as we walked there together, a regular bow and a wooden sword in hand. They probably thought that some kind of show was about to start.

"So what's the point of this?" I asked. We stopped by to the dojo just now to pick up the bow and several ordinary arrows, not the ones that could transform to planes.

"I've told you, haven't I? We'll settle this the best way we know how."

She ordered me to stand at the very end of the yard before pointing her wooden sword at me and explained loudly. "The weapons of fleet girls are among the heaviest in the world that could be carried into battle by a single person. That includes my sword, your bow, and your arrows. Carrier-based planes are the heaviest arrows in the world and your bow is highly specialized for that. And now we're going to use the absolute weakest version of those weapons. This would give us a speed advantage, but proficiency would depend entirely on the user," she said as more and more fleet girls were gathering to watch, "I'm going to stand at the opposite end of this naval yard, and you'll have to shoot me with your arrows as I try to reach you. If one of your arrows hit me, then I lose, you can do whatever you want to me, I don't care. But if I get to you before that happens, then I would beat the shit out of you until you agree to talk with Akagi again."

My gaze dropped to the bow in my hand.

It was much lighter than my usual weapon.

I was also not heavily loaded, so the speed advantage would multiply, but with a bow of this weight my accuracy would be measured raw.

I tightened my grip on it as Tenryuu headed to her position at the opposite end of the yard.

I didn't know why I agreed to do this.

A lot of fleet girls were watching us now, wondering what would start between us.

As soon as Tenryuu couldn't go further, she turned to face me and readied her stance.

This stretch of field between us was at least twice the usual distance for a carrier target practice.

"Precision aiming is your forte, right? I heard from Akagi that there are many calculations and angle consideration involved before you can properly fire a single arrow. You can't entirely rely on guesswork and luck. So this should be easy as pie for you who have known that technique by heart, shouldn't it, Kaga...?"

Akagi is the one...who guided me through my intensive training so I could be the way I am now.

Akagi is the one...who recognized what I was capable of and how I could push my abilities to the limits.

Akagi is the one...who helped me learn all those things.

And just look at how I repaid her.

My eyes twitched. Tenryuu was clearly trying to lay a guilt trip and provoke me at the same time. She was making me go all out so that I would understand that my defeat was definite.

_But that is... _I thought, adjusting one of the new arrows on the bow, _...if she can defeat me_.

"Here I come!" she shouted, and I noticed her leaning heavily on one foot, "This is Tenryuu-sama's attack! Yosha...!"

Using that foot as a spring, she made a series of flying leaps forward while holding her sword with both hands.

For an old light cruiser, her speed astounded me, and that wooden sword clearly played to her advantage. It took me half a second to recover from the surprise, take aim and release the arrow.

It was perfect, it headed straight to her right shoulder even with considering the weight and the winds.

But Tenryuu was aware that I could master this new weapon immediately.

In the minuscule amount of time before the arrow found its target, she raised her sword and deflected the shot with a single wild swing of her arms. That swing was so strong, the deflected arrow was embedded on the ground with a loud thwack.

She raised her head and grinned when she saw that my bow was already equipped with another arrow.

"That hurt my arm a little! You ain't half bad! Can make a shot that powerful with just a regular arrow!" she praised without stopping her dash.

Her fakes were a bit hard to read, but I refused to play into her hands. I realized she was getting faster by the second.

"You're a worthy opponent."

"Bring it on, Kaga!"

Before she closed her mouth another arrow was flying toward her forehead. It was a very close margin, but she managed to block that too. It was getting increasingly harder to aim at her. She didn't have all that experience for nothing; Tenryuu was born even earlier than me.

And she was getting closer and more obnoxious.

"Is this all you got? You don't strike me as a good-time kind of girl. You spent all those days being away from Akagi for training, didn't you? And this is all you amount to? How dare you leave Akagi alone for this shitty skill? How dare you?"

I gnashed my teeth, feeling my hackles rose as another arrow that I launched missed her chest by a hair's breadth.

She couldn't talk big after that, as my attacks grew to be swifter and more merciless.

Once I got used to it, my shooting became mechanical, and the arrows flowed smoothly from my hand to my bow to the air like the currents of a river.

I was able to see the panic in her eyes when she couldn't use her trusty sword anymore to parry my continual assault, and had to rely on nothing but her evasion.

The strain was starting to get to her, and I hadn't even broken a sweat.

She was closer than how I'd like her to, but there was still a clear gap between us where one of two more shots could slip in. My victory was obvious, and Tenryuu could see that she was losing ground as I went on shooting.

She accidentally heeled over when she was avoiding my next consecutive arrows, and I knew that was my opening.

My line of sight immediately located the easiest target that showed because of her blunder: her left arm.

The audience let out a collective gasp when they realized who was heading for a certain defeat.

Time slowed down around me, and I reached my calmest mental state where I could utilize my absolute best form of archery.

I've got to hand it to her, she lasted longer than I expected her to.

Just when I was about to launch my winning shot, I heard a loud voice from the sidelines that stabbed through my consciousness like a knife.

"Kaga-san...!"

The grip of my fingers around the arrow loosened.

In that a millionth second when I recognized that person among the crowd, my mind was instantly shattered.

_Aka..._

"_Pay attention to your opponent...!_" Tenryuu yelled at me.

Once my eyes were back to her it was too late.

With great force Tenryuu's sword made contact with my face in an unforgiving slicing hit.

The stinging sensation on my cheek blinded me as my body was knocked down to the ground.

I was on my hands and knees when another strike from her landed on my shoulder, and I heard a crack from her wooden sword.

She was beating me so hard, it surprised me that it didn't snap in two.

All the fight went out of me. I sat on the ground and hung my head in defeat, ready to accept whatever punishment she thought was fit for me.

I was a bit glad that Akagi got to see this.

This shameful face of the girl who had caused her so much pain.

The former battleship who was never supposed to meet her.

The loser who was guilty of selfishness, who deserved everything Tenryuu was doing to her.

Even if I asked Tenryuu to stop, I knew she wasn't having any.

Even if Tenryuu kicked the hell out of me, to the point of killing me there outright, it would only go halfway to giving me the proper punishment for hurting Akagi.

_Akagi-san... _

_I can turn a hand to basically anything involving launching carrier-based planes... but when it comes to you and my feelings, I am just pathetic._

_After all my ham-fisted attempts to become closer with you... no matter how much I thought I could forget you someday, half the time my mind always comes back to you somehow._

_Perhaps not even forever would be enough._

My ears were ringing and my sight was completely blurry when I saw a glimpse of the sword being raised once more.

With a heavy heart I closed my eyes and accepted my fate.

_I'm sorry that I confessed my..._

"_Stop it...!_"

Out of nowhere, a pair of arms circled themselves around me and her warm body was suddenly pressed against my right side.

Her voice sounded so distressed in my ears and it still gave me an inexplicable sense of tranquility.

"Tenryuu-san, please...!"

I could sense her trembling as she embraced me closer.

The nostalgic scent that came from her body and hair was enough to make my eyes brim with tears.

For a while I was in seventh heaven, and everything that happened between us was forgotten completely.

As I was being overwhelmed by Akagi's presence, Tenryuu spoke again in a small voice.

"Akagi...?"

"Tenryuu-san, please stop."

"Why are you protecting her?"

"Because..."

"I know you like her, but a friend like her is not worth your time."

"It's not that... It's not that at all..."

"Then why?"

Akagi didn't answer her immediately.

I could feel her hesitating as she tightened her hug around me.

But her voice was crystal clear when she opened her mouth and uttered those few words that would stay in my mind for the rest of my life.

"...It's because..." she continued, "...because I'm in love with her."

* * *

**July 1937**

**On one night in the vicinity of the Lugou (Marco Polo) bridge, Chinese and Japanese troops exchanged fire in a confused, sporadic skirmishing that soon escalated into a full-scale battle. This conflict would be known as the Marco Polo Bridge Incident, which marked the beginning of The Second Sino-Japanese War.**

**August 1937**

**To provide escort to troop convoys and support military operations along the central China coast and further inland, Kaga and the other ships were sent to Chinese waters.**


	13. Chapter 12: Departure

A/N: Kudos to Little Donkey for the beta!

* * *

**Chapter 12: Second Sino-Japanese War: Departure**

"You were holding back, weren't you...?"

I raised my head when Akagi pressed the cold bag of ice against my bruised cheek.

When I didn't respond, she pulled it away from me.

"...and what could that possibly mean...?" I asked after a brief pause.

After going head to head with me, Tenryuu helped me to my feet and apologized with grudging admiration in her voice. With a straight face, I told her to "forget it, no harm done" although I still felt like my head was floating toward the skies at the time. Akagi brought me back to my room and she treated my contusions, avoiding my eyes the whole time as I sat on my bed.

That sudden confession still felt like a dream for me.

I hadn't seen hide nor hair of her for nearly a month. And suddenly here she was, right in front of me and treating my wounds.

I was not ready to have a heart-to-heart with her after all that time.

"Nothing... I was just... I know you, Kaga-san. You were not doing the best you could back there..."

"You know me, huh...?"

She dropped her gaze, her face flushing. After not being this close to her for so long, it was amusing watching this new array of emotions she was showing in front of me.

"Akagi-san."

"Y-yes...? !"

I pointed to my cheek and said, "Go on."

"Ah, sorry!" she blurted, kneeling down in front of me while putting the ice pack back.

I had to admit, her blush was making the same shade of red appear on my face too.

Akagi was just too cute.

Someone this cute couldn't possibly be in love with me.

"...Is it true..?" I murmured.

She already knew what I meant without me saying it.

"Yes..." she whispered.

"But that's..."

"I'm serious."

It did sound as if she had contemplated over this during the two years of being away from each other.

"I'm serious about this, Kaga-san..." she said in a pleading tone, "I'm sorry that I ran away back then... It was far too sudden... and I regretted what I did... but I've thought about it long and hard. Kaga-san is so important to me... and not in the way that my other friends are. Kaga-san is different... and I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize that... Kirishima-san told me that I would become repentant if you went to another war and didn't come back home this time... and it hit me much, much harder than I thought..."

My head was spinning.

After two years of our relationship becoming strained, this came from completely out of nowhere.

It was hard to believe, and in my mind, there was no guarantee of my happiness.

"Do you remember what I said about my feelings?" I asked her, "My love for you is..."

"I understand," she interrupted, as I watched her like a hawk, "But... I realize that your love is not just about that. It's also about how you are always willing to spend time with me, to listen to me, to know my weaknesses and embrace them, to see past through what I show in the surface...and still love me in spite of that."

I became breathless when she gazed so deeply into my eyes.

She exhaled and held both of my hands in hers. "I love you, Kaga-san..." she said, "I love Kaga-san, and all her love for me, too. I love you."

My face turned redder every time she uttered the word "love".

This was all very new for me, and my brain still needed time to process it.

Akagi seemed to take my silence as a rejection.

"I-it's okay if you don't believe me...or if you don't love me anymo-"

"No," I cut her off, "No, I love you, Akagi-san. I still do. Not even two years is enough to make it go away. I don't know what to do, I don't..."

Before I could finish, Akagi's arms were around me and her lips were already on mine.

Never in my life had I ever expected that I could share a romantic kiss with Akagi.

My body felt so light and peaceful, being immersed in absolute bliss although a surging heat was coursing in my veins, surrounding me, engulfing me. I was a snowflake, being thrown around in a violent storm that came from that intoxicating pair of lips.

Even when the kiss was filling me anew, I was still hesitant to touch her. But the urge to become one with her soon grew irresistible.

_Akagi-san..._

It began with an outstretched arm, then a caress from a finger, then my hand was entangled in her long tresses.

I didn't dare to move my mouth, knowing that the beast inside of me was waiting. Waiting to escape from the cage that I had built for it ever since I realized that it wanted to get its claws on Akagi.

However, that cage was plainly crumbling.

Akagi looked a little afraid at first, but she gradually enjoyed the kiss, and she showed obvious hints that she wanted more.

Her thigh was sliding against mine and her mouth was threatening to do the same.

She was climbing onto my lap, pushing my head back, and my mind was drowning in a haze of lust.

For a brief moment I was in that half-and-half land where you are not completely conscious nor completely awake.

I wondered if I dared to do anything more than this.

When my brain wouldn't stop urging me to just give it a go, my hand reached Akagi's chin and parted her lips, creating access to deepen our kiss.

However, as soon as my tongue connected with hers, she let out a soft moan against my mouth.

A truly audible moan of gratification and arousal.

I had never heard a sound like that in my life.

I had never imagined I could hear Akagi making that sound because she was kissing with me.

And Akagi seemed to had thought the same, because she broke our kiss with a jolt.

I could only stare at her, still overwhelmed by that intimate contact we just shared.

"A...Ah..." she clasped her hand on her mouth as she slid down from my lap, "I-I'm sorry... I..."

When I was coming back to my senses, I recognized that look of fear in her eyes.

She was ready... but not _ready_ in the way that allowed us to go further than this.

"...Akagi-san," I called, "It's okay..."

She shook her head. "No! It's not okay. What was I thinking, suddenly pulling back like that...I..."

"No, no, I mean it," I gave her the most sincere smile, "This is enough."

"It's not...you said..."

I remembered the words I mindlessly spouted out to her in my room back then.

"Oh, that...? That was just... Just forget that."

She still looked more guilty than ever. "No, don't..."

"Hey, listen to me," I put my hand on her cheek, "This is enough."

"But..."

"This is enough. For now."

She opened her mouth to retort but nothing came out and instead, her cheeks turned into a deep, scarlet shade.

Seriously, I really wanted to know what was going on underneath that adorable reaction of hers. But now was not the time.

"I think you should go back. The factory workers are probably getting paranoid with you. You don't want to make another case of disappearance," I advised.

"A-ah, that's true! I'm late!" she dropped the ice pack on the bed and hurried toward the door.

"Should I go with..."

"No."

I felt a little hurt hearing her abrupt refusal.

"Akagi-san..."

"I-I can go by myself. Kaga-san stays here. I just..l just need a bit of time alone...I mean..."

Watching her slowly turning into a blushing, blabbering mess was interesting.

She fidgeted at the door, as if waiting for my response. When I made a tiny nod, she immediately vanished from sight.

I listened to her footsteps until I couldn't hear her anymore, before tossing myself on the bed and reflecting on everything that just happened today. My fingers found my lips before I knew it.

Just one day ago I felt like a bird grubbing about for worms, trying so hard to get through my life and barely succeeding.

And now... it was like all my dreams from the past two years became true just in the span of one day.

That kiss would stay in my mind for days to come.

My brain kept repeating every little detail about the heart-stopping kiss...the creases of her lips...her long eyelashes...that tiny, sensual moan...

I blushed and put my hands over my eyes, groaning inwardly.

I thought I could make these feelings disappear by avoiding her, but it turned out...nothing about them had changed.

_I really have... fallen head over heels in love with her._

Everything between Akagi and me was guaranteed to change after this.

Somehow, I was given this chance to fix what we had left broken...

If there was anything I could do to express this gratitude...it was to never let go of her ever again.

* * *

We had always been trained for a quick dispatch whenever the Navy needed us, but this was the first time I took part in it for real.

I supposed I never packed my belongings that fast in my whole life.

But everyone was already ready in the harbor when I arrived there to listen to the final announcements. The officials told us some things that were left out previously, like how resources would directly go to each fleet from the main base of the war, and at least one fleet girl was required to keep guard over them and their transports at all times.

Just when they had finished speaking, I heard a loud yawn from beside me.

It was a long-haired blonde wearing a black headband with a ribbon. If I remembered correctly, Yuudachi was her name.

When she realized I was giving her a disapproving look, she covered her mouth and said, "Ah, I'm sorry, poi."

"That's a little rude," I reminded her.

"Sorry, Kaga-san, I slept pretty late last night. Didn't expect my squadron to be sent in such a rush, poi," she yawned again.

"That's okay. I could barely sleep last night, either."

"Oh, why is that, poi?"

I couldn't possibly tell her it was because I kept replaying that high point of my life in my mind through the whole night.

"Your guess is as good as mine," I replied lamely.

Yuudachi was quiet for a while before saying something I was totally unprepared for, "Was it because of Akagi-san, poi?"

"Where the heck did that come from? ?"

"Well, rumor has it that when Kaga-san loses her cool it's usually because of Akagi-san. I guess it's true, poi."

_If Ryuujou keeps spreading more irresponsible gossip about me, I'm going to bombard her so hard that the 4th Fleet Incident would only feel like a scratch on the butt._

"Whatever it is that you have heard about me, that is not true," I slung my bag over my shoulder as the fleet girls were starting to form lines to depart.

"Including the part that you two are dating, poi?"

"What-"

"No, seriously, I mean, I know you're not that close these days, but...Akagi-san and Kaga-san just go together, you know...? I guess a lot of people think you're made for each other, or something, I don't know, poi."

"Listen..." I scratched my forehead in frustration. My brain quickly concocted a guarded answer that was made up of a mixture of lies and half-truths.

"I don't know who told you those things and I don't want to know, but those kinds of gossips are never grounded in fact. Akagi-san and I aren't half such a romantic couple as you think, we are just friends-"

"Kaga-san!"

That voice made my heart skip a beat.

Among the queueing fleet girls who were preparing to launch I saw her running to me, apologizing left and right to the people she accidentally bumped against.

Akagi.

The girl of my dreams.

She stopped in front of Yuudachi and me, trying to catch her breath while clutching a box covered in cloth.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she bowed her head and the long, messy locks of her hair nearly reached the ground, "Good luck with the war. I made this in a rush, so it might not taste that good."

That was when I realized that she was holding a bento box.

If Yuudachi weren't there watching us, I would probably have shed tears of gratitude in front of her.

"I bought a good luck charm to guard against accidents and injuries, but I think I lost it in my hurry and I can't lay my hands on it..."

"No, this is more than enough. Give yourself more credit, please," I smiled at the harassed-looking girl, "And besides, I've got that charm covered."

She gave me a confused look and I lifted up my bag to show her the white rabbit keychain dangling from it, causing her to flush a few shades of red.

"Kaga-san, why do you still keep that? It's not..."

"Nope, don't say it's just a cheap knock-off or whatever. Ever since I received it from you, this thing has always been my guardian angel."

She gazed at me in awe as I heard Houshou's voice from afar, "Everyone, please head to your launch pads!"

Ever since last night I had the hankering to spend as much time with Akagi as possible to make up for these past years, but that had to wait.

I wasn't a happy camper because I would be separated from her for quite some time, but I have my obligations as a fleet girl. I was ready to endure that hardship, so I braced myself and faced Akagi with a smile.

"I guess I have to go now," I said firmly to her, "Take care of yourself, okay...?"

Just after I waved goodbye to Akagi and nodded to Yuudachi, I heard my name being called again.

Before I could ask Akagi what was wrong, she suddenly pulled my arm and planted a kiss on my cheek.

In broad daylight.

In front of so many onlookers.

As if on cue, wolf whistles and high-pitched coos started coming from all sides.

"Ohh, those two are going out now, I guess," Murakumo told Hatsuyuki.

"Woohoo, Kaga got a good bye kiss from her girl!" Ashigara teased.

"Congratulations, Kaga-san!" Isonami cried out.

"We'll keep an eye on her, don't you worry, Akagi!" Myoukou piped in.

The encouragement and teasing from the other girls made me want to just dig a hole and bury myself inside.

"I'm..." I mumbled to Akagi, my face now burning hotter than ever.

_I can handle this, dammit, I can handle this!_

"I'm going."

She regarded me with her soft, beautiful eyes and smiled.

"Kaga-san, I look forward to hearing from you. Get along with everyone, okay? Let's have a good talk after you come back. Have a safe trip," Akagi whispered before heading back out in a heartbeat, leaving me in the waves of fleet girls who were headed to their launch pads in a haphazard manner.

I was feeling more self-conscious than I had ever been in my life.

After standing there for a handful of seconds, Yuudachi smirked at me.

"...Just friends, huh, poi?"

"Be quiet," I replied without turning a hair, and I knew she was holding back her laugh.


	14. Chapter 13: Arrival

**Chapter 13: Second Sino-Japanese War: Arrival**

"So I guess the admiral's trip is a no go?"

"Man, it must be so nice to be able to ask for a vacation. I wish we could have one too."

"You're dreaming. We can't even ask for a half day."

"Weapons don't need vacations anyway."

"Don't worry, I'll bring a guidebook of the area!"

"Wha...we're not going on a vacation...!"

"Have we got enough food in at least...?"

"Hey, so you really went ahead and had a perm."

"I really regret that decision."

"Nice timing, you won't need to grow it out, this war would straighten it back in no time. Now the waves are getting rougher so can you _please_ stop doing your hair?"

"I won't fall! My new equipments handle well in any weather!"

"You still have a good head of hair, but if you keep doing that, you'll go bald."

"Fleet girls can go bald...?"

"Everyone, shut up already."

The casual banters among the fleet girls followed our journey to the war main base like the buzzing of noisy bumblebees.

After an hour or two, I wish they would just stop, because despite our wide formation, it was starting to hurt my ears.

However, I knew why they were not capable to keep their mouths closed.

It was a truly pleasant and dreamy weather to sail, although we were all guided straight to hostile enemy areas by the fleet girls who had known this route beforehand. The waves, great and small, were crawling away from us, forming steady patterns that reminded me of a rhythmic pulse. The symphony that was forged by their sounds and the seagulls over our heads was unmatched by anything else that nature had ever heard. The soaring birds casted shadows on our wake beneath the rays of sun. In my opinion, the heavenly bodies always shone the brightest over the ocean. The seas and their vastness are truly magical, living beings that were cherished by every fleet girl.

And the greatest irony of all was, a fleet girl's whole purpose in life was to make those seas a dark and bottomless mass grave.

These contrasting features are the heartbeat of our whole lives.

On one hand we are just fun-loving normal girls, going about our days without a care in the world. We train together, sleep in bunk-beds, and help ourselves to more servings of food when the staff aren't looking. On the other hand, we were doomed by the heavy hand of the Navy to become the tools for the height of inhumanity.

While I was busy daydreaming, I spotted a destroyer a few distances away from me slowly straying away from the formation.

Since nobody else seemed to notice, I decided to take the initiative and called out to her.

"Hey, destroyer!"

The fleet girl, who has long straight hair and wears a blue-and-white sailor uniform, turned her face to me and sleepily raised her eyebrows.

When she didn't seem to notice what she did wrong, I added, "You're going off course."

"Oh," she looked at her feet in surprise, "Right, thanks for reminding me."

"No problem... uh..." I replied, but as she came back to our formation with her black hair fluttering against the wind, I realized that she looked rather familiar.

She was wearing the same uniform as the Fubuki-class, so she was probably one of them.

"Hatsuyuki-san...right...?" I said hesitantly.

"Oh..." It seemed that she recognized me around the same time. "Kaga-san, right? I haven't thanked you for saving me from a car crash back then, thank you."

Hopefully she would never notice that I was actually the one behind the wheels.

"N-no problem," I cleared my throat, "Where's your division?"

"They're going ahead. I'm not really in the mood to lead the squadron's way, so they leave me behind," she yawned, "Why do we have to depart so early...? I still want to sleep... This is too much like hard work..."

...how could this girl be the flagship of a destroyer division anyway?

She always looked like she just hauled herself off her bed.

"We have to arrive there quickly, you know," I told her, "You shouldn't be slacking off."

She didn't answer for awhile, making me think that I had offended her somehow. Perhaps I shouldn't have laid a guilt trip like that.

But her face was completely devoid of emotion when she said, "You're so pumped up after getting that bento from your girlfriend."

My jaw dropped open, but she cut me off when I was about to give a response, "Relax, I'm not teasing you or anything...I'm just warning you."

That was quite an unexpected thing to say. "Warning me...?"

"I think you are too hasty in taking your relationship further. It's best that you understand who we are and be careful about being close with another fleet girl."

Her tone was much more serious than I thought it should. What was she hinting at...?

"And why am I supposed to be careful?"

She didn't answer me for a moment, her eyes fixed on the guns she was holding.

"...you've already met the members of my division, Fubuki and Shirayuki. There was actually one more member that you haven't met. 4th ship of the Fubuki-class destroyers, Miyuki."

To be honest, I had never heard of that name before. The only members of the 11th Destroyer Division that I knew were those three.

"At that time, the Fubuki-class were special class destroyers intended to become the most powerful in the world, but nobody had proven that yet. Obviously, that burden made us all anxious, and we weren't too keen to go out in a sortie. But Miyuki was different. Out of us four, Miyuki was the one who was the most excited for battle. Although she was the youngest of us all, she was the guiding force of the division, like a big sister who simply loves to take the lead. She trained really hard, she wasn't afraid of failure, and she could never wait to sink an enemy ship as a special type destroyer. Little by little... the way she always childishly gunned for the top and did nothing by halves spread to the rest of us. She gave us all courage, and we went on to prove that we are indeed, the best destroyers in the world."

"...She sounds like an excellent child," I remarked, "...but how come have I never heard of her?"

"Because she's dead," she answered with a grim tone, "On 29th June three years ago, Miyuki accidentally collided with destroyer Inazuma and sank. She never saw a single battle in her life. She never made any of the accomplishments that she had always wanted. Her memories... her motivation... all the hard work and training she had ever done... Everything, _everything_ went down with that single accident. She sank, just like that, and none of us ever saw that coming."

She sped up a little, leaving me agape behind her. For a second there, I wondered if she shed a tear, but there wasn't even the slightest change in her expression when she turned her head to me and continued speaking.

"It's okay if you want to pursue a romantic relationship with Akagi-san, but what could happen in the future is anybody's guess. The simplest mistake could sink even the strongest carrier. When we fight a more powerful enemy one day, a hemorrhage of ships would be inevitable. You must know how to handle yourself in this business. We've had enough on our hands without dealing with this kind of thing. The Navy isn't particularly supportive of romantic relationships between fleet girls. Once they have got something on you, they could do a hatchet job on your attitude anytime they want to. You might have Akagi-san with you now, but you'd better prepare yourself for an uncertain future with her where either of you might not come back home to see each other for another day. Happiness like yours is temporary. That is just the reality of our lives as fleet girls."

Happiness like this cannot last.

Tragedy was always waiting for a fleet girl under the guise of love.

There was nothing that awaited us in the end of this war but a great deal of pain.

I have been taught about that again and again.

By how I was separated from Tosa.

By how Akagi could never meet her sisters ever again.

By how heart-rending tales and untimely death are common occurrences in the life of every fleet girl, much more than that of a human.

And I never learned a thing, not even with Hatsuyuki's hard-hitting speech.

Because I was utterly blinded by how addictive, how intoxicating that happiness was, no matter how hackneyed it all seemed to be.

_Akagi-san is in love with me._

_Akagi-san returns my feelings._

At that time, for my shallow, lovesick mind, nothing else could possibly matter.

* * *

War bases around enemy waters were usually secluded, built in secret, and were much smaller than their mainland counterparts. We already knew what we were expecting, and as long as the base was at the very least livable, even if it was nearly unfit for human habitation, our only concern was how safe it was so we would not experience any surprise attacks, and how much we were required to get our hands dirty. For the humans, fleet girls were practically free extra labor for exhausting and time-consuming physical work.

It was nearly midnight when we arrived at the plain and camouflaged building. Some of the younger fleet girls were not too used to the long journey and only wished to rest immediately. It probably felt like a sortie and a half for them, but they gave their most confident salute when they lined up for the briefing. Battleship Mutsu, who had arrived there before us, gave us a brief description of our respective tasks for the next morning before we were allowed to sleep in our rooms.

"Carrier Division 1 and 2, prepare for a sortie at 2 am sharp. Split your aircraft for strategic bombing missions and military operation support along the coastal area."

If that command sounded simple, it was only before we knew that we would be attacking a coastal military airfield, while providing cover for the landing troops.

We would be literally launching a direct assault at enemy planes.

Even so, the battle would mostly take place in the air, so as long as we could sail to the coast undetected, keeping the ships and the troops out of harm's way was the main priority of the mission. Several fleet girls were temporarily detached from their divisions for this purpose. I recognized some of the names, like Mutsuki-class destroyers Mutsuki and Mikazuki, Ayanami-class destroyer Sazanami, and Shiratsuyu-class destroyer Samidare.

"We most likely won't receive a lot of resistance from them, but it wouldn't do us any harm to provide the fleet with more anti-air defense."

"Oh, me! Me! Let me do it!"

The girl who volunteered was a short-haired brunette wearing a sleeveless dark blue sailor uniform with white collar and skirt. She was wearing a red tie around her neck, and was nearly jumping up and down in excitement.

"Right...uh... Maya-san? It's great that you're willing to help out," Mutsu called her, "You would escort 2nd Carrier Division, okay? That girl beside you is the flagship, Kaga-san."

I instantly regretted standing on that spot right now.

"Kaga...Kaga-san...? I get to work with Kaga-san? Woohoo!"

Strangers getting overly close to me was basically the worst thing ever, and I found that attitude hard to take.

And Maya didn't waste anytime to do precisely that.

Before I could escape to my room, she followed me down the hall and started talking to me like we had been friends since forever.

I couldn't get a handle on someone like her, but I wasn't able to ignore Akagi's advice to me.

_"Get along with everyone, okay...?"_

Maybe I was too hasty in deciding that she was only a nuisance.

it was about time I learned to be friends with more people.

And who knows, someday they might come in handy.

"I wonder if they would let us walk around once the land is ours. Their markets are great, you see, and I know a good way to haggle with the locals. Just say what you want, and I can get it for you at half price in no time. I mean, they only allow us one serving a head, that's ridiculous! That won't be enough for a standard carrier like you. You'll need to buy your own food."

"Maya-san...I appreciate your kindness, but-"

"This area is interesting. There are creepy places around here that will make your hair stand on end... like that forest where some people went into, and then were never heard of again. It'd be hella fun if we could make a test of courage there for us fleet girls!"

"That does sound fun, but-"

"Oh yeah, I heard you're from Kobe, Kaga-san! Me too!"

"Eh? Is that so?"

"Kawasaki, right? Same with Haruna-san! Maybe we should go back together to Kobe some time. Do you have any plans for that?"

"I...I think..." I said, remembering my promise to Akagi back then, "Yes, I think so..."

"By yourself?"

"No."

Once again, my mouth seemed to work against my will when Akagi was on my mind.

My abrupt answer halted the happy-go-lucky girl in her tracks.

"Really? With whom?" she asked with an interested tone.

She looked like an excitedly curious puppy.

I knew I couldn't run away from this one.

She seemed like the type who would chase me around until I gave her a satisfying answer, so I gave up and replied to her without looking, "I happened to promise Akagi-san I would bring her there."

It was obvious that I had started a topic that I would rather never mention at all.

"Hey, hey, what's your relationship with Akagi-san anyway? Are you two going out?"

"We're...we're not."

"Now, now, don't lie to me. You guys were totally like a newlywed couple back there. Everyone knows. No need to hide it."

"I don't want everyone to know."

"It's too late, Kaga-san. You should just relax and tell me!"

"Tell you what?"

"About your relationship! Did you go on dates? Did one of you pay or you went half and half? Did you give her the hard stuff? Did you kiss?"

"That's-"

"And also about the most important thing!"

"What...?"

"How far you've gone with Akagi-san!"

My jaw instantly dropped open.

"We're not together!" I exclaimed.

"Don't keep it a secret. We're all grown women anyway. We know what adults do on bed!"

I didn't like where this conversation was going. "No, Maya-san, we didn't go that far."

"You mean _haven't_. You're one lucky girl, you realize that?"

"What are you talking about now?"

"Akagi-san is popular, you know? She's been heard to have more than one or two secret admirers. A girl like her is hard to come by. And you're the one who get to sleep with her. Even I'm jealous!" she said, her shoulders heaving with laughter.

"Don't joke about that."

Hearing my sharp response, her mouth was unexpectedly tucked into a wicked grin. She slid closer to me and cooed, "How fierce. You seem like an uncaring girl who always has her head in a book, but you're actually the protective type, aren't ya? Does that mean if I touch Akagi-san, you would punch me?"

"You can expect more than that," I gave her a look of utter disgust, "And get your hand off me."

There was something in the way she said it which convinced me she would do that just for the hell of it.

It was probably the first time in my life that I wanted to shut someone up in a headlock.

"So scary," she smirked, "And you haven't slept with her even once?"

"A lot happened. We've been distant these past few years. We have a lot to catch up to before..."

"Before you can bed her," she interrupted me with a sly smile, "Fair enough."

I frowned at her and said, "There's much more to a relationship than having sex."

Her smile grew even wider as she got too close to me for comfort. "Sure, I know that. But tell me, Kaga-san... all this time has it crossed your mind to touch her...? To help her off with her clothes...? To feel that smooth skin against yours...? Have you ever had dirty thoughts about Akagi-san...? Something that is so unfit of Kaga-san to have...? You want...no, you _hanker_ to bed her, don't you, Kaga-san...?"

I didn't know what she was aiming with all these questions.

Maybe she had ever seen me staring at Akagi in the wrong way.

But it would be a complete and utter lie if I said all those impure things she said never appeared in my head.

Even that time when Akagi unintentionally touched my nipples was enough to cause a violent reaction to burst inside my mind.

I couldn't deny the filthy thoughts that Maya suddenly reminded me.

Akagi's effect on me was as strong as back then, even with all those years when we grew apart, maybe even stronger.

Akagi...naked in the docks.

Akagi...with her wet hair and red gingham pajamas.

Akagi...suddenly groping my breasts from behind.

Akagi...with her eyes sparkling with tears when I leaned down to kiss her.

No other girl could have this effect on me, and we harmonized so naturally with each other.

I love her both mentally and physically.

I wanted her all to myself, to be touched by my hands and my hands only.

Sometimes I felt like I was being harnessed by this feeling, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

I needed her, I missed her, I wished to be by her side in all my waking moments.

And that was why I had to come back home from this war safely to heal the wounds that I left.

That meant that the entirety of my fleet, including Maya, had to play a part in assuring our security.

"...Maya-san."

Maya, who was still waiting for my answer with an eager expression on her face, looked up to me with raised eyebrows.

"Maya-san...why do you volunteer to provide the fleet with anti-air protection?"

She gaped at my unexpected question. "Why...uh...I just feel like it...? I've always liked anti-air defense."

"Is your performance..."

"No, no, I'm just average at that part. But I just like it, you know...? I don't have exceptional anti-air defense or... anything... I thought it'd be cool if I could do it ...and everyone told me I am being delusional because I'm just not that great in that area...And it really sounds like I am being greedy, wanting an upgrade like that...I mean, they've told us over and over that we are all lucky to have a roof over our heads... Um... That sounds totally lame, doesn't it...?" she fidgeted awkwardly.

"I hear what you're saying," I replied without missing a beat, "But you're wrong. And I'm fine with having you in the fleet."

She blinked at me a few times, as if she was making sure if she heard that right.

"Really? You're a fleet carrier! Shouldn't you want the best anti-air protection possible?"

"I wasn't born a carrier. I was a nearly scrapped battleship back then. I know how it feels to want to be good at something," I told her, "And if you want to be an air defense cruiser, I think that you should make a go for it. There are no hard and fast rules about this. Mutsu-san and the Admiral have left this mission in your capable hands. You might be halfway decent, and you might not be happy about your current skills, but those are not an excuse to give up your dream. You need to believe that you have it in you. Those people might think a dream like that is ridiculous, but why follow the herd? Hold your head high and ignore what those people were saying."

She stared at me open-mouthed, and her face turned into a pinkish hue.

"Um...whoa...thanks," she stuttered, "You're right. If I don't give up, I might be able to become an air defense cruiser one day! People might diss me...but what the hey!"

"No half measures," I added with a pat on her shoulder. She might be brash and loud, but I could tell she is conscientious girl at heart.

"No half measures," she agreed, her eyes glimmering, "...Gee, Kaga-san, did you know you're not bad yourself, in spite of your haughty face?"

"Eh?"

"I'll have you know, Akagi-san isn't the only one with secret admirers," she winked at me, "Go back and rest. I'll be giving you a hand with your fleet in a few hours."

It was my turn to gawk at her, but she only waved at me and left me alone in front of my designated room.

It was when I realized that I had less than an hour to prepare myself for the sortie.

_Secret admirers, huh...? _I thought, putting my bag in the corner of the room, _I guess I __used to be one myself._

_But now I know Akagi is in love with me._

The only way I could cherish it was to survive this war and return to the safe haven in her arms.

* * *

**11 August 1937**

**2nd Carrier Division departed Sasebo for China and provided escort to troop convoys.**

**14 August 1937**

**ROC (Republic of China) Air Force bombed the IJN flagship, armored cruiser Izumo.**

**In what became known as "Black Saturday", bombs from ROC Air Force aircraft accidentally fell in the Shanghai International Settlement, killing 3000 civilians.**

**Japanese planes responded to the attack on the Izumo and the ROC Air Force shot down six Japanese planes, while suffering zero losses. On 1940, the Chinese government would later announce August 14 as "Air Force Day".**

**The Chinese government then issued the Proclamation of Self-Defense and War of Resistance, explaining the government's resolve against Japanese aggression.**

**The Battle of Shanghai officially began.**

**15 August 1937**

**Kaga joined 1st Carrier Division's Ryuujou and Houshou in the East China Sea as part of 3rd Fleet, and began supporting military operations along the central China coast around Shanghai and further inland.**

**Their carrier-based aircraft, alongside the heavy-medium land-based bombers, were sent to sortie against the defending Chinese air force.**


	15. Chapter 14: Air Attack

**Chapter 14: Second Sino-Japanese War: Air Attack**

There was no time for dinner, so Akagi's bento was actually a godsend for me.

I felt bad about eating it in a hurry. But I already wasted a lot of time just admiring the onigiri she made in the shape of adorable white bunnies, with tiny strips of nori as their eyes and ears.

I needed to give proper thanks to her later.

Not long after that, I was out in the dark and cold sea with my fleet mates.

When my planes engaged enemy aircraft over the coast, I was the only one who could clearly observe the battle.

A carrier's line of sight generally merged with her planes' once they were separated from her, and I could watch the whole air battle and bombing attempts as long as not all of my planes were shot down. Strategic bombing on important facilities was nothing new for me. We had estimated that even with my reduced number of planes, we still had an advantage over the enemy. The plan that the Navy hatched up was far from a hare-brained scheme, but like Hatsuyuki had told me, war would still not tolerate any mistakes.

It wasn't hard to say that it all went smoothly at first. We didn't come across any enemy ships while sailing. The destroyers looked tense but they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Maya was openly fond of them, especially the timid ones like the redhead Mutsuki and her sister ship Mikazuki, who unlike her wears a black sailor uniform and has long dark hair. The more noisy ones, like the twin-tailed Sazanami, went on her merry way with Yuudachi's sister ship Samidare, who seemed to be so excited for this escort mission. Samidare's long straight hair waved under the sunlight, reminding me of an aircraft carrier I had left behind.

_What would become of Akagi-san and I when I return...?_

Hatsuyuki had warned me of the dangers that every fleet girl is forced to face since the day they were born.

_Is it really okay for me to let these feelings grow again...?_

_Or am I cursing myself by daring to take a step into this forbidden territory...?_

These feelings I had for Akagi were like a haunting melody; they echoed throughout my days even when I tried to ignore them, and they kept coming back night after night, coloring my dreams until my pillow was stained with tears.

Although I found her hard going at times, for me, loving her from the bottom of my heart was no less natural than breathing.

I couldn't ignore it even if I wanted to, and more than once I desperately needed her to hold my hand, although I knew what horrible fate I would get myself into if I let these feelings grow.

I could end up breaking her heart even more.

And she didn't have that much of it left...

_Why...?_

_Why am I in love with Akagi-san?_

_And why can't I stop loving her, no matter how much I forced myself to...?_

I could only assure myself that all these insecurities I had were just a hangover from the past, when so many things went wrong in my life.

I tried to put these thoughts out of my head and distract myself by watching Sazanami and Samidare playfully trying to sail while crouching on their haunches. Houshou, Ryuujou, and their fleet separated from mine as they went further north. When my fleet had reached our destination, I unleashed the planes to the land. As expected, once they reached the coast, I was alerted by the pilots of the retaliation by several enemy aircraft over the airfield.

"Can you handle that, Kaga-san?" Sazanami asked me.

"It shouldn't be a problem," I replied, closing my eyes to get a better view, "They're not outnumbered. Those excellent kids know what to do."

It was evident that I was right. It wasn't long until the enemy began to open fire at us, and my fighter pilots took it with a cool head. Decreasing the distance between them and the opponent craft, their superb maneuvering allowed them to encourage overshooting; it turned the battle to their favor. Within minutes, they managed to win the dogfight and three enemy aircraft were shot down without any loss from our side. When I was surveying the area for more enemies, switching back and forth from the view of one plane to the next, I heard Houshou's unclear voice in my ears.

"Carrier Division 2, do you copy?"

I hurriedly put my hand on my ear, adjusting the radio wave.

"We just shot down three fighters," I reported.

"Good work. We want to inform you that one of our planes spotted some bombers heading your way. We're tracking them now, but we could be wrong. They might give you a hard time."

I scratched my head, thinking of the implication of this. Even when only very few of my planes were attacking the airfield, while the rest went further inland for strategic bombing missions, it just wasn't possible for them to not notice some bombers going past my fighters to our position. There had to be some sort of mistake. Even so, the fleet girls were all alert and sailing in close formation. Protection was close at hand.

"We didn't spot any bom-"

"Kaga-san, look...!"

Samidare's panicked voice prompted me to look up and my heart sank to my stomach.

Even with my plain sight I could see the small dots high up in the sky above us.

There was no time to escape.

A few dots dived down to a lower altitude and my brain quickly tried to guess its bombing target.

An unsettling feeling welled up inside me and my eyes fell on Mikazuki, who was unfortunately distracted by the flying craft in the sky.

Words were forming in her mouth.

"Are those..."

"_Get __away from__ there...!__ !_"

"Assume anti-aircraft formation!"

Just as I tried to reach to the raven-haired destroyer, the bombs dropped and all hell broke loose.

The first nearly missed Mikazuki as terror filled her expression, and before she could move to a safe place, more bombs hit the seas around us with a massive splash. Mutsuki, who sailed not far from her, quickly realized what was happening and her high-pitched scream was like a dozen needles that scratched their way across my forehead. Amidst the vehement shouting, blaring gunshots, and burning planes vanishing beneath the combers, I made a beeline for the defenseless Mikazuki who was the unlucky target of a few persistent bombers. I could see her motions getting dangerously unstable, with all the blasts around her. The girl looked more fragile than anything in my eyes.

This moment was when I realized that my soft voice was a disadvantage in battle.

Or maybe it was my unnecessary hero complex.

"Mikazuki-san!" I hollered, extending my arm to her with all my might, "Give me your hand...!"

"Kaga-san, no...!" Maya's shrill voice cut through the clamor and explosions, "No, don't break out of the formation! Somebody stop her!"

"What? I can't hear myself think!"

"We're all having our hands full here!"

It was too late, the fleet girls who had circled me in a perfect diamond formation to protect their carrier flagship stared wide-eyed at me when I recklessly rushed toward Mikazuki like a bat out of hell. She responded to me in her panic, clinging to my chest plate when another bomb was casted down to the empty spot right next to us. The rushing shockwave that followed hard on the violent shattering nearly toppled us as the resulting high arches of water came splashing down onto our heads.

I could taste the salt in my mouth when Maya yelled out a signal for the rest of the fleet to fire simultaneously at the remaining planes over us.

I heard the final noise of an engine when the last of the planes crashed into the sea.

After a few moments of peace, my breathing started coming back to normal. Mikazuki's trembling body was still safe in my protection, although her sleeves were torn and the armaments on her back were only held on by a single strap on her shoulder. The girl kept sending anxious looks to her fellow destroyers, as if she felt like she had done a grave mistake by staying in my embrace like that moment, all eyes were on us.

I cursed inwardly. I had totally got that coming to me.

I didn't injure myself, but I wished I had used my head before I acted.

Mutsuki was the first to break the awkward silence.

"Mikazuki-chan...!"

When Mikazuki heard her voice, she yanked herself away from me and directly threw herself to Mutsuki's arms.

"Thank you...Kaga-san," they both intoned nervously.

"Carrier Division 1? This is Carrier Division 2," Maya reported through the radio with her hand on her ear, "Things went a _little_ bit haywire, but everything is completely under control. Nobody is damaged, there're absolutely no injuries that would require a long time to heal up. ...All hands on deck? _No_. Are you looking down on us? ...Of course, since it happens that the fleet have me, Maya-sama, as their cruiser to stop those planes from wreaking havoc. You have to see it first hand to get it!...Ryuujou, if you keep talking like that I'll hang you up on the naval yard flagpole. Yes, I'm saying you're short. ...What did you just say about Choukai, you flat top! ? Wait until I lay my hands on you!"

As Maya continued her quarrel with Ryuujou, I turned to Mutsuki and Mikazuki to give them a stern warning. "Next time, you have to be more careful."

Their reaction was a bit different from what I expected. Mutsuki immediately hid herself behind Mikazuki's back, her face almost as red as her hair. Meanwhile, Mikazuki regarded me with a calm, formal manner that hardly reflected how vulnerable she looked before.

"Kaga-san...I'm sorry that I was careless just now and became a burden to you, I promise I will become a better escort."

Her confident tone surprised me a little.

"Yeah, that's the spirit, Mikazuki!" Sazanami piped in, "Kaga-san! Mikazuki was aiming to become a carrier escort! She's very hard-working, she's already considered to become one! So it might be a good thing that she learnt about air attacks...uh, the hard way."

"So I've heard," Samidare popped up beside her and said innocently, "Why is everyone aiming to become a carrier escort? It sounds boring."

"Well, it might be a fad of old destroyers."

"Does that mean you're old?"

"Rude! I'm only four years older than you, Samidare! And what have you got against being carrier escorts anyway?"

"May I interrupt, please?" Maya stood between them and separated the two destroyers, "The troops had all landed safely, we can go back when Kaga-san's planes have returned. And Kaga-san...?"

"Yes?"

"We need to talk. About...strategy...uh, fleet...and what have you."

I instantly knew what she wanted to discuss.

Swallowing hard, I followed Maya back to our base, and she didn't look at me once as she sailed at the head of the fleet. When we arrived, she didn't even wait for us to get our armaments off before pulling me to the side and having me sit on an empty pier.

She snatched my bow and tried to lift it with her hands.

"Damn, this thing looks like it's made of bamboo, but it's heavy as heck."

I saw her struggling with it and breathed out, "Can I have that back? You're going to drop it in the water at this rate."

"Not until I finish this talk," she said sternly, "Kaga-san, mention at least three things that you did wrong just now."

My brows furrowed. On the one hand, I was aware that I deserved a warning, but on the other, I didn't particularly enjoy being scolded. I knew that if I tried to run, Maya would hitch me to that pier until I agreed to sit down and talk.

"Can't we just..."

"No," she interjected, and her accusing glare caused me to look down in shame. It's no fun arguing with someone when they're like a bear with a sore head.

"...I was careless..."

"That's one."

"...I endangered myself and almost wasted everyone's efforts to protect their flagship..."

"That's two."

"...And I could've gotten everyone in trouble because of it..."

She took a deep breath in front of me, heralding her stream of rebuke.

"It's time for you to learn a few home truths. You were uninjured because despite the situation, most of your escorts were on hand. If we measure your worth from the number of planes you hold, the quality of your pilots, and your recent reconstruction, you're easily the head of all aircraft carriers right now. Did you understand how much punishment everyone would get if you were damaged in such a simple mission? Have a heart! When those destroyers found out they were going to be given a task to escort you, the squeaky clean, freshly-modernized standard carrier capable of hauling the most planes a ship could ever carry, they became more anxious and tense than ever, but they still threw themselves heart and soul to the job. I wish you could take the hint and keep yourself safe until the responsibility was out of their hands, but noooo, you had to go and throw yourself under a rain of bombs flashing a sign saying 'I'm the flagship, please murder me!'. It just so happened that those bombers didn't have the capacity to sink you, but imagine that they did. You heard them earlier...Mikazuki would forever lose her dream to become a carrier escort. And what would we say to Akagi-san, who was probably hanging your pictures on her wall at this very moment, or waiting for you to come home in the heat of the day, then only hearing about your death third hand?"

The more I watched her nearly jumping up and down in her anger, the more I felt disgusted by my own actions. When Akagi's name was mentioned, I could envision her crying over my corpse and my stomach gave a nauseating twitch.

_And that is if there is a corpse to cry over._

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about that," I regretted, "I was just helping Mikazuki-san. I couldn't stand just doing nothing there and being protected."

"Well, my heart bleeds for you," she leaned closer and coldly lowered her tone, "That is why I need to talk to you in private. As I have said, you're an invaluable aircraft carrier. When we're escorting you, your safety is our top priority, and that means we are ready to sacrifice ourselves if it's necessary to achieve our goal."

I couldn't believe what I just heard.

"Are you implying that... I was supposed to let those bombs hit Mikazuki-san...?"

"She also has the obligation to protect you! You're an important ship, while destroyers..."

"That happens to be our comrade you're talking about!" I said, disbelief was clear in my every word, "This is not right, Maya-san, I thought you are..."

"I know what I'm talking about!" she raised her voice, "Destroyers...they all live their lives knowing that they are at the bottom of the heap...that they are replaceable... every single one of them! But you, Kaga-san, although the Navy treat us the same way it's no secret that they have invested so much in you. Many of us believe our victory in this war hangs on the survival of you, high-performance carriers. It's worth it to give up some ships' lives to save yours. And you have to start to understand that. You have to! Do you hear me?"

I remembered when the enemy planes were already destroyed and I looked at Mikazuki's face, there was no hint of relief there.

There was only trepidation in that pair of pupils.

She must have feared that she had become a hindrance to the fleet.

She must have feared that she got me damaged in my attempt to rescue her.

She must have feared that she was considered a worthless destroyer.

Just what kind of punishment was waiting in store for them...?

Was it worse than how the Navy had punished Akagi back then...?

However, the mere idea that I had to abandon the lives of my escorts to save my own hide was extremely sickening.

I had always been working hard toward becoming a better carrier.

But not...not like this.

_I don't want to be this kind of flagship._

_I don't want to be an "invaluable" ship._

_I don't want to stand around and watch my friends dying around me...!_

"Please understand... You are not an average ship anymore, Kaga-san," Maya went on, "Please understand that we cannot let you endanger yourself to save others. Protecting your comrades is a great strategy, but it doesn't hold good in this case."

"I don't want this," I protested, "If they protect me, then I have an obligation to protect them too."

"I can't make head nor tail of how you can be so selfish and selfless at the same time."

I heaved a long sigh. "I can't do this, Maya-san..."

"I know it's hard... I'm telling you this now so you have time to think about it," she crouched down and put her hand on my shoulder, "Besides, even if you don't protect Mikazuki, I know you would be willing take on anything high-risk to protect that one certain fleet girl from harm, and trying to stop you from doing it would be like banging my head against a brick wall."

"That..." I hung back and returned Maya's sad gaze, "...I cannot deny."

Her lips turned up at the ends to form a small smile.

"You can be a handful, but Akagi-san is so lucky to have you," she stood back and handed my bow to me, "And sorry for yelling at you earlier. No hard feelings, okay?"

I only nodded, as there was a large lump in my throat after that conversation.

If Akagi is in danger similar to what Mikazuki faced back then, there is no doubt in my mind that I will try to protect her in any way I can.

_"I __can't make head nor tail of__ how you can be so selfish and selfless at the same time..."_

_No..._

_You are wrong, Maya-san..._

_If it involves Akagi-san, there is absolutely no selflessness there..._

_Just cowardice._

_I hope with all my heart that she could survive the war, because I could no longer imagine a life without her._

_I would give my life to her, because a life without Akagi-san scares me more than anything._

_I would be hard pressed to keep going._

_It would be far better for me to sink in the high-water mark of the Navy's power, instead of surviving until the end and watching Akagi-san die._

_And it just shows how much of a selfish weakling I truly am, no matter how strong I am as a carrier._

_Because I'd rather leave Akagi-san forever... than being left forever by Akagi-san._

* * *

**16 August 1937**

**Kaga's fighter planes fought their first battle in the Second Sino-Japanese War over Kiangwan (now Jiangwan). The Type 90 fighters succeeded in shooting down the Chinese's Vought V-65 and Douglas O-38 without loss.**


	16. Chapter 15: Judgment

**Chapter 15: Second Sino-Japanese War: Judgment**

Not even three days had passed since then when I made another huge blunder.

When an aerial bombing mission over a city was issued, the planes who would play the most important part were the bombers. If we were able to catch the enemy off guard, my bombers would fly in, wreak havoc and come back to me unscathed. If the enemy had enough time to respond to the attack with fighters, it would become an entirely different story. This was why bombers were generally protected by fighters.

Continuing the strategic bombing operations from before, in an attempt to attack one of the big cities, I made a mistake by sending my bombers without fighter escorts. The foe's fighters wasted no time in massacring them, and out of the twelve bombers that were sent to enemy lines, only one returned.

The Admiral sat at the head of the table while I was given an angry lecture for an hour or so. There were only a handful of people in that room aside from us, namely two of my escorts for that mission, Murasame and Oboro, who made an uncomfortable wince every few loud words. The two were unluckily told to stay there after they offered to accompany me to the Admiral's room.

"...I understand there is a miscommunication that the city is unprotected by fighters, but you are an experienced carrier, Kaga. I expect more from you than this. I don't have the detailed report on hand, but the number of bauxite you wasted for this operation is disappointing," the Admiral reprimanded, grabbing at the files strewn higgledy-piggledy on the table.

I didn't really have any words to say.

The possibility of a heavy punishment had been hanging over me the whole I time I stood in the room, even before I got back to the headquarters.

I was ready to accept any punishment.

Surely it would be something scarring, worthy of emotional trauma, full of unbearable pain or-

"We highly value the service that you have provided so far for the Navy, and your performance does stand head and shoulders above the rest, but we're not going to give any mercy to the ships that are needlessly heavy on precious resources like bauxite. Be prepared to do your job without rest to make up for this. I want your fleet to hand in the completed paperwork today. You're dismissed."

Murasame and Oboro looked so relieved, but as they threw a hopeful glance at me, I didn't make even the slightest hint of movement.

_This can't be true._

Akagi had her features disfigured after she recklessly caused her refit to be delayed, making the Navy spend a lot of money to fix her.

After that awful mistake I made, there was supposed to be at least some dreadful repercussions.

"...why are you still standing there?" The Admiral asked furiously.

"That's it...?" I said, clenching my hands, "That's all I get...?"

"What...?"

"Why is that all the punishment that I get?"

"Kaga-san..." Murasame's long twin-tails waved as her eyes went back and forth from my blank face to the Admiral's contorted one. Meanwhile, the short-haired Oboro only watched us in complete cluelessness, her hand scratching the bandaid on her cheek.

"You want me to order you to hand in your letter of resignation or something? I wish I could, but sadly, that's not possible for you fleet girls. It's the same as scrapping you, and we can't grant you that unless it is actually necessary for us to scrap you."

"This is unbelievable." My tone was as calm as ever, but deep inside my blood was boiling.

"Kaga-san," even Oboro looked panicked now, and Murasame was tugging at my sleeve, silently begging me to stop speaking.

"Why is this all the punishment I receive? I have seen what the Navy had done to Akagi-san, and she wasn't attempting any misguided action in battle."

"That was a different matter. The infliction of that penalty to Akagi was intended to control her resistance to authority before she was even sent to war. Besides, it was made as to not hinder her abilities in battle. As the first standard carrier, she ought to know that a history of defiance is-"

"Why do the Navy treat it like a light retribution? It completely traumatized her. You are-"

"Because it _is_ a light retribution," the Admiral's voice raised dangerously, "Nothing aside from her appearance was altered, which was far from a fitting punishment if you ask me. You will regret saying all this to me, Kaga. Your penalty is not to be taken lightly. Compared to yours, Akagi's would only be like child's play."

"...no," I insisted, still feeling that Akagi was hard done by, "This is not fair to Akagi-san. You have to hand me over to-"

"Enough!" the Admiral stood up so suddenly that Murasame and Oboro flinched in fright, "If you want to be disciplined so badly, then I know _just_ the right sanction we should impose on you. Being given the same punishment as Akagi wouldn't destroy you, but I know what would! From today onwards you are _absolutely_ not allowed to make any kind of contact with Aircraft Carrier Akagi until further notice. You are banned from using the phone, mail service, or any form of communication available. Anyone who tries to pass your message to her will be severely punished. That will teach you some manners. And if you still won't do _some_ introspection, we will consider cutting off more of your rights. Maybe we could forbid you from meeting her outside of sorties, _for the rest of your life. _Don't you blame me for taking a hard line on this. Keep talking back to me, but on your own head be it. Now get out of here before I change my mind...!"

With trembling hands, Murasame and Oboro grabbed my arms and tugged me out of the room, shutting the door behind them as fast as they could.

They simultaneously let out a huge sigh of relief once we were a safe distance away from the room.

"Damn, that was wild. I thought we're going to be hanged for a second there."

When Murasame saw how rigid I became, she nervously added, "Um...cheer up, Kaga-san! My heart goes out to you. You don't have to look so sad, you know...these things happen. They'll lift up the ban soon."

Oboro frowned at her. "Uh, I think you shouldn't give her ideas...the Admiral looks very angry."

"The Admiral would get over it."

"Let's not talk about the high-ranking officials in their hearing... They have eyes on the back of their heads."

"Maybe I should've said something just now."

"What in heaven's name are you talking about? Our task is just to listen, swallow it all with a smile, give them a salute and walk out of the room. Or else we would never hear the end of it."

"Um...I just want to cheer Kaga-san up. She seems to take it hard..."

"Of course she does! Since Akagi-san and Kaga-san..."

"What's with Akagi-san and Kaga-san...?"

"You didn't know...? Those two are..."

"Eh..? Kaga-san...! !"

I couldn't listen to them any longer.

The head of steam that was built in my mind powered the uncontrollable springs in my step, desperately leading me to a quiet place where nobody was around.

Voices followed me in my blind dash out of the building, while I ignored the curious stares from all around me.

_"__Being given the same punishment as Akagi wouldn't destroy you, but I know what would__...!"_

_Akagi-san..._

_"Kaga-san, I look forward to hearing from you..."_

_Akagi-san..._

_"Maybe we could forbid you from meeting her outside of sorties, _for the rest of your life_."_

_Akagi-san...!_

_"I love Kaga-san...and all her love for me too..."_

_"I love you..."_

_"Happiness like yours is temporary..."_

_"That is just the reality of our lives as fleet girls..."_

My feet wouldn't stop until they naturally brought me to the pier.

The sea.

The true home of every fleet girl.

The origin of our souls, and our final resting place.

I stumbled and my knees hit the hard rough wood, my body covered in sweat from head to foot.

_What if I cannot see Akagi-san forever...?_

I used to evade her once, but now that idea absolutely terrified me.

If you think they could not enforce such a rule, you are wrong.

They could and would do anything to take total control of us fleet girls.

They knew what would make us weak. They knew what would make us strong.

A few fuel drums were stacked in heaps near the pier, so I crawled to those containers and leant my back against them, hiding myself from the world.

I curled into a ball and buried my face in my arms, releasing all the tears I held back in the Admiral's room.

_I don't want to be here._

_I don't want to go to war._

_I want to go home._

_I miss Akagi-san._

_I wish she were here, petting my head and telling me that everything is going to be okay._

_If...if I cannot meet Akagi-san ever again..._

_I would... I would..._

Then I hit on it... the solution.

I wouldn't let that happen.

I wouldn't...give them mercy.

I would give a performance so outstanding... that they would have no choice but to lift my punishment and end the war.

No one... would be able to escape my planes.

I would not hesitate anymore.

I would not try to keep my head down anymore.

I would return to my country with a victory, and get my hard-won freedom.

I would tear down everything...buildings, railways, roads, bridges, airfields, vehicles...

And even humans.

I wouldn't spare a life.

It was what I was supposed to do from the beginning anyway.

Become the most efficient murder machine on both water and air.

That was how much I would sacrifice for this madness.

At that time, I didn't realize how much this insane decision would be in over my head.

And I should have.

* * *

_"Did you hear about the 28th August bombing__...__?"_

_"Man, I heard that was intense."_

_"Those air attacks destroyed everything."_

_"That hard-nosed standard carrier...she's truly merciless."_

_"Did she have a change of heart?"_

_"I heard they weren't troops after all... but war refugees."_

_"The__ ground was soaked with blood__.__"_

_"There were limbs laying all over the place__."_

_"What's her latest headcount...?"_

_"__Let's hear it for our amazing standard __carrier__!__"_

_"Here's to an absolute victory...!"_

_"Did you know what the Navy was saying about you, Kaga...?"_

_"_You did a great job_."_

* * *

Ever since then, my reputation as an emotionless, cold-blooded mass murderer grew.

Any efforts to head me off failed, and the few ships who were hard at our heels were sunk. The atrocities I committed in my rampage never stopped leaving a trail of dead bodies and bombed-out ruins in my wake. Once I got the hang of it, total annihilation wasn't any stranger than launching a carrier-based plane. And when my planes had gone on a bombing mission, there was no holding them.

However, the more I killed humans with these hands, the more my sleep was disrupted by their shrieks of horror.

I couldn't remember most of them off the top of my head, but there was one night that particularly stuck in my memory, and it felt so real that I momentarily forgot I was dreaming.

I was standing on a beach that I had never been in, where I caught sight of the blackest sea I had seen and stones the size of a fist heaping up here and there on the sand. All around me were people, their clothes were ragged and covered in ashes, the wounds on their arms were still bleeding as they jostled one another to reach and pull on my clothes.

_"My __wife__...please, please save my __wife__...! She's heavily pregnant...!"_

_"I only found...__my neighbor's__ body...__have you seen my children...? Please tell me you've seen them...!"_

_"My __students__...they were buried __under the rubble__...__they were crying...they couldn't breathe...__!"_

_"I saw that plane...dropping a bomb on my __mother__...I couldn't save __her__...!"_

_"I can't find my brother...please, he's my only brother...!"_

_"Please...!"_

_"Please help us...!"_

Those bloodshot, soulless eyes terrified me, but when I tried to shake them away, they were already all over my arms. Those eyeballs were all brimming with dark tears.

_"Who..."_

_"Who did this to us...?"_

_"Who could be so...heartless to do this to us...?"_

_"Don't they have family too...?"_

_"Don't they have friends too...?"_

_"Don't they have lovers too...?"_

_"Tell us."_

_"Tell us who did this to us...!"_

Their ear-piercing screams gave me a splitting headache, but before I could cover my ears, the movements around me suddenly decreased.

The worn-out people looked at each other and started discussing something among themselves.

_"Didn't you know...? This girl is a carrier."_

_"A carrier...because she's the one who carried those planes."_

_"I saw her launching an aircraft...! Cross my heart...!"_

_"She's the one who brought those abominations to our land...!"_

_"She's the one who slaughtered our parents and children...she's the one who turned our cities to dust...!"_

_"She's the demon that terrorizes our country...!"_

_"What have you done?"_

_"What have you done, you carrier?"_

_"Did you know how much you would pay for this...?"_

_"Did you know how it feels to watch your family die in front of your eyes?"_

_"Or you have already become such a ruthless demon, that you don't have a single drop of blood that flows inside you?"_

"No," I responded without thinking, "I'm not...a demon...I'm still..."

But their voices only grew even louder.

_"Who could love a demon like you? !"_

_"A devil doesn't deserve a loved one."_

_"You should get the hell out of our country."_

_"Pay...make her pay..."_

_"Make her pay."_

_"Make her pay for her sins."_

_"Take her loved ones, burn them alive, sink them to the sea."_

_"Make her pay."_

_"Make her pay."_

_"Make her suffer."_

_"Make her suffer the same things we did."_

_"Make her cry in pain!"_

_"Make her suffer so much pain, she would have no choice but to kill herself...!"_

The tension heightened when the crowd finally began to disperse and I suddenly realized they were hiding something from me all along.

A woman was crouching down on the ground, her hands were tied up between her back and her head was covered in a sack.

The people around her kicked and spitted on her, before a hulking bald-headed man came forward. He was the only one among them who was heavily armed and wearing a military uniform. He drew his gun and roughly yanked the sack off her head.

I had always wanted to see her in a dream.

But not...not like this.

I recognized the bruises on her cheek as she gave me a forlorn gaze beneath that veil of dirty, long hair over her face.

It had been so long since I last saw her...

She parted her lips and mouthed my name, but nothing came out.

"Kaga-san..."

_"That's the girl."_

_"Make her pay."_

_"Take her loved ones, spill their blood."_

_"Kill the girl, mutilate her."_

_"Make her suffer our pain."_

_"One day...you will pay."_

_"We will make you pay."_

The crowd hissed at me and began to gather the stones on the sand as I struggled to stand upright.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to rush forward and hug Akagi, but I couldn't move a muscle.

I could only maintain eye contact with her, and never once did her beautiful eyes leave my face until those people faced her and raised their arms, all with a stone in their hands.

My heart sank when I realized those weren't stones they were holding.

Those were grenades.

_No..._

_No..._

_Don't hurt her..._

_Don't hurt her, please..._

_Please...please...I'll do anything..._

_I'm sorry...I'm really sorry..._

_Please don't..._

_She is my last hope..._

_She's all that I have..._

_"And you think the people that you have blown apart __we__re not the only ones we ha__d__ left...?" _the bald man spoke to me with intense hatred in his every word.

_"We know..."_

_"We know what would destroy you."_

No matter how hard I willed my feet to move, they would not obey me.

I watched the scene that unfolded before me as those high-strung people simultaneously released their grenades toward Akagi.

Just before they hit her, I let out a screech so inhumane, that I could not recognize my own voice at all.

That was when the shock jerked me out of the nightmare, causing my head to hit the bottom of the bed frame above me.

My roommate, who was sleeping above me, woke up because of it and quickly looked down to me with concern.

"Kaga-san...what's wrong...?"

I couldn't reply to her...my whole body looked like I just fell into a swimming pool, and my shoulders were trembling violently.

Ushio took this sight as something urgent and she quickly went down her bed to kneel beside me.

"Kaga-san, are you okay...?"

The only response I could think of was to heave myself and hug her.

I could see her eyes widen as I wrapped my arms around her small waist, trying my hardest to control my shaking arms.

If I were in any other mental state, I would be at least hesitant about holding her out of the blue.

Goodness knew how much longer I could last...but I had to, come hell or high water.

Then Ushio's tiny voice came out next to my ear, "...You look so pale that I thought you just saw a ghost... Did you have a bad dream...?"

It took me a long while before I could answer her with an audible voice, "...yes..."

The girl gently put her hand on my head and patted me with a soothing motion.

"...it's just a bad dream," she said to me, "Just a bad dream."

"Yeah..." I croaked back, sweat dripping down to my eyes before mixing with tears.

"...just a bad dream."

* * *

**17 August 1937**

**12 of Kaga's bombers attacked Hangchow (now Hangzhou) without fighter escort and 11 of them were shot down by Chinese fighters.**

**28 August 1937**

**16 IJN aircraft appeared, circled, and bombed war refugees at Shanghai's South Station, killing and wounding civilians waiting for an overdue train bound for Hangzhou to the south. Some 1800 people, mostly women and children, had been waiting at the station, and the IJN aviators probably mistook them for a troop movement. According to the Shanghai paper, fewer than 300 people survived the attack. In October, Life magazine reported about 200 dead. The aftermath of the bombing was captured in a photograph named "Bloody Saturday", one of the most memorable war photographs ever published that would become a cultural icon demonstrating Japanese wartime atrocities in China.**


	17. Chapter 16: Bloody Saturday

**Chapter 16: Second Sino-Japanese War: Bloody Saturday**

_"Have you ever thought about the day you could hang up your bow...?"_

_"Why would I think about that...?"_

_"I don't know...maybe one day we can have peace...?"_

_"We live to fight in a war. If there's only peace, then we'__ll__ just __become__ useless."_

_"Maybe it's better that way."_

_"Becoming useless?"_

_"Maybe we can retire and write a book with hard-edged realism or something.__ 'We are the product of science with a human face, risking our necks for the good of the people, without being recognized as people.' How 'bout that?"_

_"You know that's not possible."_

_"...yeah, that means we're scrapped."_

_"Yes. No war means no future for us."_

_"If we are not sold or scrapped, the common herd would abandon us to a hardscrabble life.__ Whatever it is, there will be the devil to pay."_

_"Kind of makes you think that you'd be better off dying in battle, huh...?"_

_"Fleet girls are just weapons. We have no future. Anyone who thinks otherwise is nothing but a mad woman."_

* * *

_"Kill her...!"_

_"Mutilate her...!"_

_"A demon doesn't deserve a loved one."_

_"One day...you will pay."_

_"We will make you pay."_

One month later, the voices in my dreams never ceased to exist.

They often disrupted my sleep, and whenever I saw Akagi there, it was never a pleasant scene.

Needless to say, with how the Navy cut all my contacts with Akagi, the nightmares rapidly deteriorated my stamina as they fried my brain almost every night.

Being hemmed by all these restrictions and stress, I became even more silent and impatient than usual, and although I could still hold up under the pressure, a lot of fleet girls became afraid of me as a result. They looked at me like I was a fleet mate from hell.

I couldn't blame them.

The war was taking its toll on them too.

However, many were genuinely worried about me.

Both Ryuujou and Houshou were too busy with their own division to look after me, but I knew they cared. They once came to ask for handy hints on their missions, but it only felt like an excuse to interrogate me on my wellbeing.

Hatsuyuki suddenly dumped her share of scrambled eggs on my plate without saying a word one morning. Fubuki, Shirayuki, and the other fleet girls followed suit while telling me to help myself, and soon I was left confused on my seat with more heaping plates of scrambled eggs than I could possibly stuff in my stomach, and I was speaking as a standard carrier here.

One day when I refused to eat at all, Nachi and Mikazuki suddenly came to my room in the middle of the night with some leftover food that they heated up for me.

One time I was awoken by a nightmare and couldn't sleep again, so I took a walk on the beach and ran into Samidare, Murasame, and Oboro, who were testing their headlights around the waters. I told them they didn't need to pay attention to me there, but they wouldn't hear of it. They sat next to me at the beach, chatting casually while playing with their headlights to scare off some small animals as the waves came crashing to the rocks around us. When the sun rose, they hiked up their skirts and waded into the sea, playfully splashing water to each other. By the end of it all, I found myself smiling.

It did my heart good to receive these little things my comrades gave me.

However, I never fully recovered from the whole ordeal.

And it was proven on one certain morning in the middle of September.

After being woken up by yet another nightmare, I spent the first few hours of that day hiding from everyone else on the beach, since there wasn't any other place to escape hereabouts.

I knew I would lack the energy that was required to sortie by skipping breakfast, but what the heck.

I was feeling more nauseous than ever, and I didn't really want to puke in front of everyone in the mess hall. Right now my priority was avoiding the places that were heaving with people.

After the sea breeze made me feel a little better and I realized how uncomfortable it was to be away from the heater, I hauled myself back to the base.

My stomach also started to bug me, so I headed to the mess hall to get something to eat. I walked past the phone room on my way there.

I hated how I had to look at this room everyday.

That phone was so close by, but I was not allowed to touch it.

It was why I usually walked as fast as I could when I was anywhere near it.

But today, a distressed voice from the room actually attracted my attention.

"No, Tenryuu-san, I'm not going to hang up on you," the voice said, "And no...becoming the secretary ship doesn't mean that everyone would suddenly treat you like some kind of village headman or...uh, they did...?"

Hearing Tenryuu's name being mentioned, I peeked into the room out of curiosity and saw a glimpse of long brown hair.

"I cannot possibly help you in doing your secretary work from here..." she continued, "Wait, wait, I want to help, but...I'm in the middle of a war, Tenryuu-san...!"

She kept trying to convince Tenryuu afterward, although it seemed to be unsuccessful.

I heard her ending the call, mumbling a word of thanks to the staff in the room, and scurried outside.

She nearly bumped into me on her way out.

"Ah, I'm really sorry...!"

"It's alright, um..." As usual, I needed a bit time to remember the name of the girls around the base, "...Jintsuu-san, isn't it?"

"Y-yes...! I'm Jintsuu...!"

"Did something happen with Tenryuu-san...?"

She nervously fiddled with her black gloves. "Uh...no...it's just...I used to be the secretary ship of the light cruiser base before I was sent here and Tenryuu-san was chosen as my replacement. She's...um...not really used to it so she keeps asking me for advice. She doesn't seem quite herself..."

Judging from Tenryuu's social skills, I think she's not exactly fit for that kind of job.

"Um...what are you doing here, Kaga-san...? I thought lunch time is already over..."

"Oh..." I blinked stupidly, "It's lunch already...?"

"Ka..." Jintsuu stared at me in amazement before letting out a chuckle, "Kaga-san...you're so funny. This is unexpected..."

"What's unexpected?" I raised an eyebrow.

I noticed there was a certain hesitancy in her voice. "Well...you gave an impression of a cold, unforgiving fleet girl. I just didn't think you have a rather silly side..."

That made my face burn. "Um...this...this is just the way I am."

Jintsuu flashed me a sweet smile that would make any girls' heart flutter.

"I'm glad... I'm so relieved...!"

What the...what did she look so happy about this...?

I guessed my confusion showed on her face because she added in a hurry, "Ah, it's just...I heard...disturbing rumors about you...that you have lost all morality and have completely become a machine or... anyway, I'm so glad that...it's all hearsay and... you're still...very much like us..."

I nearly stopped breathing.

_"I heard disturbing rumors that you have lost all morality."_

Even in the eyes of other fleet girls, I was already much less of a human compared to them.

It was obvious, from the devastation that I had mercilessly brought to countless people.

_A monster._

_A demon._

_"A demon doesn't deserve a loved one."_

"I was just..."

Jintsuu's face fell when she heard my shaky voice.

"I was just doing my job..."

_Doing your job...?_

_Have you ever hesitated about killing those people...?_

"Kaga-san...are you okay...?"

I didn't even notice Jintsuu holding my hand.

"Kaga-san..?"

Her concerned voice became distorted in my mind to that of someone else's.

_Akagi-san..._

_Akagi-_

"Wait, where are you going? ?"

My nausea came hitting me back like a punch to my gut.

I wasn't able to think as I walked fast to the opposite direction before Jintsuu realized just how bad this was making me.

But the long-haired brunette didn't stop following me until we nearly bumped into a crowd of fleet girls in the middle of a hallway.

"Kaga-san...?"

A different voice that called my name caused me to look up.

It was Abukuma, holding a black-and-white photograph while being surrounded by several fleet girls holding newspapers and radios, who were having a heated discussion among themselves.

A shiver ran down my spine.

Meeting this many fleet girls was the last thing I needed right now.

When I didn't respond, Jintsuu hurriedly greeted her, "Abukuma-san, good afternoon."

"Good afternoon, Jintsuu-san. Have you heard the news...?"

"The...the news...?" Jintsuu repeated, throwing a worried look toward me.

Even with a single glance I could tell the feelings were running high in that place.

"Look at how they painted us, so disgusting..."

"Can anyone read this for me...? I don't get the language..."

"Isn't this just obvious high-flown propaganda? The picture might be fake."

"It was on TV! They also published it in several newspapers."

"Still...what a pitiable sight."

"What's going on?" I asked, and my voice cut through the intense atmosphere like a knife.

The fleet girls immediately grew silent, and they exchanged glances when I walked closer to Abukuma to get a better look of the picture.

The situation turned heavy soon afterward.

"What is this...?"

"Um...it's..."

When Abukuma kept struggling with her words, Yuudachi decided to pipe in, "Kaga-san, remember when your aircraft bombed that railroad station on 28th August, poi...?"

"Yes...?"

"Someone took this picture of that time and it has been gathering waves of sympathy for the enemy," Shikinami took the photo from Abukuma's hands and handed it to me, "They've been calling us cruel murderers, butchers, babykillers... This image has given us unbelievable amount of hatred. The uproar got donations and support flowing to the enemy, and I guessed it made a lot of humans think... we're the barbarous monsters they have to slay no matter what."

It was a picture of a crying and badly burned baby sitting on the platform of the destroyed, bombed-out ruins of the railroad station. The horrifying background was nothing but utter tragedy and catastrophe, the result of an assault so thorough that the station could no longer be recognized from the image. At the time this photo was taken, the bombers were probably still there, flying overhead of the baby after finishing their gruesome work.

_My_ bombers.

"Did you know what this picture is called...Kaga-san?" Murakumo asked, "It's called 'The Bloody Saturday'. Neat, isn't it...?"

As I stared at the searing picture, the fleet girls started whispering around me.

"Bloody Saturday..."

"The baby's mother is dead...?"

"They said they found her lying dead next to the baby..."

"Poor thing..."

"Bullshit...! This image is staged...!"

"It looks like a poor attempt to tug at some people's heartstrings."

"Aren't they just hypocrites? They aren't any better."

"Kaga-san...your bombers attacked this place, right...?"

"What do you think...?"

"Kaga-san...?"

Their eyes were observing me with great interest, and childlike curiosity, which caused my heart to fly out of my body.

Jintsuu quickly noticed I wasn't acting normally.

She held to my arms and started shaking me. "Kaga-san...? Kaga-san...?"

"She's...don't you think she's rather pale...?" Haguro muttered.

"Is she alright...?"

"Why is she not replying...?"

"Did she suddenly become hearing-impaired...?"

"Kaga-san...!"

"_Kaga-san_...!"

The last thing I remembered was Abukuma screaming my name before my mind collapsed into complete darkness.

* * *

It was ironic that the most stoic fleet girl in the whole naval base was the one who was the most unsuitable for this job...

_"Kaga-san...you're so kind..."_

Kind... and foolish...

I would be better off as a normal human girl, doing normal human things, graduating school and getting into a relationship made from heaven.

Not...not like this.

Not a life filled with worry, regret, and fear.

Not a life where a girl was so hellbent on killing every single last person in a foreign country just so she could end a war.

Somebody from the Navy should probably cut my head open and study my brain.

They would probably found a few discoveries that could make history.

"...is she still unconscious...?"

"You could carry her...? Whoa, just how heavy is she...?"

"She's been eating less these days...probably because...you know..."

I slightly opened my eyes and found the underside of a bunk bed.

I was back in my room again, and several fleet girls were standing near me, talking about me in audible whispers.

...couldn't they at least do it when they were out of my hearing...?

"Girls...please."

From Jintsuu's firm voice, I could comprehend that she was the closest to me, probably right next to my bed.

"If you are done...could you please kindly leave the room for now...? You have patrol duties, don't you...?"

"Oh yes, Jintsuu-san," Ayanami replied to her, "Do tell us when she wakes up."

"Thanks, Jintsuu-san."

I heard the creak of the door being closed and for a while, there was only silence in the room.

I didn't really feel like talking with Jintsuu.

I wished she would leave too.

"Kaga-san...? Do you need a...?"

Looking at her perturbed expression as she pulled out a tissue paper, I realized my face was covered in tears.

I must have had another nightmare I didn't remember.

"No..." I mumbled when she tried to wipe my cheeks, "...No, I don't..."

"But your face..."

"I need some time alone...please..."

"I see..." she sat back awkwardly, but she still didn't leave, "...can I...at least tell you something...?"

I sighed. She'd better make it quick.

"What is it...?"

"If this happens because of Bloody Saturday...I think you need to do something about it."

There was something in her tone that ticked me off.

"What do you know about that..?" I said rudely, "You never know how it feels to kill a person-"

"I have," she told me calmly, "I have killed someone. Even before I went to battle."

I gaped at her and she only quietly gazed at me for several seconds.

"You have...?"

"I sank a destroyer during practice," she admitted, "A young, defenseless destroyer. It was an accident, purely an accident, but at that moment my life was ruined before my eyes. I was an inexperienced light cruiser, and my teammate was my first kill. I was so devastated, I nearly committed suicide."

Hearing her recounting such a dark story with a flat tone made me absolutely speechless.

Even so, Jintsuu paid no heed to my obvious surprise.

"All of us are the same, Kaga-san. We all have killed people. You, me, the destroyers outside. It's complicated that we still feel _something_ for those people we killed, no matter how much we hate them or how much they tried to sink us... but we're doing the same thing as them: trying to survive. Even humans can see others of their kind as subhumans. Heartless, isn't it...? Our whole existence."

"We will not be forgiven," I clenched my blanket, "We will pay for this someday."

"I know...But thanks to you, Kaga-san...we've successfully captured many cities...and we could never have done it without you, our amazing high-grade standard carrier," she gave me a slight bow, "You might have caused the deaths of many...but you have gone high and low to save our comrades, you have saved us, fleet girls...we see you take the blame and suffer everyday for our victory...and for that, we don't know how we can ever repay you..."

...Had I...really done that much for my comrades...?

Then...those little things my friends did for me...

Were they all...trying to...

"I-it's not just me... Houshou-san and Ryuujou-san also..."

"That is why..." she continued while lowering her voice, "Right now, Ushio, Akebono, and Sazanami of Destroyer Division 7, Ashigara of Cruiser Division 16, Yura of Submarine Squadron 5, and many other fleet girls are out doing patrol duties. They are going to work together to try a new method that's devised by Sazanami to establish a private, secure radio connection to the carrier main base, without any authorization from the Navy. They are going to use the link support of the fleet girls who agreed to help while patrolling the home waters: Tenryuu and Tatsuta of Cruiser Division 19, Mogami and Mikuma of Cruiser Division 7, and also Kongou, Hiei, Haruna, and Kirishima of Battleship Division 3. If the plan is successful, the signal would be received by Souryuu in the carrier main base and you could communicate with it directly from this room."

"A connection to...are you guys actually attempting to do an illegal thing...?"

"Ssh, it doesn't matter. Sazanami thinks this is a good chance to test her research with Yuubari, and I think this would be helpful in giving your mind a bit of rest," she swiftly put a headset on me and connected it to a radio she had been hiding beneath her clothes.

"Jintsuu-san...! What...?"

But she didn't listen to me and spoke to the radio while adjusting the frequency. "Hello, hello, Jintsuu here. I've got Kaga-san. Who's going to relay her?"

Then came Akebono's fuzzy voice from the headset. "Oh, hey, I guess I'm the one supervising the local signal, since Sazanami's a bit preoccupied now."

"Can you handle it, Akebono?"

"You bet, now let me speak to that Kaga," she cleared her throat and I could hear the sound of splashing waves from the background and Sazanami shouting excitedly, "Kitakore...!"

"Hey, shitty carrier, Akebono here. Ushio told me we've met before, but I don't remember."

This was probably the most confusing moment in my entire life, but Jintsuu only nudged me to speak to the mic.

"You were...pretty drunk."

"Oh, I still remember people when I'm drunk. You must not make that much of an impression."

My lip twitched.

What was the whole point of this conversation...?

"Still, I've been told that I was being pretty rude that time, so I agreed to help you. Hopefully you can forgive me with this. We're doing this to test Sazanami and Yuubari's research too anyway. Get ready now. I'm going to relay you to home waters. No more speaking with me, I'm going to be busy. Fishing sure is great at high water, I'm glad I packed my vest. Nice to meet you, Kaga."

There was a sudden, loud buzz and Akebono's snarky voice was replaced by...total chaos.

"Hey, she's here, she's here!"

"Tenryuu-chan, I told you I'm the one who's going to do the introductions...!"

"No, no, it's _ME_ who's going to do the introductions...!"

"Who's ME...?"

"Hey, stop pushing me!"

"_Hieee_...!"

"Is everybody okay?"

"Haruna is alright!"

"Mic check, one, two. Kaga-san, can you hear us...?"

"Very clearly," I sighed, "What the hell is happening? Why are you guys doing this?"

Their replies were more messed up than before as they tried to respond to me all at the same time. From how they sounded, one of them had somehow gotten the hiccups in her hurry.

"We heard about..."

"Your stupidity..."

"And the ban...!"

"Well, it couldn't be helped."

"So we decided to..."

"Give you something to look forward to...!"

"We've told Jintsuu to take pictures of you cryin-"

"Ssh, don't tell her...!"

"Anyway, we're getting hold of Souryuu next. This is a private channel, so have fun...!"

They didn't even give me a chance to speak when I heard Souryuu's voice on the line, much fuzzier than the rest.

"Hello...? Hello...?"

"Souryuu-san..." I said with an annoyed voice, "Nobody's going to explain this to me, so you have to now...!"

"Ah, Kaga-san...!" she ignored my words and greeted me with a delighted tone, "We don't have much time so, we have to do this quick..."

"Do what?" I hollered, losing my patience.

"Oh here she is, come here, come here..."

I heard some jostling noises and a completely new voice came through the headset to my ears.

A voice I never expected to hear again for a very long time.

"Souryuu-san...? What...?"

"Now, now, sit here and talk to the microphone."

"Who am I speaking with...?"

"Someone who wants to speak to you more than anyone else in the world...!"

"Um..." she paused, hesitantly starting the conversation "...Hello...?"

One word from her and my eyes were already flooding.

"Hello...?" she tried again, "...Souryuu-san...why do I hear sobbing...?"

The only thing that fell out of my mouth was sniffles and incomprehensible sounds.

I saw a hint of a smile on Jintsuu's face when I wiped my eyes with one of her paper tissues.

This was all too overwhelming after today's events.

"Hello...?" Akagi spoke again, "Who am I speaking with...?"

My lips were trembling when I looked at Jintsuu and silently mouthed the only thing in my mind right now.

_Thank you..._

_Thank you so much..._

_Thank you..._

As Akagi's clueless voice kept coming to my ears, Jintsuu patted my back and I struggled to control my voice.

This world...wasn't such a bad place after all.

There was still some good in the hideous hellhole of a war.

And it was probably the first time in months that I felt it from the bottom of my heart.

* * *

**September 1937**

**The iconic still image of the burnt and crying baby, "Bloody Saturday", was published widely and caught international attention. The unforgettable photograph became the most famous newsreel scene of the 1930s and one of the most successful "propaganda" pieces of all time that served as a harbinger of Eastern militarism. The picture became one of the most influential images to stir anti-Japanese feelings in the West, stimulating an outpouring of international outrage against Japanese violence in China and waves of donations for Chinese relief efforts. The famous photograph was also denounced by Japanese nationalists, who argued that the picture was staged.**


	18. Chapter 17: Reprovision

A/N: Kudos to Little Donkey for the beta!

* * *

**Chapter 17****: Second Sino-Japanese War: Reprovision**

"And then she said, 'Eat your heart out, Chitose-onee...!' Chitose-san isn't taking any of it, but Chiyoda-san is just much better than her in this game. Then Kirishima-san ended it all because they seemed too drunk to continue..."

I couldn't bring myself to interrupt anything she said as she rambled to her heart's content, recalling the details of her days in the main base.

She would never know how happy it made me to just listen to her...closing my eyes and drowning myself deeper in her cheerful tone.

I didn't care about the terrible sound quality, my mind was on higher things and I just wanted to listen to her voice for the rest of the day. Jintsuu had left the room to get some more water for me, but I was sure she did it out of courtesy, so I could freely have a private talk with Akagi. She did remind me that the call could end suddenly; Sazanami had put up a warning system that would turn off the signal in a snap if something happened or the Navy almost found out.

"Souryuu-san was so nervous when we got to meet Hiryuu-san for the first time," she went on.

"Did they hit off straight away?"

"Not really. I guess Souryuu-san tried to put up an act to be a good senior, but Hiryuu-san saw through her almost immediately. She said something like 'To hell with your stupid act', and Souryuu-san was offended. They argued a little, someone threw a hissy fit, then Souryuu-san got really sad because she thought she couldn't get along well with her partner. So much in fact, that you'd think she suffered the heartbreak of losing an actual partner. It made me talk with Hiryuu-san again to set things right. She gave me a heartfelt apology and explained that she didn't like seeing Souryuu-san trying so hard to impress her when all she wanted was getting to know her one and only partner. She said it was the height of folly that Souryuu-san was being fake in front of her. I couldn't help thinking this was just one big misunderstanding, so I dragged them into the same room to talk it out with each other and start all over. I guess it worked...somehow. I don't really know what happened inside that room, but when they came out, at least they could start talking normally with each other. So I suppose I did the right thing...?"

"I'm sure you did," I replied, "They just need a little push, those kids."

"They really remind me of us...being awkward and everything..."

"And...look how we are now."

The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

There was a pause on the other end that was followed by a nervous giggle.

"I miss you so much, Kaga-san."

Just hearing her timid tone made the room temperature rise from the sheer heat that radiated from my body.

"I...I miss you too," I muttered, "I ate the bento you made for me."

"How was it...?"

"It was good. I like the bunny onigiri."

"I thought they were a bit messy."

"They were really cute, and a big help."

"Oh, how so...?"

"Well...they didn't really give us dinner so... I kind of...gobbled it up."

She let out a giggle. "Kaga-san, I can't imagine you being so undignified."

"Why should I care about that when eating the food you made for me?"

The silence that followed was enough to tell me that I might have been too forward.

I was so relieved when she laughed heartily before saying in a small voice, "We still need to talk, don't we...?"

"It's not possible, the Navy..."

"I know... They've given orders to me. Officially."

"I'm sorry, it was all my fault..."

The guilt had been lying heavily on my conscience since I realized Akagi wouldn't be able to meet me at all because of my mistake.

And she was missing me so much too.

But Akagi was probably the kindest person that I had ever known.

"I have heard everything. You were really brave to stand up for me like that, Kaga-san."

The fact that she wasn't scolding me or anything, but actually went so far as to praise my stupidity made me really want to hit myself with a hammer.

It was my whole fault that I got helpless with anger.

"It's...I think it's foolish bravado, Akagi-san."

"Well, just think that you get major plus points from me. Is that comforting?"

I chuckled. "Far from it."

"I just don't want you to feel bad about this, Kaga-san..."

"Why...? I'm supposed to spend a lot of time with you."

"I knew you would feel so guilty about this that you started overworking yourself. And judging from the things I heard from Nagato-san, Mutsu-san, and the others, I was right about that."

I couldn't talk back to her.

I was just doing what I was told to do.

"Because of us, we are able to reach the high tide of the war. It was my obligation, Akagi-san, to annihilate as many as I-"

"Kaga-san is not someone who enjoys killing people and robbing people of their families," she interrupted, "There is no way you tried to excel in that. You wouldn't do that unless you have a really strong reason to. I also heard about that high-profile propaganda, Bloody Saturday. If that is your greatest accomplishment...how could you possibly be happy about that...? You are not a soldier who comes back home from a manslaughter with a holier-than-thou attitude. You are not someone who would value something like that as a trophy."

My lips were shaking as her words hit home. "...I was just...just trying to be a good fleet girl..." I stammered, "...It's like nothing I do would ever be enough."

"I know, Kaga-san always tries her best, and it's okay. I just want you to remember one thing," she said with a calming voice, "Even if you don't do anything, even if you make such huge mistakes that they forbid you from meeting me forever, even if you are the worst aircraft carrier in the world... I would still be in love with you."

Once in a while you found a person so strange, so unthinkable to exist...someone who made such a profound impact on you, someone who could make you question just what you had done in life to deserve her.

And each and every time, you would fail to explain her existence in your life.

So you tried harder.

So much harder that you reached a point when that person wanted to look you in the eye and said, _"Hey. It's enough."_

_"You don't need to push yourself even further."_

_"You don't need to suffer so much for my sake."_

And you still wished she would ill-treat you.

"Kaga-san...?"

"That's..." I said, my lips shivering, "That's why I have to avoid these kinds of bans."

"It is okay to make an honest mistake."

"You should be disappointed in me. You should be holding it against me."

"Kaga-san...?"

"Why are you not disappointed in me? ? Just hit me with what you really want to say. I...I messed up...I..."

All of a sudden I was interrupted by a loud buzzing noise and Sazanami's voice came in to the receiver.

"Akagi-san? Kaga-san? I'm sorry, but we detect some suspicious disturbances, we're going to cut you off now."

"Kaga-san, you know," Akagi's voice was becoming unclear as the signal between us began to dwindle, "You know the reason."

The call ended with a long beep as I stared blankly at the corner of the bed.

What were we, fleet girls, supposed to do...?

We were just tools for the humans' insatiable thirst for hurting one another, and we had no illusions about that.

The high-flyers among us who could "hit big", who were prized the most by the Navy, were the ones who could kill the highest number of humans with the most efficient way possible.

Those girls would earn their places in the history books as nothing but prolific killers.

And there was nothing we could do about that.

_Do we even believe in immortality?_

_We have no future_.

And yet...I still found myself hoping for a happy future with Akagi, no matter how absurd that sounded.

* * *

The next month, my planes were deployed to the recently acquired airfield to support land operations. Not long afterwards, I was called to the admiral office again for a surprising news.

"Reprovision?"

"Yes. We figured it would take a long time for this war to end. We're sending some ships back to the mainland to resupply. For high-maintenance ships like you, this is a necessity. You would also receive new replacement aircraft."

My heart skipped a beat.

I was sent to go back.

I would finally come home.

I didn't know how I could hold back from breaking all rules just to see Akagi, though.

Several days later, I packed my things and sailed homeward while being escorted by some high-speed ships.

We departed in complete secrecy, arriving at the main base in the middle of a quiet night.

My ban was not fully lifted, as I was ordered to stay in the seaplane tenders' base and not in my own room in the standard carrier base.

I would stay there for a day before my reprovision began.

Well... maybe if I was lucky I could get to see Akagi for a minute or two. I was hopeful that I could at least catch a glimpse of her during my stay.

However, it turned out I was totally out of luck.

"If you're looking for your girlfriend, she's not here at the moment."

I didn't realize my mouth had fallen open when the Chitose-class seaplane tenders confronted me with this news. We just happened to meet in the lobby a few hours after my arrival.

"The standard carriers are away on a small two-day vacation to the mountains."

Argh...great...what timing.

I would just hole up in my room and sleep until the reprovision.

A sigh escaped my lips, which seemed to concern Chiyoda.

"Um...Kaga-san... I'm sorry that you have to hold back your sexual frustration for a while longer."

My jaw dropped even lower.

"What! ?"

"Aren't you two going out?"

"No. Well, yes, but...argh, this must be Ryuujou-san's doing. I'm going to slap that runt," I grunted, "And I cannot meet her even if I want to. I was banned."

"Oh, yes, we heard from her."

"Who?"

"Ryuujou-san."

"That I was banned?"

"No, that you are sexually frustra-"

"_Stop_."

One of these days I should really kick the hell out of that girl.

"So...you're not frustrated...?" Chiyoda asked, twirling her low ponytail with her hands, "If you cannot meet her...then it's a shame but we might as well cancel the whole plan."

"What plan...?"

Why did people like planning things for me without even consulting me first?

"No...it's not actually a plan...it's just that we wanted to join their trip too but she was like, 'Kaga-san would be placed in the seaplane tender base. She might want to come, bring her along.' We think it's a good idea, since three people can sleep in a room there, so you can be our roommate, and you probably need a break from the immensity of the war. We didn't know you were still banned...I guess she didn't, either."

"What...? But she..."

I stopped talking, trying to digest what Akagi meant to do.

Was she serious...?

Was she dropping a hint?

Was she implying to me through Chitose and Chiyoda that I should just ignore the ban?

"Alright...we're really sorry but...I guess we should pack our things now. We'll buy you something from the onsen," Chitose nodded to her brown-haired sister ship before they both headed toward the opposite direction.

"Wait..."

I couldn't stop myself from calling to them, and they turned their heads to me curiously.

I swallowed and braced myself.

"I-I made a mistake. I forgot the ban was already lifted. Can I go with you guys...?"

They looked at each other for a moment before saying yes to me at the same time. To my immense relief, neither of them seemed to notice my lie about Akagi.

Fleet girls were naturally made to follow orders. But give any kind of creature a free will, and it would eventually learn how to rebel.

My mind was a swirling pool of mess and anxiety...but I guessed the risk was worth it to meet Akagi.

Just for a little while.

Just for a little while and I'll go back to working well into the small hours while risking my life on the line.

_It's okay as long as the Navy don't find out and I come back before the reprovision starts, isn't it...?_

_Just for a little while._

* * *

Not far from our base there was a small mountain where fleet girls sometimes went to play and rest. It was quite a well-liked destination to go hiking, but fleet girls generally hated being away from water for too long, so the onsen there was more popular.

Chitose, Chiyoda, and I climbed up a bit until we reached the homely traditional onsen.

An elderly lady greeted us when we went in, and Chiyoda discussed about our reservation with her.

As soon as we were showed our room, Chitose immediately put her bag in the corner and arranged the futon before throwing herself on it.

"We're finally here! God...l've always hated hiking."

"Chitose-onee, if I remember correctly, you said you like walking on the hills."

"Hills, yes. Mountains, ugh no. Too tiring! Anyone wanna go on a drink?"

"Chitose-onee...we've just arrived here and you already want to drink?"

"Nothing fits a trip to the onsen better than a drink!"

"Um..." I interrupted them, "Where are others...?"

"No idea, maybe in the baths?"

"You carriers love bathing, don't you?"

"We can rest here while you bath. Just enjoy your time! You need to release all that pent-up stress from the war!"

I felt that I was pretty sweaty myself, and right at that moment I had the urge to bath. What they said was rather amusingly true.

"I guess you're right," I agreed.

"Take your time, Kaga-san. Have fun!"

When I went out of the room, they were already bickering again about drinking.

I found myself agreeing with Chitose, and although I came here to meet Akagi, I supposed this was actually a much needed break for me.

Although I had heard of this onsen before from the other fleet girls, this was the first time that I had been here.

The place was much more peaceful and beautiful than I imagined, with cliffs and forests surrounding the inn and flakes falling outside the window. Chirping birds flew from one branch to the next on the multi-colored canopy, overlying the rustles of the smooth stalks of bamboo and the ceaseless soundtrack of the rushing river below. The inn looked old and worn-out, but it amplified the homey and historic feeling of the place.

It was a simple and perfect place for relaxing. I was prepared to enjoy myself immensely and immerse myself in the dreamy atmosphere.

With each step I felt more excited to experience the hot springs myself.

I shed my clothing and entered the bathing area with high spirits.

I stopped short when I realized amidst the drifting steam in the air that a lone woman was getting up from the springs, with her legs still in the water.

Her wet, black hair that flowed down her head to her naked back swept my mind blank with a single blink.

I was ill-prepared.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't speak.

I was immobilized from head to toe when she noticed me at the bath entrance and opened her mouth, with hot drops of water trickling down her reddened face.

"Kaga-san...?"

* * *

**26th September 1937**

**Kaga returned to Japan to reprovision and receive replacement aircrafts.**

* * *

A/N: Happy Midway Day everyone! This chapter of Disassembled would probably be my last release in a while and all of my fics would be put on hold as I would be dedicating my whole time to work on several Kancolle yuri projects. However, I would try my best to keep up with my usual pace at least for Disassembled, but if it is not possible, I apologize to you all. Would there be a rating change next chapter? Who knows! But this fic might suddenly disappear from the K-T fic list lol. Thank you for reading, R&amp;R!


	19. Chapter 18: Temptation in The Water

A/N: Gasian Gaond is back!

And still as busy as ever (sob)

Disassembled is now rated M!

This chapter consists of nothing but Akagi and Kaga making love, so if you prefer reading other things to this, you can skip this chapter, I think.

Kudos to Little Donkey for the beta.

* * *

**Chapter 18: Temptation in the Water**

_"I am born disassembled, and you reassemble me."_

* * *

"Legend said that this place was found before the dawn of recorded history. Warriors from the past found the springs when exhaustion had entered them to the hilt. It was said that the minerals from this fountain of youth had miraculous healing properties, so the warriors felt the need to spread their discovery to the world. The owner of this inn tried to preserve as much of it as possible. That is why they still keep old sliding doors of the guest rooms without locks and everything..."

Akagi's voice rang through the surrounding mist as she cited the history of the springs like a true poet, complete with dramatic hand gestures and facial expressions.

The comforting heat numbed my brain as my mind floated alongside the steam over the birds and tree branches, and my breathing became gradually heavier and damper.

This was too much.

A satisfying bath with Akagi's body being so close to me that our shoulders touched, and her sweet narration lullabying me to sleep was just too much.

It was like all the weight that had been burdening me was lifted off my shoulders all at once.

If I fell asleep here, I would drown.

Drown in peace and tranquility that I never expected to exist in my life.

And perhaps that was what I truly wanted.

To drown in peace?

Next to Akagi...?

"...the legend said that the springs were found on a hillside overlooking a lake. I'm guessing that a lot of has changed since then, because we can only see a river from here and not a lake..." she finished when she noticed my head was bobbing up and down, "...tired, Kaga-san...?"

"Huh...?" I realized I was nearly drooling, "Yeah...I didn't really...have a chance to relax like this...I'm sorry if I don't seem myself..."

"No..." She rested her head onto my shoulder, "This is enough."

When I first met Akagi, nearly everything she said to me rang hollow.

I disliked how, despite that, she was still able to make my heart flutter.

I chased after her approval, and found that she was a genuinely gentle person.

Then I saw a side of her she probably never showed to anyone but me.

I didn't know when I started to believe in her, to the point that I could forget all about those two painful years.

Right now, there was only Akagi and me.

Her touch was hotter than the water around my body, so hot that I felt like it scalded my skin.

It sent jumbled up emotions to my brain.

Desire.

Happiness.

Pain.

I couldn't begin to describe how much I wanted Akagi all to myself since her confession...and here I was, feeling that I should be anywhere but here.

"...Akagi-san," I said,"We're not supposed to be together. If anyone finds out..."

"I...I understand," came her small voice, "But I miss you so much, Kaga-san... I..."

"You lied to Chitose-san and Chiyoda-san..."

"I...I just want to say...Kaga-san...I'm sorry for everything," she started, "For all those times I abandoned you...made you feel so alone...and couldn't look you in the eye. I'm very sorry."

"...That's all in the past. It doesn't really matter now."

"If I think about it again, I've probably had feelings for you since forever," she explained, "It's just that...those emotions...they scared me. It was as though it was never supposed to exist. A very...humanlike emotion. It didn't serve any purpose in our functions. Or maybe, it even _hindered_ our functions. I tried to ignore it...but everytime I saw you it came back."

For a fleet girl, who underwent vigorous, often individualized, training and indoctrinated beliefs, something like this happening was quite understandable. I had no idea what the Navy had planted inside Akagi's mind before.

"Akagi-san, I..."

"I really love you, Kaga-san. I couldn't stop thinking about it. It made me feel so happy that I was made in this form, that I was born a fleet girl. That I could feel this happiness with you," she said, "Please...forgive me for..."

"Why are you apologizing? I was the one who blurted out all those outrageous things. It was probably the worst way to confess my feelings, ever."

She giggled. "It did make me think of a lot of things."

I leaned to her ear and murmured, "Such as...?"

A sigh escaped her lips and her arms slowly wrapped themselves around my neck.

"You know if the Navy finds out about this... we're both finished," I said.

"We don't have the benefit of hindsight..." her breathing brushed against my lips and I shivered.

From the corner of my eye I watched a drop of sweat crawl down from her chin to her neck. "You make it sound like it's a good thing..."

She gave my side ponytail a little tug and whispered, "So what if it is...?"

The anticipation completely blinded my mind. "Never mind...just... kiss me, Akagi-san."

And we let go.

Of all our restraints.

Of the world around us.

Of who we are.

Lips met, gasps merged into one, and bodies became entangled with each other beneath the thin white mist.

Throaty moans followed the tiny splashes of water, and this time, she parted her mouth and my tongue quickly found hers.

For once in my lifetime I was so grateful that I was given this form, to touch her, to embrace her, to shower her with overwhelming affection.

For once in our lifetime we were not fleet girls, we were not weapons, we were just Kaga and Akagi.

Two girls in love.

Two girls desperate for each other.

It was like everything that we had done hinged upon this moment.

"Kaga...san...!"

My hands reached for her bosom before I realized it. She rose and her wet, slim-hipped figure mesmerized me in an instant.

The more she held on to me, the more I craved for her.

"Akagi-san..." my mouth was easily drawn to her bare neck. Her hands clung to my back and she let out a satisfied sigh as I moved further down.

I could see her hideous scar right in front of my face. I kissed and caressed it, assuring her that it didn't bother me one bit.

"K-Kaga-san...that's..."

"You're so beautiful, Akagi-san..."

I saw a single tear at the corner of her eye before she wiped it off with the back of her hand.

"This...this is my first time doing something like this," I mumbled to her thoroughly kissed collarbone.

She pulled back a little and replied with a small voice, "I'm...I'm the same...?"

My smile grew. She was truly the cutest girl in the world.

Her eyes left me and awkwardly wandered to the entrance to the baths.

I knew what she was trying to say. She had been showing broad hints that she was worried someone would come in.

And as much as I wanted to indulge myself with having long, hot sex in the water, the fact that this place was not even an indoor bath was inescapable.

"Akagi-san...should we move..."

"I...I think..." she exhaled, clenching her eyes shut when my fingers enclosed around her nipple, "We should...to my room..."

"Ah...I agree...is it empty...?"

"I..." she ignored my question and kissed my forehead, "I have read...a few things...and asked Mogami-san...about what to do..."

My breath hitched.

During my absence Akagi had been looking into the stuff that I had been dreaming of doing with her for weeks.

Saucy, indecent things that she had never known before.

Things that she would probably never know, if I had stayed friends with her.

_"But tell me, Kaga-san... all this time has it crossed your mind to touch her...? To help her off with her clothes...? To feel that smooth skin against yours...? Have you ever had dirty thoughts about Akagi-san...? Something that is so unfit of Kaga-san to have...? You want...no, you _hanker_ to bed her, don't you, Kaga-san...?"_

_I do..._

_I want her so much...nobody would understand..._

_I want to do unspeakable things with her..._

_I want to...taint her with these hands..._

_And I want her to taint me with hers..._

"Kaga-san," she traced my nape with her fingers, "Am I...allowed to..."

How could I say no to those eyes...?

"Akagi-san...you know I can't refuse you..."

"But... I'm not sure if I can...do this properly..."

"Who cares about that...?"

"I...I care...!"

"You never let something like that stand in your way before..."

"This...this is because it's Kaga-san that I..."

"Let's move...shall we...?"

She gave a frantic nod and I thought my heart just melted at that sight.

We put on our clothes in silence, and in a hurry, because of something that shouldn't be more urgent than the possibility of someone seeing us together.

Akagi's face was flushing, and it did nothing but make her look even more desirable than before.

_We can't get into that room soon enough..._

"Kaga-san...can I...?"

I sensed her warm touch on my hand when she tried to entwine her fingers in mine.

It took everything in my power not to do her right then and there.

"Y...yeah...of course you can..."

She responded me with a smile and it amazed me how a simple handholding could make me feel this way.

The rest of the walk to the room was a blur in my mind.

All I was able to think about was how to get to it as fast as we could, and I wasn't exaggerating.

As soon as we arrived there, the first thing I did was slid the door close and slam my lover's body against the wall.

She let out a loud hissing noise before I captured her lips with mine and undressed her again.

"Nnngh...! Ka...Kaga-sa..."

"We have to be quick, Akagi-san...we won't have... another chance soon..."

That seemed to trigger something in her mind, and her kisses became more hurried, more ravenous.

As I was enjoying her tongue sliding into my mouth, I felt her clumsily fumbling with my skirt.

_Oh God... Is she going directly for my..._

I could sense her desperation, and my thigh slipped between hers in shuddered when my skin touched that single damp sheet of fabric that separated me from her center.

It took a moment, but soon she began to relax and hesitantly roll her hips against my thigh.

The sensation of her wet crotch sliding against my skin was truly something else, sending shivers to my spine and soliciting a gasp from my mouth.

But we didn't have much time.

"Souryuu-san and Hiryuu-san...you share this room with them, don't you...?"

"Yes..."

"Where are they...?"

"Out for a walk...I don't know when they will be back..."

"You know this inn doesn't have locked doors...and you invite me here...?"

"I can't...hold it anymore...please..."

"We're getting ourselves into a hole here..."

"That's according to plan."

I blinked in amazement. She couldn't be thinking of making a dirty joke at this very moment, could she...?

"Akagi-san, you..."

"I-I can't help it! I'm so sorry!"

"What has Mogami-san taught you...?"

"Various...things...?"

"Don't tell me you planned this..."

"I don't...! Why would I choose an inn with no locks?"

"You asked Mogami-san...why would you...?"

"I'm just curious."

"...just curious."

"C-curious because..." she leaned forward and our noses touched, "I...I want to see Kaga-san..."

I was about to kiss her again when her hand finally found its way to the sensitive spot beneath my skirt.

"I want to see Kaga-san..."

"Nngh...! A-Aka..."

"...reacting to my touch..."

"Aka...gi-sa..."

She reversed our position and held me against the wall, putting my earlobe into her mouth before biting on it lovingly.

"Akagi-san...!"

"Kaga-san..." she rubbed her fingers up and down my slit, "Kaga-san...I..."

I didn't care.

I couldn't think.

I held my hand over hers and pushed it to shove her fingers deep into my core.

"Kaga-san? !"

"Akagi-san...hurry..." I sighed. The feeling of her fingers inside me were enough to make me cry out in pleasure. "We can't...We can't leave this unfinished. Take responsibility, please. I won't be able to bear it...when we separate..."

"Kaga-san, I don't..."

"I'm begging you..."

I had been holding back for far too long.

She was being too slow and hesitant for my taste.

But that only made my desire to taint her grow even stronger.

I couldn't think of anything else but to ravish her...

Akagi...

Akagi...

I couldn't...stop myself anymore.

_I want Akagi_.

Without thinking I pulled her to the ground and pinned her to the tatami floor, ignoring her gasp of surprise.

I stripped both of our skirts and she shivered. I took a moment to look into her eyes and I could see her biting her lower lip. Was it anxiety? Was it anticipation?

I really looked forward to driving her mad with pleasure.

I got rid of her underwear and when Akagi opened up her legs for me, I slowed down my pace to admire the rosy, glistening beauty in front of me.

_I'm so glad..._

_I'm so glad you were born in the shape of a human girl..._

"Ka...Kaga-sa...what are you- Aaah..! !"

I got rid of her underwear and my mouth dived straight to her bulging clitoris.

I had learned that this was one of a woman's most sensitive areas.

Unsure of what to do but getting even more aroused by Akagi's taste and scent, I put her nub into my mouth, sucking it softly and rubbing it with my tongue.

She jerked her hips forward, her hands clawing on the tatami mat and loud moans escaping her lips.

_That must feel so good, huh..._

"Aah...aah...ooh! ! Kaga-sa...n...!"

_More..._ I ran my fingers along her wet opening, _I want to hear more._

"Kaga-san...hold it...nnnngh...! !"

Slowly, I inserted a finger into her. She pulled on my hair, and I wandered deep inside her slick walls, watching her reactions while trying to find that sweet spot which would give me what I wanted.

_"Aaah...! !"_

I shuddered.

That was addictive beyond measure.

_Not enough..._

_More..._

_I want to hear her _scream_..._

I pushed in another finger once I found it. Keeping them in that tight spot, I clenched my fingers and began to move them in and out, maintaining them to rub against that spot every time. Meanwhile, my mouth continued to work on her sensitive clit.

The result was immediate.

Akagi couldn't keep her legs from trashing, her hands were twisting the mats while her cries became uncontrollable and I still couldn't get enough of them.

Soon the whole inn could hear us.

With regret I said to her, "Akagi-san...don't you think you should keep your voice do..."

With the kind of power that I never knew she possessed, she pulled my head up to her level and kissed me hungrily. My fingers were still inside her when she hurriedly shoved hers into my core.

A fire lit up inside me, and I pushed a third finger into her before fucking her relentlessly.

Having her moan directly into my throat while having her pleasuring me at the same time was truly out of this world. I just realized that I was so wet myself, perhaps even wetter than her.

"Kaga-san...Kaga-san...I-I'm close...I'm so close!"

"Aka... Akagi-san...! I...I'm about to...!"

Despite how much I wanted to prolong this, we didn't have that luxury.

I quickened my thrusts and stroked her clit repeatedly, sending her closer and closer to that steep edge.

My energy was inexhaustible, but when Akagi's free hand clawed against my back... I finally lost it.

We were both thrown over that edge as an incredibly intense orgasm ripped through our beings. I swore Akagi was digging her fingers so deep inside me my vision blanked out white for a moment.

This feeling...it was surreal.

It was more mind-blowing than anything that I had ever experienced in my whole life.

_So...that was what sex feels like..._

Akagi wasn't moving under me for a whole minute that I began to worry.

"Akagi-san..."

"Mmh...I..." she raised her head and looked at me sleepily, "I'm alright..."

"Thank goodness..."

"It felt good..."

"I'm glad..."

I began to relax when she gave me the most hoped-for response.

"More than it actually," she gave me a sheepish grin, "Kaga-san...I love you..."

She buried her face on my chest and I felt it.

_This moment._

_This perfect, honest-to-goodness moment is what I live for._

_Who cares about war and destruction...?_

_If I do all those things, I get to live and see Akagi-san for another day._

_Akagi-san and I...our mind and body have been disassembled for too many times to count._

_And this feeling, this bond...is the only thing that reassembled us._

_That is all that matters._

I was about to tell her that when I suddenly heard them.

A pair of footsteps.

Coming louder and louder in front of our door.

The inevitable finally happened.

Panic took hold of me and I leapt away from Akagi, frantically fixing up my clothes.

We were just finished putting on our skirts when the door slid open.

"Akagi-san, are you here?"

It was a short-haired brunette with a small side ponytail; she was wearing an orange gi and green skirt.

I could tell, this girl was a carrier.

Then that meant she was Souryuu's partner in the Supplementation Program or Circle Two plan, Hiryuu.

Her eyes blew wide when she noticed me, and our haggard appearances I guessed.

"You're..."

"Hiryuu-san!" Akagi greeted, "Um...this is Kaga-san...I think this is the first time you meet..."

"You really brought her here," she remarked, "This really turned into a real humdinger of a meeting. You've got to be kidding me, Akagi. I thought you are better than this."

"Well...yes...but..."

"Stop that hole-and-corner reunion and send her away," she grumbled, "I think I saw one of those tough hombres from the Navy just now. At least one of them must be hot on discipline. You're going to get yourselves into trouble if you stay."

With a look of disgust she closed the door behind her and left.

While Akagi was apologizing to me, I wondered if Hiryuu knew what we did in the room just now.

She obviously didn't approve of it.


	20. Chapter 19: USS Panay Incident

A/N: Kudos to Little Donkey for the (super quick) beta!

* * *

**Chapter 19: USS Panay Incident**

With the help of the other carriers, I was able to sneak out of the inn and head straight back to the base.

I only managed to exchange a few words with them before I left.

Souryuu mentioned to me she had been commissioned, and all three of them would join my battle in the near future.

I wanted to tell Akagi that we would meet again, but something held me back.

Who could say for sure that we would?

And I hated to tell that to her beautiful smiling face when she gave me a farewell hug.

"Thank you for everything, Kaga-san."

"Don't mention it. Just...take care of yourself."

"I will."

"I mean it."

"Yes, I heard y-"

"I really mean it."

She looked surprised when I held on to her and didn't let go.

Since I secretly made contact with Akagi, the nightmares had begun to decrease. But they still left a scar within me nonetheless.

"Who's supposed to be worrying about who here?" she giggled.

"I...I'm sorry. That must sound strange, huh...?"

"It's alright. I know there has to be reason for you to say that," she smiled, "Oh, before you go, I think Hiryuu-san would want a word with you here."

"Hiryuu-san...? What..."

"Thank you, Akagi-san, I'll make this real quick."

Raising an eyebrow at her tone, I followed her to the yard with a slowly sinking feeling.

Was she going to scold me about what happened earlier?

Had my image in her eyes taken a serious hit?

Had I failed tremendously as her senpai?

"Listen up, Kaga-san. This is just something I heard from a close friend of mine," she started, "I don't really want to talk about this, but guess I can't put off the evil hour any longer. The war is much worse and bloodier than was expected."

The tense feeling in my chest lessened.

So she wanted to talk about the war.

...hopefully only about the war.

"I have a feeling it is true."

"The Army aren't even confident that we can conquer the capital within this year," she went on, "The enemy is persevering. It is clear that they are stalling us, because they cannot hope to win by themselves. The only way they can win over our technologically superior Army and Navy is through holding out for outside help."

I suddenly remembered the Bloody Saturday photo.

"...Then they are doing a good job of it so far," I said, "Although we've reached an appreciable level of air superiority, we've already lost half of our planes."

"The problem here is the enemy isn't the only one thinking of getting their allies into the war."

"I beg your pardon?"

"As the Army go farther and farther from our country, the General Headquarters are starting to lose control of our infantry units. And I have been reliably informed that there are factions, within our own military, who have rather...weird ideas about challenging the enemy's other allies into the war. And this faction is gaining power."

"Do our people want to wage war with _another_ country at the same time? Doesn't that sound overly confident?"

"Not just another country. A stronger country in all terms of military strength and production. A country whom we also depend on for our resources. Well, maybe there still exists a way that we could win. We'll see how idealistic our people become once we conquer the capital."

"But if we don't defeat that other country, we won't achieve victory, right?"

Hiryuu paused when she looked at my face.

I didn't know what kind of expression I was wearing.

I just understood that the war would never end if we didn't fight, no matter what the results were.

"...who knows. They might not want to enter this war. Don't you think wars are a pain?"

This time I couldn't give her a reply.

Hiryuu had never fought in a war, she wouldn't understand.

Or maybe it was just me who thought this way.

Everyone, from the small destroyers to the heavy battleships, shouldered the responsibility of their birth no matter what their age.

We didn't have a choice.

"How did you know about all this, Hiryuu-san?"

"I just happened to be good friends with a guy called Yamaguchi."

"I see."

She sighed and patted my shoulder. "Right now I think you should just focus on your job," she said, before adding with a little bit of a frown, "...and get a better hold of your libido."

Oh, so she really did know.

I got hot under the collar, but I tried to maintain a neutral expression. "Sure, thanks for the warning," I replied casually, "And I suggest you to get along better with Souryuu-san."

"Why should I?"

"She's trying to."

"Then it's none of your business."

"Is that how you talk to your senior?"

I saw her fidgeting and avoiding my eyes.

For such a young aircraft carrier, being built in the middle of a war might give her a sense of anxiety and unrest.

Everyone around her was talking about the war, bombing, and carriers, while she was still unfinished herself.

It was understandable that she felt hesitant to make friends with the other girls.

"...Fine. But you have to know that she's trying really hard for you, Hiryuu-san. And if you continue being stubborn, you won't have anyone left for you once the war gets hold of your life," I said coldly before turning away.

She gritted her teeth and yelled at me, "You're hot stuff now at war and you might have the best pilots in the world, but you're never going to be the best carrier forever, Kaga...!"

I stopped dead in my tracks and shot her a dirty look. Her tone cut no ice with me.

"The Circle Three plan is already underway," she said, "They are going to build two more standard carriers who would exceed us in nearly every aspect, without restrictions of any treaty. The best carriers in the world. You would be nothing compared to them, Kaga."

Gifted carriers.

They were going to create carriers who would not understand what hard work meant, how much disadvantage the early carriers had to face to improve their designs, simply by virtue of being born at the right time.

They would create literal _children_.

Children who wouldn't have the faintest idea about the world, children who would be too proud of their inexperience.

Children who would never feel the ridicule that Akagi and I had faced.

I walked away from Hiryuu in disgust.

"Don't lump me in with those children," I spat, and Hiryuu let me go in complete silence.

* * *

The whole time I stayed in the main base for my provision, the Navy cut all ties between me and Akagi.

After what I had done behind their backs, I could only bow my head and follow orders.

A month later, I was ready to be sent back to the front lines.

I slightly hoped that the war would end when I was back in Japan, but of course it didn't come true.

It was clear that the other fleet girls were also waiting for when they could finally be free to return home.

But we could not stop here.

After the capital fell to out hands, I kept going on mission after mission, destroying more strategic places from the Eastern and Southern seas. I would make two more brief trips to my homeland for replenishments and replacements, but this time I didn't get to meet anyone.

On November, when anchored to an island base, I was ambushed by enemy aircraft. However, even without any escorts on hand, my fighters were more than able to fight them down. The bombs missed me and the enemy planes were shot down, sending the rest of them to flee. Mutsu commented that "our strongest carrier is capable of defending herself" and I could feel the admiration in everyone's eyes.

This experience...I would dedicate it to protect my friends, my country, my people.

I wanted to be strong...strong enough to end this war.

On October, Houshou transferred all of her planes to Ryuujou and returned home, while Ryuujou herself went back home the next month. Houshou was put on reserve for her modernization, while Ryuujou was assigned to become a training ship for awhile. At least that was what I heard from the others, since I was still banned from using the phone.

That left me as the only aircraft carrier left in the foreign waters.

On December, I was assigned as the flagship of the 1st Carrier Division.

So far, this war only felt like our country's attempt to take more and more land.

But the full horror of Hiryuu's warning wasn't brought home to me until one particular mission where I had to wake up at some unearthly hour to launch a sudden attack on enemy forces who were fleeing by ships.

At that time, I was under direct command from Nagato and Mutsu.

"Kaga-san, what did you see...?"

"Well..." I said to my radio, "According to the report, I should attack ten steamers but my bombers didn't see any of those. Instead, there are just three tankers...and a gunboat."

"Sink them."

Nagato's order was loud and clear in my ears, but there was something that made me hesitate.

"Nagato-san," I started, "This gunboat...she looks different from the others."

"Explain."

I tried to squint and focus my mind on the sight of the plane closest to that armed ship.

It was a little hard to tell without moving any closer, but...

"That ship...she has...flags..." I reported, "Strange flags. Bright colors...red and white stripes... Is it a country flag? A foreign ship? She does have the looks."

There was a long pause on the other side. "Nagato-san...?"

"We received direct orders to sink them," she told me, "Sink them all, Kaga-san. Don't leave any survivors."

"But...are you sure? It would be a big mistake for us to sink a ship belonging to a country that has nothing to do with us."

"It's an order," she said firmly, "We are told to sink her. That ship. Sink her along with the others."

Nagato's voice was emotionless, but at that time for me it was clear as day, even with the hum of plane engines in my ears.

_"There are factions, within our own military, who would want to challenge the enemy's other allies into the war."_

Someone was giving her orders without the authority of the General Headquarters.

Someone from the radical faction.

They were really gaining power.

In the vain hope of getting more information about them, I tried to persuade Nagato to explain further, but she made it clear that she was not listening to my demands.

"Kaga-san, why are you hesitating? Who's been putting these strange ideas in your head...?"

So...they had decided to make me do the honors and commit this outrageous act that could lead into a war with another country.

_Do I even have a choice in this matter...?_

Perhaps with this...the war would end more quickly.

"Attention...all aircraft."

Perhaps with this...I could speed up our progress and bring everyone back home safely.

"Your target...three tankers and one gunboat in the middle of the river. Pay no heed to the flags."

The bombers and fighters began to simultaneously change their course, heading toward the completely defenseless, ill-assorted fleet.

"Leave no survivors."

Screams of horror from that inhumanity rumbled in my ears for the rest of that day.

* * *

It was only after that devastating attack that I found out the name of the gunboat.

My aircraft didn't give the ships any mercy, they even fired at the smaller boats that tried to help them.

I didn't know what I was doing, I was just following orders.

But then came the news that the Navy denied everything that had happened.

"The attack was entirely unintentional," they said, "The pilots never saw any flags on Panay."

When I went back to the main base for another replenishment, I was called to the Red Brick to give a short inquiry, then they all let me go.

A lot of things were inconsistent. It was obvious that the orders were an unauthorized action.

But I still followed them anyway.

My country agreed to pay full indemnity for the incident, and the case was settled that way.

_Is this what they really want...?_ I thought to myself, _Which of them is correct...?_

It was really hard for me to tell.

It came home to me just how little I had any say in determining the fate of my country.

While I was one of the ships that launched that provoking attack.

_Would the people of my country...be okay with all this...?_

It was worse when I heard from the Admiral what had happened in the enemy territory after the fall of the capital.

"The Army General is not rejoicing about this victory," the Admiral told me, "The General has never felt more humiliated. The Army have utterly lost control of their soldiers. There are victims...and we are not talking about a figure in the hundreds here. Everyday, thousands of innocent people are massacred, raped, and tortured by our own soldiers at this very moment, often in very inhumane and disgusting ways. And they did it all on their own...initiative. At least that's what the reports said anyway, who knows how true they are. Well...I didn't expect less from that Army."

"How..." I stammered, "How could that happen...haven't we already killed enough people already? What would our people think..."

"We have discussed this in a formal forum...and the house has decided that the people do not need to know the details."

I could only stare at the Admiral in stunned silence.

I felt like a huge stone was being put on my shoulders, sinking me deeper to the ground.

I was also responsible for those killings.

Initially...

I thought I could end the war quickly in this way...

_So many..._

_So many lives that I had taken away..._

"You don't need to concern yourself of such trivial matters, Kaga. You just need to be stronger and finish this war," the Admiral said, "Remember, you are absolutely forbidden from saying anything that might incriminate your comrades. You are dismissed."

* * *

I just came out of the Admiral's room when I heard loud sounds of footsteps coming closer to me.

"Whoa, look out! Look out! Get out of the way! !"

"What...?"

I saw a glimpse of something short and small dashing toward me and tackled my waist with a tight hug.

I thought my heart almost jumped out of my chest.

"Oh, man...not again."

A fleet girl with long twin tails and green attire stopped running in front of me and leant on her knees, struggling to catch her breath.

Then I realized that it was a young human child who just tackled me, and the fleet girl was hot on her heels.

The small child was hugging my waist so tight, this was getting rather awkward.

"Um..." I began.

"AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER...!" the child screamed at the top of her lungs.

I could almost see the stars in her eyes.

"IT'S AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER...!"

"I'm sorry, Kaga-san, this is Mei-chan. She's the Admiral's daughter," she tried to pull her away from me, but the little girl wouldn't budge, "Mei-chan...! You haven't finished your meal yet, and you know what they say, a hurried breakfast is bad for you...!"

"Oh..." I said nervously, "Oh...and you are...?"

"1st ship of Tone-class heavy cruisers...Tone...nice to meet you," she coughed.

"1st ship of Kaga-class aircraft carrier, Kaga."

"YOU ARE KAGA-SAN?" the child exclaimed in a high-pitched voice.

"This girl here is a fan of fleet girls," Tone explained, "There was a funeral ceremony in honor of those who had fallen in the war and this girl happened to tag along with her parents. They are a little preoccupied now so, she begged them to let a fleet girl look after her for a little while...and she won't stop doing this to every fleet girl she came across, especially hotshot ones like you...well, you get the idea..."

"KAGA-SAN, KAGA-SAN, CAN I SEE YOU LAUNCH A PLANE? PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE?"

"Uh...she's pretty energetic," I remarked.

"You could say that."

She let go of me when I crouched down to her level and said, "Uh...Mei-chan, I cannot launch a plane in the base."

"Ehh? Why not?" she deflated in an instant, "I bet you look so cool when you do it!"

"If I do it here, I might hurt Mei-chan."

"Ah, I understand," she mumbled, "It is dangerous, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is."

"I heard that you made a mistake and sank the wrong ship!"

"Oh..." I said, feeling a little uncomfortable talking about something like this with such a young girl, "Yes, I did."

She pointed a finger at me and demanded, "Bad Kaga-san! Kaga-san should apologize!"

Tone panicked and told the girl to stop pointing at me, but I really didn't know how to respond.

In the end I bowed my head to her and said, "Kaga is very sorry."

"It is almost Christmas! Christmas is awesome, and happy, and everyone should be friends," she said excitedly, "My friends and I from school are planning to get money for Panay's people, to apologize for Panay!"

"For Panay...?"

"Yes, we are going to send Panay's people money and write them letters," she explained, "Because it is a mistake, and we are very sorry that Panay was sunk, so we should apologize, and it is Christmas, so we should all be kind to each other. And it is not just me. Everyone is thinking to help them! Mommy and Daddy's friends...all of them are also sending them letters and money! They are feeling so sorry about Panay, and hope that Panay's people could forgive the mistake. Then we can all be friends and celebrate Christmas together...!"

For a few seconds I could only stare at her in amazement.

The people were expressing sympathy for this foreign ship that I sank.

The people did not want to start a war with another country.

The people were sending donations and letters of apology to Panay's people.

The people, who had no inkling of what had happened in the battlefield, would never approve of all the murders, all the rapings...

_What..._

Her smile was so bright and blinding...

_...am I supposed to do...?_

"Alright, Mei-chan! Time to go back!" Tone said.

"Tone-nee-san, gimme a piggyback! A piggyback ride!"

"Oooh! That's an idea! Okay! Climb aboard!"

"Tone-nee-san, you're awesome!"

"I'm a real Onee-san, after all!"

Tone picked the girl up easily and they sped away to the other end of the corridor.

To my horror, Mei peered back at me and waved her hand happily.

"Bye bye, Kaga-onee-san...!"

"O-oh..." I stammered, "Bye bye."

And just like that, I was alone again, feeling more inhibited than ever.

My thoughts had become an absolute mess.

The full horror of the situation was becoming clear in my mind.

If we were going to start a war with this other country...all that help and sympathy would be in vain, wouldn't it...?

And what did it say of my country...who at the same time was brutally killing thousands of people across the sea...? Can this even be called hypocrisy...?

And what did it say of me...who built my achievements atop of piles of human remains...?

...what should I do...?

...what in the world could I do...?

We've gone far past the initial stages of this ruthless campaign...

_"Bye bye, Kaga-onee-san...!"_

_I'm not..._

_...a reliable older sister._

_I don't even know what I'm doing._

_I don't even have a hope in hell of changing anything._

_Tosa-nee-san..._

_What should I do...?_

* * *

**1937**

**The 3rd Naval Armaments Supplement Programme, or Circle Three Plan, was ratified, calling for 66 new combat vessels, including two Yamato-class battleships, two Shoukaku-class aircraft carriers, and fifteen Kagerou-class destroyers.**

**October 1937**

**Kaga returned to the front, and except for two brief trips to Sasebo, remained off China until December 1938, supporting military operations from the South and East China Seas. **

**11 November 1937**

**In ****Maanshan Islands anchorage****, Kaga was attacked by 3 Chinese bombers. They were intercepted and shot down by Kaga's A5M "Claude".**

**12 December 1937**

**Kaga's aircraft participated in The Panay Incident, an attack in the Yangtze River on American gunboat USS Panay. The attack continued until Panay sank, killing three men and wounding 48 people.**

**The Japanese government accepted responsibility, but claimed the attack was unintentional. However, the USN decrypted an IJN message which reportedly indicated that the attack on Panay had been knowingly and deliberately planned by an air officer.**

**The United States government, anxious to avoid war,**** accept****ed the Japanese "mistake" explanation, received full indemnity from Japan and the incident was closed.**

**In the days following the Panay incident, Japanese citizens began sending letters and cards of sympathy to the American embassy in Tokyo. Ambassador Grew wrote that "never before has the fact that there are 'two Japans' been more clearly emphasized. Ever since the first news of the Panay disaster came, we have been deluged by delegations, visitors, letters, and contributions of money— people from all walks of life, from high officials, doctors, professors, businessmen down to school children, trying to express their shame, apologies, and regrets for the action of their own Navy."**

**The ambassador noted, "that side of the incident, at least, is profoundly touching and shows that at heart the Japanese are still a chivalrous people." These signs of sympathy were expressed as the ambassador was receiving word of possible atrocities being committed by Japanese forces in China.**

**13 December 1937**

**After capturing the capital city of Nanking, Japanese s****oldie****rs murdered Chinese people, that numbered an estimated 40,000 to over 300,000, and perpetrated widespread rape and looting in what would be known as The Nanking Massacre.**

**A large number of civilians were brutally killed, stabbed, shot, bayoneted, or burnt before being buried in a trench called "The-Ten-Thousand-Corpse-Ditch", and the women and children were often killed immediately after being raped, often through explicit mutilation ****or by penetrating vaginas**** with bayonets, bamboo sticks, or other objects, while pregnant women's stomaches were cut open after being raped and their fetuses stabbed to death.**

**18 December 1937**

**As General Iwane Matsui began to comprehend the full extent of the rape, murder, and looting in the city, he said that he "can never get in a mood to rejoice about this victory ... I personally feel sorry for the tragedies to the people, but the Army must continue unless China repents. Now, in the winter, the season gives time to reflect. I offer my sympathy, with deep emotion, to a million innocent people."**


End file.
